It is really sad you can’t have children of your own. I find it terribly tragic when I meet people who are unable to have babies/children of their own and yet desperately want a child. It is part of the reason I ended up in the mess I am in now. I certainly do not hate people for not being able to have children, my best friend is in this boat and she has only wanted to be a mother her whole life. It is what people DO as a result that I can’t stomach.

It is not anyone’s right to expect a mother to live without her child so someone else, a bilogical/spiritual stranger, can be a parent to her child. Yes, adoptive parents are people and ever since adoption involved infants and the BSE existed, adoptive parents have been seen as the only party. Adoptees were not given a second thought as they were placed into the arms of strangers. Natural parents have been treated worse than animals so is it any wonder they are starting to fight back. With our new independence and thirst for justice, we have encountered many nasty adoptive parents who have said truly evil and despicable things to us and so have continued our abuse. Many of us have had enough and we are just not okay with it anymore.

As for t-shirts etc… I cannot believe how far gone humans are if they expect this kind of thing is okay. How depraved can a person be? This just proves the point there are many adoptive parents out there who have NOT accepted the fact they cannot have children and have to create a fake idea of pregnancy. It really is sick.

As for adoption itself… how can anyone support an institution where one party gains something they desire at the detriment of another human being? Adoption, in particular infant adoption, and excluding foster-adopt is solely about providing the buyer (PAP’s) with a product they want and have been unable to procure naturally (the baby) to the detriment of the mother. Adoption has seen babies ripped out of mothers’ wombs and the baby sold on the black market, murder, kidnapping all to satisfy the desire of someone wanting something they can’t have. To me, that is terrorism, evil and downright wrong. If adoption was something that was only about a child or a person (regardless of age) being given an identtiy, a home and a life because they had none due to war, being orphaned etc, then, I would be okay with it. But it hasn’t been about that for a very long time and so I can only conclude it has had its time and needs to be eradicated.

We are in the process of adopting, and have been waiting for such a long time. I respect everything that has been said here as personal opinion as a result of terrible experiences. I have never lost a child or given one for adoption, so I am in no way wanting to trivialize ANYTHING that has been said here. I could never understand your pain.

I would like to address, however, the borderline hate speech from tish directed at adoptive parents. For those of you who have lost children unfairly and unjustly, I am truly very very sorry. I have no idea the loss and despair that you must live with daily. That being said, I’m saddened that posts that are so very insensitive to infertile women are acceptable. Referring to adoptive parents as baby stealing, emotionally fragile, hypersenstive wanna-be’s is really terrible. No, we who can’t have children will never know that it’s like to have the nausea, indigestion, stretch marks, hemorrhoids, back pain, urinary incontinence- but I would give anything in the world to have those ailments, because that would mean I was able to have a child of my own. We are well aware that we are not pregnant, and I don’t think that it represents a below the surface neurosis or resentment…I think it represents something natural in all of us to want our own children.

This is probably off topic, since I didn’t even mention the shirt in question. For me it’s not about the shirt. I understand that it is offensive to some people, and not to others. I was reading this blog because of the shirt- a friend who knows our situation emailed a picture of the shirt and I researched it, which led me to this blog. People of every station are reading this, and it is very insensitive and cruel to adoptive parents. Attack the shirt all you want, I don’t care about that. But adoptive parents are people too. We are mothers and fathers without children, who are not lucky enough to be able to have children. I understand that this is a senstive issue for everyone involved, but making ugly remarks about a whole group of people who didn’t imagine or manufacture the shirt seems too harsh. We don’t hate you for being able to have children- please don’t hate us for being unable to.

Second we are talking about DIA on this blog not abused children taken into foster care. Never once have I or anyone I know of said that abused children should stay with their abusers. I am really sick of that being thrown around everytime anyone says something negative about adoption. DIA and foster adoption are two totally different monsters. I don’t know much about foster adoption so I focus on what I do know DIA.

For the 523rd time the damn shirt is offensive. It degrades natural mothers. It degrades adoptees. It hurts already traumatized people. How do I know? Because I took the cotton out of my ears and listen when people talk. I am also one of the people it offends and deeply hurts. You want to be proud about adopting wear a shirt that says “Adopting” or ” In the Proccess”. For mothers in DIA pregnancy is all we have of our children often due to no fault of our own. It hurts when even that is being taken away. So why don’t you go read your bible and see what it says about compassion and empathy. Try walking in someone else’s shoes.

I’m am sure some adopted children grow up in fantastic homes. Some adoptees are abused like the kids in your story. Adoption does not promise a better life only a different life.

I would love to talk to those 3 mothers you know. See usually us natural moms don’t tell people in our lives about our regrets. It ends up with us being ripped apart so we hide it. Just look at some of the comments on here and you will see why we hide our real feelings. I can almost promise you if they talked to me the tears would start flowing. It is only natural. The human mind was not designed to lose a child no matter what the reasons.

Oh and fear not, we clearly see all the blessings of adoption. Everyone of them is on the adopters side.