Got Bitter?

March 23, 2007 at 4:17 am (adoption)

I figured I should go ahead and get this out of the way. It will save us all a lot of time and frustration.

I have read many blogs written by natural mothers for awhile now. In reading the comments they recieve I have noticed a few things over and over. The words angry and bitter seem to pop up more than anything.

To save me the annoyance of reading the same trite thing and save some of you the time of typing it in…… Damn right I am angry and bitter.I make no apologies for the fact nor will I ever.

I embrace my anger and accept it as part of me. I do not stuff it down or deny it in the guise of healing or acceptance of my fate. I do not stifle my anger to spare the delicate sensablities of others. I don’t care anymore who I offend and I don’t play well with others.

Does this make me a horrible person? Who knows. Do I care if people think so? Not really.

To be honest, I spent most of my life worrying what other people thought. Always doing what was expected of me. Sacraficing pieces of my soul so I wouldn’t be thought of as a disappointment. Terrified of any failure. I had to be a good little girl at all times.

When I lost the fight for my daughter I quit. Not once did anyone care about my feelings or needs. Not once did anyone listen. They still don’t listen today so I am done with that nice little girl crap.

We all survive in different ways. My anger is my tool. It keeps me going. On dark nights when I just can’t take it anymore anger keeps me alive.

So please don’t comment on how angry and bitter I am. I am well aware of it. Don’t wish me peace and healing. I am really not interested.

I am angry. I am bitter. I am outraged and the only b word I respond to rhymes with witch.