Go Figure

April 5, 2007 at 8:01 pm (adoption, first mother, Uncategorized)

I chickened out. I tried so hard but no words came out. I planned what to say all day but when the time came I froze.I just sat there like an idiot with a fake smile pasted on my face.

He’s not stupid. He knows something is wrong. He knows I am struggling. I’m sure he can hear it behind my words.

Why can’t I just do this? Why does everything have to be so hard now? Why can’t I be a normal person?

Why can’t I just say I am hurting? I need help. I feel all alone in the world and I am scared. Why can’t I cry anymore? Why can’t I feel anything but pain and isolation? What the hell is happening to me?

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