Danny Again

August 8, 2007 at 1:13 am (adopted, adoptee, adopting, adoption, adoption reform, birthmother, birthparents, first mother, help, Jamie Kiefer, justice, law)

I want to talk about some things said on comments by Danny’s family over on http://keepingbabieswithmommy.blogspot.com/. I don’t want to completely take over Kel’s blog so I will actually use my own for once.                                                                                                                                  I too have a brother. I am extremely loyal to him. I truly understand the loyalty you show your brother. I can not honestly say that I would not be online defending my brother the same way you are. Loyalty to family is a very good and noble thing. I understand that Jimmy is not a very nice person. I feel safe in assuming that with what he is in jail for. I also understand why your loyalty does not extend to Jimmy at this point. Sometimes people cross a line that we can not forgive. Once the line is crossed it can never be the same. Its sad but it happens. 

The thing I am failing to see is what Cali did to lose the family loyalty. I know her conception was a painful event for all involved but she didn’t do it. She is the only totally innocent person involved in this whole mess. Yet she is the one being thrown to the wolves with little regard. I know you are not very educated on adoption issues. You probably believe she will be just fine with love from anyone. She won’t miss her family because she is so young she won’t know the difference. I am sorry to inform you that infants do know the difference. I really wish you would read the words of people that were adopted. There are many blogs and forums online that will give you some insight. If you need some links email me or Kel. I would be more than happy to send you as many as you need.

 I beg of you to show the same loyalty to Cali you show to Danny. Please before its too late fight for this innocent little girl. Keep her in the family somehow. Love her for who she is not how she was conceived. She is your family. Don’t be blinded to that until its too late. She needs all of you. She needs her family.

Advertisements

30 Comments

  1. Kelly said,

    I couldn’t have said this better myself. This is very true; and I hope the Kiefer family; will put some thought in to this post. Thank you.

    Kell

  2. Cindy said,

    You are absolutely right. After reading on both kelly and your blogs, I have a completely different view. I just wish we could go back in time. I hope there is still a chance for Jamie to get Cali back. I just wish her family would have been there for her when she made this terrible decision. ( giving the baby up) and not been there for her to do the crime they did. I want Jamie to get well, and I know the only way she will get well, is to have her baby back. I just don’t know where to go from here. I do want what’s best for Cali, and I trust that God only knows that answer. I’m just going to trust in him. Thank you for caring so much about Jamie. She really is a good person. Daniel will take good care of Dominic while she is away.

  3. aislin13 said,

    In a lot of ways I am Jamie so its easy for me to care about her. One thing you might want to think about is… that if it is not possible for Cali to be with Jamie, could she still be with family. The adoption is not final. Jimmy never signed anything. It might be possible for Cali to be in kinship care instead of with the Ericksons. It would be much better for Cali to stay with family. I really do beg of all of your family to search their hearts and fight for this little girl.

  4. jadedtears said,

    Nothing is more important then family!

  5. LeAnn said,

    I must say after reading your blogs you have helped not just my sister, but myself included. I want to take back the statement that I want the Ericksons to raise Cali. I do feel for them, but you opened up my mind and heart to Jamie getting Cali back. Now that I’ve had time to think out the whole situation instead of just how I felt at the time, I’ve changed in how I see things. I do feel that before she gets her she’d need a lot of counseling, but in time she should be cali’s mommy. I just wanted to say thanks opening up my mind to other thoughts besides my own.

  6. Kelly said,

    LeAnn,

    We really do want what is best for your niece; Cali. Please; know you, and your whole family are in our thoughts, and prayers.

    Hugs from Atlanta,
    Kell

  7. aislin13 said,

    You really don’t have to thank me. In a strange way I feel like I should be thanking you guys. Sometimes while doing this kind of work I get very discouraged. Alot of the time I just get nasty emails and comments that rip out my heart. It gives me hope when someone actually listens. SO thank you for haveing an open mind.
    One thing I would like to suggest to your family is to talk to a lawyer. I agree that Jamie will need some therapy to get her back to being stable enough to be a full time mom. There isn’t a doubt in my mind that this has not only made the PPD much worse but has also brought on PTSD. Suffering from PTSD myself I know how much havoc it can reek in a persons life. As much as I would love for Cali to just be handed back to Jamie today that is probably not realistic. As family members you do have rights. Jimmy hasn’t signed anything so you may be able to have Cali placed with a family member. It won’t be easy but it is possible. If you need any help finding resources just let us know

  8. Michelle said,

    Adoptive parents love their babies too. I know this for sure.

  9. Kelly said,

    Michelle,

    I do not question; if adoptive parents love their children; I pray my son has loving adoptive parents. But; parents adoptive; or natural are supposed to love their children unconditional. If the natural parent; says “I can’t do this.” Then the adoptive parents; should be able to take the high road; and return the baby. That baby is unavailable for adoption; if the baby has a family who wants him/her; and loves him/her. This is definately a case that the baby didn’t need a family; the family needed a baby. Yes; I know it must be tough; to take that road; but I would be more willing as a natural parent to remain in contact with the adoptive parents; because I would have to say they were very good people. There is a case; that just took place; the baby is a little older then Cali; the baby is 8mths; and the adoptive parents did take the high road; when the natural parent(think father); said no; I do not want this. I hold these adoptive parents in very high regards. And; see their love was unconditinal.

  10. aislin13 said,

    And?? What does that have to do with these adopters? They obviously are no capable of putting Cali first. If you expect me to believe they loved Cali soooo damn much after not even 24 hours that they just couldn’t be parted from her even for her own good you are going to be greatly disappointed. They didn’t love her. They loved the idea of her. They wanted a baby. Any baby. If another baby had been avalible the day before they managed to steal Cali they would have loved that baby just as much. They would have left Cali where she was and taken the first baby in a heartbeat. That is the difference. They wanted A baby. Jamie wanted Cali and only Cali. They could not see past their own selfish desires and do what is best for Cali so no they are not adoptive parents and never will be. They are adopters plain and simple. Maybe you should go back and read some of my earlier posts if you don’t know why adopters and adoptive parents are different

  11. Michelle said,

    Madison was not stolen from Jamie Kiefer. Jamie GAVE her baby up so that she (Madison) could have a better life. There is a HUGE difference in receiving and stealing. The Ericksons received her; they did not steal her.

  12. aislin13 said,

    hmmm if it was all legal I might agree but it wasn’t. Jamie made it clear she wanted Cali (that is her name until she herself tells me otherwise) within 24 hours. If they had any heart or morals they would have returned her. They have proven that they have neither. They stole that child period. A woman with PPD is not capabe of entering into a life long contract. Threfore, Jamie could not have “given” Cali away. Not to mention the father has signed nothing.
    Just for clarification, this is my blog. It contains my opinion which you are unlikely to change with ignorant and what I feel are disrespectful comments. If you don’t like it…. Don’t read it. Its pretty simple

  13. Kelly said,

    Yes; until Cali; tells me herself; she wants to be called that; she remains Cali Charmain on both of our blogs. Jamie didn’t understand adoption; as did any of the Kiefer’s; as this is the first time they are dealing with this issue. No one was counseled on this decision on the Kiefer side. Yes; they stole her; when Jamie said “I can’t do this.” Why did they not take the high road? Hmm; because their family needs a baby; Cali already has a family. I keep hearing the Ercikson’s are such good people! Ugh; God help me if my son is with a couple like them. I told you earlier; if they had taking the high road; they would be held in high regards by me. As they didn’t; makes me sick; they would put Cali’s mother through this. That is far from unconditional love. They haven’t been waiting years for a baby; my guess they are in their young 20’s; their attorney I hope is ashamed of hisself. Cali; and all of her family; are in my thoughts, and prayers.

  14. someone concerned said,

    Why is it that there is so much contention?. Cant we all just agree that the Ericksons were there when they were needed. Now this very special angel which she is has stolen their hearts as she should and they are caught in the middle not knowing which way to turn. I BELIEVE THAT THEY ARE VERY LOVING PEOPLE AND ARE HAVING A VERY DIFFICULT TIME IN ALL OF THIS. I HAVE NO DOUBT THAT THEY ARE VERY CONCERNED FOR CALI’s BIRTH MOTHERS WELFARE BUT ARE SO MUCH IN LOVE WITH THIS SPECIAL LITTLE CHILD THAT THEY ARE NOT SURE OF HOW THEY SHOULD BE FEELING OR WHAT THEY SHOULD DO.JAMIE DID A DESPERATE THING BUT AS I SEE IT THAT WAS ALL THAT SHE COULD DO IN THE STATE OF MIND SHE WAS IN. PLEASE CAN WE BE UNDERSTANDING TO BOTH SIDES AND JUST PRAY FOR ALL CONCERNED THAT THE RIGHT THING WILL BE DONE IN THE END.

  15. aislin13 said,

    I have my opinions of the Ericksons. They are not likely to change unless they do the right thing and return this child to her rightful family. I am not dumb so I know that Cali will not be going to Jamie unless she has some hardcore therapy but Cali does have aunts, uncles, grandparents and most importantly a borther that needs her. I know several prosepective adoptive parents that returned a child when they found out the family wanted to parent. They did what was right for the baby and because of that were able to maintain visits and are very much a part of the child’s life. I have no doubt it was hard as hell to do but it was the right thing. There is no way you can convince me that within 24 hours they fell more in love with Cali than her mother who carried her and risked her life to give birth. Whatever they decide to do it is not me they will answer to. They will answer to Cali. They need to think long and hard about what she will think of being kept from a family that very much wants her. Cali will be the final judge in this. She will see what has happened to her family. She will no doubt see the results of this in her innocent brother when she meets him.
    One other thing, if anyone is concerned about Jamie they might want to stop calling her that god awful name. Birthmother is equal to calling her a breeder or broodmare. If you would like to read further on the word and why it is an insult to mothers this is a great article http://www.exiledmothers.com/adoption_facts/Why_Birthmother_Means_Breeder.html

  16. aislin13 said,

    I’ve been thinking about these comments. I am really curious why people have decided to comment on this post. This post had little if anything to do with the Ericksons or my feelings and opinions of them. It was a heartfelt plea to Danny’s family who have been talking with me through comments elsewhere. If you are not a member of Danny’s family then I wasn’t talking to you anyway. If you really want me to do a post on my feelings of the Ericksons I can do that and you can comment your little hearts out

  17. jadedtears said,

    IMO… All people that are looking to adopt are just looking to take care of their own selfish needs. They don’t care what child it is as long as they get one. They don’t care who they hurt on their way to get a child, including the child. If any of you think other wise then you need to do some serious research on adoptees and their REAL mothers life long pain.

  18. Kelly said,

    We shouldn’t have to pray for the right thing to be done in the end; it should of already been done; by the Erickson;s. Aislin; is right why are you commenting about only the Ericksons; read the post again; and take time to understand what is says.

    Do not ever use that bterm here or on any of our blogs; again!!!! It is rude; and unacceptable:( You are very uneducated on adoption; if you would like me to get you to some people who can educate you; leave a comment on my blog.

    Oh no; I am not understanding to adoptive parents that do not know what unconditional love is. Tell them to talk to me; when they show they have put Cali; before their own selfish needs. I would had more respect for them as I keep saying; if they took the high road. They have yet to show me; Cali was put first; and foremost. Cali; needs to be with Dominic. Cali; one day will realize; this all happened; because of the Erickson’s. They have no business adopting. When they have a home study; background checks; put on waiting lists; then maybe. But; I hope this takes them out of even being able to do that in the future.

  19. morefamily said,

    I do believe with all my heart that Jennifer loves Cali, (Madison) I’m not even sure what to call her. Kelly , Ainslin, and whoever else, I do understand your anger, and your strong feelings in all this, But I feel that until the courts say anything different, The baby should remain with the Eriksons. I don’t think it would be good for the baby to be with her biological family temperarily, and then later moved again. I really believe she is safe and very much loved by the Erikson’s. whom I truly believe are good people. It’s okay if you don’t agree with me. This is fanily talking, and I’ve given this a lot of thought. My family puts their trust in God, therefore this is out of our hands, at this point. I feel that in the end if the baby ends up with the Eriksons, then she will be Madison, and I will no longer be her aunt. If she ends up with Jamie, Then she will be Cali, and I will be her aunt. I wish I can change the past, but I can’t. So all I can do now, Is trust that God know’s what’s best for this baby, and what happen’s will be part of his plan. I’m sorry if you don’t understand where I’m coming from, but this is how my family feels.

  20. Michelle said,

    FYI: The Ericksons did not know that Jamie wanted Madison back for over two months. They had bonded by then.

  21. Kelly said,

    morefamily,

    Ugh; that comment is terrible; poor Cali:( I would hope better from the child’s family. My nieces will always be my nieces; if someone came; and took them; they remain my nieces. Nothing changes that fact. My son; who we all know was loss to adoption; remains my son; even though he is being raise by other people. They got my son by Coercion; and all involved should be sitting in PRISON; and I just told them so. Yes; they deserve to sit in jail; for the hell that I have to endure for their selfishness!!! You do not understand my, Aislin; or whoever else’s anger; how could you? Has you baby/child been ripped away from you? Tal;k to us then:(

    Michelle,

    I do not give if they bonded a year; the right thing to do was to take the high road; and give Cali back to her mother. I am getting very tired of repeating the same story; over, and over again!!! The adoptive couple; that just returned the baby was eight months; they had a whole lot more time to bond; then Jennifer; and Matt did. Jennifer; and Matt; seem very selfish people. I do not want any one adopting; that is selfish. They know now; so give Cali back. Grandma; I am sure is ready to have her home with the rest of her grandchildren. Until; they show unconditional love; I have no respect for the Erickson’s. They have failed time, and time again; to take the high road.

  22. aislin13 said,

    FYI infants don’t bond with caretakers, they attach. Its a means of survival. Read a freakin book already. Why the hell are you commenting on a post that has not a damn thing to do with the Ericksons or you? I tried to warn you that it was getting annoying. I guess you really do want a post just for you to comment on. I know you have already done this crap on at least one other blog. Your mistake this time was thinking that because I am friends with Kelly we are alike in our temperment. Trust me Kel is the nice one. I have kept myself from saying what I truly think in an effort to keep the peace but really I am not the peace keeping type. For the very last time, this is my blog. I will say whatever the hell I want on it. IF I think you are an ignorant, rude piece of **** it is my right to say so. Get the hell over yourself. If you don’t like it don’t be an idiot and read it.

  23. Kelly said,

    morefamily,

    Your comment had me so upset going to pick up my child from school; I called my sister. I asked her what she considered my son to her? Her nephew; was her reply. Aislin; are you shocked? I was. My sister said”No matter who he lives with; doesn’t change the fact he is her nephew. And; if he needed any thing medical; she would be one of the first ones tested.” I was very happy with her responmse. Becaue; as I dialed her number; and thought if she stated what you did in your last comment; I was going to disown her. Because; I refuse to be associated with a sister; who doesn’t accept my children; both of my children. I doubt you are a sister to either Daniel; or Jamie; I am guessing you are an aunt only by marraige. And; you speak of God; my sister is very much a practicing Catholic; and believes in God. You should call her; I think she could enlighten you about Cali. You should of heard her thoughts on the subject; and this is a woman who isn’t against adoption. Thank you; for bringing me, and my sister a little closer. The only reason; she doesn’t refer to him when people question; how many children I have; she said she thought it put me in a weird place. Which at times it does; to people who want to sing all the adoption praises; that I did the right thing; but even my sister is starting to realize all the damage it has done. So I think you need to take a lesson from this young woman; and realize Cali; is your niece.

    Aislin,

    Sorry; that had me so upset!!! The ignorance of it; had me boiling. But; it did make me call M; and that went well. Are you suprise?

    Hugs,
    Kell

  24. aislin13 said,

    Wow Kel. I am very happy and suprised with M. That is a huge step for her. Adn for the record you can say anything you want on my blog. You have earned that right.
    I have to say that the statement by morefamily bothered me a lot too. You claim to be such a big believer in god. Yet you ignore his plans. God does not make such huge mistakes as putting babies in the wrong womb. He put Cali where she belonged, with her family. The acts of man took her from that sacred place. No piece of paper signed by anyone can undo what god created. If Cali was meant to be Jennifer’s child god would have seen fit to place her in Jennifer’s womb. Instead he placed her in the body of her one true mother.
    And before anyone decideds to rush in here with the adoption in the bible crap let me assure you I have studied it already and find that arguement lacking.

  25. morefamily said,

    I’m sorry I made you both so angry.Your right. After I read my own
    statement, I realized I could have said it differently. Let me explain: Yes, Cali will biologically always be my neice. But if she ends up with the Eriksons in the end, I am only assuming I will never get to know her, or be a part of her life.That’s what I really meant about her not being my niece. And if she ends up with Jamie, I might be able to have a relationship with her., and then maybe not , even then. The Triste hate the father of the baby, so I’m sure they will consider the baby Jamie’s, which means she may never know the Kiefer family anyways.
    When I speak of putting it in god’s hands, That is my way of explaining that there is nothing the Kiefer family can do at this point, and we chose to let the courts handle it. There’s nothing wrong with having faith. I didn’t ignore God’s plan. I had no control over Jamie’s decision. There’s nothing wrong with me trusting that God will work this out. I can’t let this consume my life, therefore, I choose to sit back and trust. That’s all I meant. As for the baby’s grandma. ( Mrs. Triste), I can’t say that I agree with you on that. She couldn’t possibly be capable of caring for a baby at a time like this. And the other grankids have their father’s , whom thay are with. So maybe you should put your trust in God, and stop bashing the Erikson’s, since there’s a whole lot more to the story that you girls don’t know. And there’s a whole lot of untruth that has been told.

  26. aislin13 said,

    Actually there is a lot the Keifer family could do but it is obvious you choose not to. Its your decision. Like I have already said its not me you will have to answer to, its Cali. You have to live with it when she asks why the Tristes fought for her and not a single person in the Keifer family did. So feel free to sit back but remember god helps those that help themselves so don’t expect much from doing nothing.
    As for stopping “bashing” the Ericksons, ummm nope. First of all if you think this is bashing you need to wake up. I haven’t even come close to bashing. This is my blog period. I will say what I want period. No one is going to come here and bully me into doing what they want. If you don’t like it, don’t read it. You can always go start a blog about how horrid I am. The only difference is that I am not rude enough to come on it and tell you what to do. Oh and Secondly I am not a girl. Pretty sure Kel isn’t either. We are grown women who don’t take kindly to being talked down to. So talking to us in a respectful manner would be a good start.
    Oh and I won’t be putting my trust in your god. I am not christian. I just study christianity amoung other religions

  27. Kelly said,

    Morefamily,

    You came here; we didn’t come to you. These are our blogs; we understand adoption loss; you; and the Kiefer family do not. Danny’s sisters told me that theirselves. I do not care about any of the story; if you want to know the truth. I care about keeping baby with mommy; have you read my blog? I do not care about affairs; and etc…… Because; most of the time when a woman has an affair; it is due to unhappiness; not just for the hell of doing it:( Yes; I bet the Triste’s has issues with Jimmy; I would; if this was my daughter. But; I wouldn’t lose sight; Cali; has the choice to decide if she wants to know her father. I am not so sure Jimmy; is this horrible man; every one wants me to believe. He was 14; when he got in trouble the first time. To me; it seems the facilities failed rehabiltating that young man. So; shame on our society. I have never spoken with Jimmy; but I bet I could point out a few charteristics he has. He doesn’t do well in crowds; he is a loner; any of this true? I seen what these facilites do to young teenagers; and it scares the hell out of me. And; who are you to tell us where to put our faith at? I said to my sister; the one you help me bring closer to; thank you; again for that; that the Triste family; was damn angry how Jennifer treated Jamie; any ignorant person could see that. oh; and my nieces only have two aunts; one on each side; we would both fight till the end of time; before our nieces weren’t kept in our family. And; their other aunt; is a strict Baptist; so yes she believes in God too; but we would never sit back; and watch this happen to our nieces.

  28. Amy said,

    Uhhhh this just sickens me. Just sickens. Everything I have heard and reported on this case is based on coercion. This woman changed her mind within what a couple of days. The husband pushed this issue. This child is his niece as well. Geez sounds awefully familiar. Allison Quets all over again. How many mothers have to suffer before this kind of crap ends? When will mother and child bonds be respected? If adoption is so great, which child are you willing to give up??? When will society understand that it is not the right of the infertile to claim the fertile’s children? This pisses me off so much. Tell Jamie I am gonna do a week long blogger blitz for the mothers and fathers soon. This crap will stop. I am that child 42 years down the road. If I am pissed, then Cali will be when she grows up.

  29. Kelly said,

    Amy; YAY:) I am in on the blogger blitz; let me know when we start.

    Hugs,
    Kell

  30. Amris said,

    How can FAMILY do these things to their OWN FAMILY, their neice, their grandchild, their FAMILY? How can they DEFEND turning their FAMILY MEMBER into an adoptee for NO REASON??

    Aislin, stand strong, dear one.

    It is terrible the things people are willing to do, and to condone.

    The agony, the soul-devouring pain of losing your child to adoption, the horrific and terrible hole in your life for every second that your child is gone from you is simply something that CANNOT be understood until experienced.

    Those adopters think only of themselves. They don’t care that they are needlessly turning this child into an adoptee. They know they will hurt if they lose her, but lack the humanity or compassion to realize that they are literally forcing this loss upon not only her, but also on another human being- her mother.

    One day, when our society has grown up, they will look back on cases like this with genuine horror, and ask, “How could any society have committed such a terrible atrocity??”

    I wish we would ask it now.

    How CAN we commit this atrocity to our children and their mothers?

    And how can “FAMILY” defend it???

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: