September 14, 2007 at 4:52 am (adoption, adoption reform, birthmother, birthparents, first mother, help)

Flashbacks are a very real part of my life now. They suck. They are painful, they are intense and they are real! I can not just turn them off or pretend they didn’t happen.

When I have a flashback it is very much happening now. It is not the same as a memory. It is happening. It might not be happening in the real world but in the world of my mind it is happening. It is all happening just like it did the first time. The feelings surrounding it will be the same as they were the first time.

Yet I get the same comment from everyone around me. It isn’t really happening. Its not real. Its not like the first time. Its just a memory. Aren’t you over it by now?

WEll I am not an idiot so I am well aware I wasn’t transported back in time. Yet it feels like it. I know its a flashback but that does not make it feel different.

When I had flashbacks of my rape no one said these things. Instead they just reassured me I was safe. Why is it different because these flashbacks are about adoption? Is the PTSD less real now? Maybe people just care less. After all this is all my fault right?

Unless you have PTSD and have the joy of flashbacks don’t tell someone it isn’t real or isn’t happening. You only make it worse. If you don’t know what to say just say nothing. A simple hand on the shoulder is much better than saying the wrong damn thing all the time



  1. Tonya said,

    I’m sorry that you’re experiencing them. I have them too. and yes they’re real. The only thing that’s different is what location you’re physically standing in at that moment. They’re terrifying and debilitating. PTSD is a sad fact of life for many of us moms.
    Society’s decision not to recognize us as having it doesn’t make it any less of a reality.

  2. Kelly said,

    I am sendinmg you lots, and lots of hugs.

  3. justenjoyhim said,

    I’m so sorry. That must be utterly horrifying.

  4. Lara said,

    PTSD is real and scary. It is like their is nothing that can bring you out of/escaping it once it hits. It is far from a memory. People who have fought in wars commonly experiance PTSD. It is a serious issue that is not to be handled lightly by any means. If someone tells you differently, then just block what they said out of your head because apparently they are ignorant. Tell them they need to do their research on PTSD before they speak about the Disorder. Thier is a Cognitive-behavioral therapy for counseling along with other techniques and meds available for this Disorder. Most mothers who have been coerced in to giving their babies up for adoption experiance this. I would think that it would be odd if a mother who has been through this sort of thing does not to experiance PTSD. I for one would not be willing to take the cognitive behavioral therapy or meds just because I am too stubborn, but I was just trying to make the point of how serious this Disorder is and should be taken.

  5. Lara said,

    I forgot to add this in my earlier statements for those of you who are unaware of who is affected by PTSD. An individual who has suffered through a traumatic event in ones life is subjected to this disorder and ages range anywhere from childhood to adulthood. I see that I mispelled experience. Please excuse this. I rest my case. Thanks. 🙂

  6. J said,

    I had PTSD from the loss of a child. It was terrible and haunting and I feel so sorry for you. That being said, you can’t get better alone. You need to see someone now, before you have your baby, because once you do, it’ll all hit a little harder. You owe it to yourself and to your unborn child to deal with this once and for all so it doesn’t haunt you and your loved ones forever. For me it took counseling and mild drugs but it worked and now my life is so much better. I thought I’d never be whole again but I am. I still hurt…but it’s a part of my life instead of my whole life.

    Please get help. You shouldn’t have to suffer like this. It’s time to live your life, for you and for your unborn child.

  7. aislin13 said,

    I did want to comment back to let you know that I do have help. I am not going this alone. Its too big to deal with alone. I am not on any medications for the PTSD right now due to the pregnancy. I am already on medications for certain complications and I am just not willing to add any more for the baby’s sake. I know they say many of them are safeduring pregnancy but I just don’t want to add anything else to the mix. Maybe that is a sign of the PTSD too. Maybe its just fear of losing this baby that makes me unwilling to take any meds for this. Either way it does make it harder unmedicated. But it is temporary anyway. Once Bean is here safe and sound I can go back to some of the meds that helped. Unless by some stroke of luck I don’t need them. (cross those fingers) I’m sure you know PTSD doesn’t ever really go away so I have had it a very long time. My first was when I was 15 after being the victim of a very brutal crime. That was what caused the initial onset. I guess I never realized i have had this for half my life. Anyway, I made it through before and I will make it through again. WIsh I didn’t have to but too many people need me to stick around.

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