Name Calling

September 19, 2007 at 4:29 am (adopting, adoption, adoption reform, birthmother, birthparents, first mother, Uncategorized)

Rape me,
Rape me my friend
Rape me,
Rape me again

I’m not the only one

Hate me,
Do it and do it again.
Waste me,
Rape me my friend.

I’m not the only one
from Nirvana’s Rape me

These words evoke strong feelings in most people. I have no doubt many of you are recoiling in terror and disgust that I would even put these words on my blog. You’re wondering what I am thinking, what is my point, what am I getting at?

They are strong powerful words. They make you recoil. They should churn up feelings you would rather not have. Rape is terrible. It is a reality in our world that should be abolished. Most people agree that it is horrid and should never be condoned. But most people also refuse to see that it comes in more than one form.

I would love to say that everyone admits to the effects of physical rape but that is far from true. Victims are still blamed. Rapists are set free. The effects are ignored and the victims put down for having any problems years down the road. Yet some people still see it. Not enough but some.

Rape of the soul is almost completely ignored. (not saying either is worse pain wise) The victims are told to go on with life as though nothing ever happened. They are ridiculed and put down on a daily basis. They are called names that re-victimize them by most of society. They are told it is all their fault.

The way I was treated by the adoption industry was a rape of the soul. It is scary how similar the after effects are to when I was physically raped. Almost identical actually. Only this time no one will even see that it happened.

So what is my point? When you call me nothing but a birthmother, tell me it was my choice, say that I signed papers (which is still up for debate) you are re-raping my soul. It is exactly the same as when I was told I was a whore, my dress was too short, I was asking for it. Hearing the word birthmother inspires the same panic in me that hearing about a rapist does.

I know not every person whose child was adopted feels this way. Some are fine with being called that word. Some could care less either way. But that does not make it any less painful for me or the countless others that it hurts. It is not ok to re-victimize us because others are fine with it. It is not ok to call us something that hurts our soul so deeply. If you just simply can not respect us as fellow human beings enough not to do this then keep your mouth shut. Hell call me “Hey you” for all I care. Just do not call me that for any reason. EVER!

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1 Comment

  1. Kelly said,

    Just know I am sending you lots of hugs!!!

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