Touched by Strangers

October 16, 2007 at 2:18 am (adopted, adoptee, adopting, adoption, adoption reform, birthmother, birthparents, first mother, natural mother)

I haven’t talked much about the problems I have had with the Bean. It hasn’t been an easy pregnancy at all. I have been sick the entire time and off and on bedrest. Because of this I can not work. No one wants an employee that runs to vomit every ten minutes or tends to pass out.

Money is tight. Truthfully, money is real tight. It terrifies me. It reminds me of all the things people said when I was pregnant with little A. I sit in bed (where the doctor tells me I need to stay) and think of all the things I still need to get. I obsess about which is most important. What things should I actually spend money on first. Then I remember I can’t even go shopping right now and worry more.

What if the Bean is born and I don’t have anything? I have some little things already but not the big stuff.

Today my mom was talking with some people she knew from work. They aren’t really friends. They just know each other. I have never even heard their name before today. My mom mentioned me crying last night over being too sick to get the things I needed. Of course my mom says I shouldn’t worry because we will get it all one way or another. This wonderful lady my mom is talking to runs out to her garage and emerges with a car seat, stroller and carrier. She bought them for her grand daughter almost a year ago. They called me five minutes ago to tell me they have packed all this in my moms car along with a couple bags of baby clothes and will drop them off tonight.

I can’t stop crying. This woman has never met me yet has given me so much. Its more than material objects. SHe has given me hope when I desperately needed it. She took away some of the worry.

Never doubt how much you can touch a person’s life with even a tiny kindness. This woman will probably never know how much she has touched my soul today.

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The Big Test

October 2, 2007 at 9:08 am (adopted, adoptee, adopting, adoption, adoption reform, birthmother, birthparents, first mother) (, , )

Some of you already know the big test was today. I was scared to death. I got lost on the way. No one could get time off so I had to go alone and to top it off, one of the cars broke down. So get start. But I made it and that is what counts.

I was so tense I swear I could have cried at any minute. The room was silent for the first ten minutes. I think I was too scared to talk and they were just following my lead. I just stared at the screen trying to make out anything that shouldn’t be there or notice the lack of something that should.

Then it happened. I saw a perfectly formed tiny foot. All the fear melted away and I couldn’t help but giggle as the foot keep kicking at the probe. I guess my giggle was the cue because we all started talking about how much the Bean was kicking.

We joked about the obvious problems with authority and attitude the Bean already has. When we were trying to get a face shot you could see the tiny mouth moving and already telling us to get lost. This womb belongs to the Bean and we do not need to be poking around.

So everything looks good. Kindeys, heart, spine, long legs, feet, head, brain and numerous other things look perfect. All those prayers paid off.

So without further ado…. I would like formally introduce you to MJ. My daughter aka the Bean

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