Spanking Adopted Children

April 28, 2008 at 1:11 pm (adoption)

I hadn’t really thought much about this until I saw a post on it last night. If the poster reads this I am most likely going to make her feel worse. I didn’t write this a first because I was worried about making someone feel bad or APs getting mad at me. I have this insane need to be liked. Tonight I just don’t care. This pissed me off and I have every right to say so.

This is one of those horrid moments when reality hits me. When I was pregnant I was told that the APs would be so much better than me. I was protecting my baby (from what I haven’t figured out) Blah Blah Blah. They never once mentioned that they could hit my baby and I would be powerless to stop them. Not once did it occur to me. I know that was very stupid of me. Yet I never hit my kids so if the APs were better parents naturally they wouldn’t. Right?

Wrong!! I have no idea if they spank. I hope they don’t. If they do they better pray to God I don’t find out. Its bad enough to hit a child but to hit a child that has already lost his/her whole family is disgusting to me. It makes me want to puke. It enrages me. If I ever find out anyone has hit ANY of my children there will be hell to pay


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My Beloved

April 27, 2008 at 1:45 pm (adoption)

I debated about posting this all day today. I talk about my little A on this blog and don’t really mention my other kids. Ok well you all know Princess Bean. I rarely if ever mention my boys or my oldest daughter. I don’t mention my boys mostly because they are typical boys. I don’t want to bore everyone with honor roll announcements and stories of worms in my ice cubes. I don’t talk about my oldest daughter for a very different reason. I don’t talk about her because it hurts. For some reason tonight I just have to.

April 26 1998 my M was born. She was 4 months too early. Labor was brought on by a car accident and could not be stopped. She was born at 11:53pm. I held my sweet girl and sang to her softly for what seemed like an eternity. Sadly it was a lifetime. Her lifetime. She died in my arms 7 minutes later. It might have been sooner but that is when I let the doctors check. That was all the time I had with my first born girl. It wasn’t nearly long enough. I wanted more. I still want more.  She is a part of me and always will be.

I love you my sweet girl. One day we will be together again. Until them I will sing you a song everynight


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Adoption is still the new pregnant?

April 20, 2008 at 12:41 pm (adoption)

I guess people really don’t get it. I’m not going to rant about how stupid this is. My last post about it is good enough. I do ask that my readers go by and vote

I am very sad to see that the “its empowering” option is winning. Some days my faith in humanity is non existant

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Goodbye to a hero

April 18, 2008 at 12:45 am (adoption)

Dian Wellfare 1950 – 2008

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Stupid Radio

April 11, 2008 at 2:18 pm (adoption)

Some of you know that I have been having a very hard time with the lack of open in this “open” adoption. Right now it is very hard. I email and wait months to get a reply. I have not gotten pictures in what seems like forever. Visits are always mentioned but haven’t been set up in almost 2 yrs. I ask and am always told we will set it up in the next email. I obsessively check my email even though I know in my heart nothing will be there. I literally check 5 – 10 times a day. And every time I check my heart is in my throat until I see there is nothing there. Then it is all I can do not to climb into bed and cry my eyes out. Sometimes I think it really is killing me.

Last week I decided to give up. It is taking away from my other kids and they deserve better. I was no longer going to email begging for crumbs. i was going to just wait until she was 18 and we didn’t have to go through anyone else. I was 100% totally and completely done with these damn head games.

 Then I went to the bank. It was two shot Tuesday on our local station. They played a band I hadn’t heard in years. I was waiting for the usual music they play but was shocked to hear Guns N Roses. The first song ……


Shed a tear ’cause I’m missin’ you
I’m still alright to smile
Girl, I think about you every day now
Was a time when I wasn’t sure
But you set my mind at ease
There is no doubt
You’re in my heart now

Said, woman, take it slow
It’ll work itself out fine
All we need is just a little patience
Said, sugar, make it slow
And we come together fine
All we need is just a little patience
Mm, yeah

I sit here on the stairs
‘Cause I’d rather be alone
If I can’t have you right now
I’ll wait, dear
Sometimes I get so tense
But I can’t speed up the time
But you know, love
There’s one more thing to consider

Said, woman, take it slow
And things will be just fine
You and I’ll just use a little patience
Said, sugar, take the time
‘Cause the lights are shining bright
You and I’ve got what it takes
To make it, We won’t fake it,
I’ll never break it
’cause I can’t take it

…little patience, mm yeah, mm yeah
need a little patience, yeah
just a little patience, yeah
some more patience, yeah
need some patience, yeah
could use some patience, yeah
gotta have some patience, yeah
all it takes is patience,
just a little patience
is all you need *


Song number two if you haven’t guessed already….

Sweet Child O’ Mine
She’s got a smile that it seems to me
Reminds me of childhood memories
Where everything
Was as fresh as the bright blue sky
Now and then when I see her face
She takes me away to that
special place
And if I stared too long
I’d probably break down and cry

Sweet child o’ mine
Sweet love of mine

She’s got eyes of the bluest skies
As if they thought of rain
I hate to look into those eyes
And see an ounce of pain
Her hair reminds me
of a warm safe place
Where as a child I’d hide
And pray for the thunder
And the rain
To quietly pass me by

Sweet child o’ mine
Sweet love of mine

Where do we go
Where do we go now
Where do we go
Sweet child o’ mine

So due to the wisdom of Axel I am going to keep on with what I am doing. If I don’t see her until she is 18 it won’t be for lack of trying. I will not give up! As much as it hurts to be treated like this I will never stop.She will be able to look back and know that I wanted more than anything to be with her anyway I could. That I continued to try when it seemed hopeless, That I loved her enough to fight even now and never forgot her.

Never thought I would say this but ….. thanks Guns N Roses

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April 9, 2008 at 12:36 pm (adopted, adoptee, adopting, adoption, adoption reform, adoptive parent, birthmother, birthparents, Blogroll, cbs, Cindy Jordon, first mother, help, Independant Adoption Center, Jamie Kiefer, justice, law, natural mother, Stephanie Bennett, Uncategorized)

I had several posts swirling around in my little brain today but this is so much more important.

Cindy is remembered and will be as long as I live. I never knew her. I never spoke with her. Yet she probably would understand me more than my own family. We are forever connected. We are connected by a deep soul crippling pain.

I am so sorry Cindy!! I understand. Even though we never met, I love you as a sister. I am sending your family all the positive energy I have. Every year a candle burns brightly in a small window in NC for you.

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April 5, 2008 at 1:07 pm (adopted, adoptee, adopting, adoption, adoption reform, adoptive parent, first mother)

I read the greatest blog post. It summed up so much for me. With Mother’s Day approaching I wish everyone would read it

I am a mother to my lost daughter and no one can ever change that.

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Gotta love it

April 4, 2008 at 2:00 pm (adopted, adoptee, adopting, adoption, adoption reform, adoptive parent, birthmother, birthparents, first mother, Independant Adoption Center)

Up late obsessing again and ran across this on an agency ratings page. I’m not sure if it was a worker or the owner of the agency that posted it but I found a couple of things alarming. It can be found in its entirety here

So here are the things that made me want to scream

We are always very upfront with clients when they sign up with us and explain that birth mothers do have a right to change their mind about an adoption. Everyone on our staff works very hard to make these placments go through, but sometimes there is just nothing we can do.

Ummmm you shouldn’t be doing anything. If an expectant mother changes her mind you should just say goodbye and move on. You should not be working “very hard to make placements go through” when a mother decides to parent. You should leave her the hell alone!

The caseworker in this case put in countless hours with this birth mother and even went to her house (in a terribly dangerous part of TN) at night and banged on her door trying to get the birth mother to face her. She also left countless messages on her phone attempting to counsel with her. Molly is one of our finest caseworkers and I feel she did everything possible to make this placement work for you.

OMG! So basically your worker harassed this woman. She was banging on her door at night and leave tons of messages on her phone to try to make this adoption work for the APS. That is just great. Very ethical. Is this how you work very hard for all of your clients? How many mothers do you treat this way? Your worker should have been arrested for harassment.

Adoption Advantage has been very successful in placing children in the state of Arkansas and many small agencies have stopped their domestic program because they cannot recruit the number of birth mothers that we do. We spend a lot of advertising dollars to recruit these birthmothers that other agencies and attorneys are not willing to spend.

Recruit? How exactly do you recruit birthmothers? And what  kind of advertising are you spending all that money on? I am willing to bet you put out some of those sickeningly coercive “loving option” posters. Maybe one problem you are having with these birthmothers changing their minds is that they aren’t birthmothers. They are expectant mothers. They are the only mother to the child they are carrying. They have not signed TPR papers so they are just mothers. Maybe you should show them some respect and stop using the coercive practice of calling them birthmothers before they possibly could be.

So to sum it up…. you disgust me. Your worker should have been arrested and never be in a position to “work very hard” against another mother that decides to parent. Women who are considering adoption are not birthmothers! You should and probably do know that. You ahev a very very long way to go to become an ethical agancy. Maybe you should save all that advertising money and spend it on some ethics classes for you and your staff.

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Adoption Is The New Pregnant

April 1, 2008 at 12:56 pm (adopted, adoptee, adopting, adoption, adoption reform, adoptive parent, birthmother, birthparents, first mother, Independant Adoption Center, natural mother)

I really should not stay up late on the internet. Sometimes I run across things like this Ok so a friend actually showed it to me. My first thought when the picture popped up…. you have got to be f@*@ing kidding me!

Ummmm sorry but no. Adoption is not the new pregnant. For there to be an adoption someone gas to be pregnant you insensitive shit! Babies don’t just magically appear in social workers arms. There aren’t little girls dreaming if growing up to have their kids aopted by assholes wearing these shirts. There is a very real woman involved. A woman that has carried a child and kept that child safe. A woman who risked her life bring that child into this world. A woman who’s heart is going to break if she loses her child to adoption. A woman who’s life will be forever changed and will feel the pain of seperation until she dies. But who gives a fuck about her right? Adoption is the new pregnant!

And while I am offending people I have to say …… YOU ARE NOT PAPER PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am sorry if you can not have a child. I truly am but pretending will not change it. Adoption and pregnancy are not the same. Not amount of dumbass phrases will make them the same. Adoption and birth are very different. People need to stop pretending they aren’t. Signing a paper to adopt makes you no more pregnant than my big toe. I’m sorry but that is reality. No woman has ever died from complications during paper signing. Downplaying the vital and dangerous realities of pregnancy are demeaning to all mothers. Adoptive mothers might be researching and learning things but it is very very different. Why not just embrace those differences instead of pretending its the same?

So let the hate mail begin. I am sick of of the dellusional crap. Face reality people.


Dimples and Dandelions has taken the shirt off of their website. Yippie and thank you to all who wrote them about their offensive product!!!

Sadly the shirt can still be found here

Sooooooooooo write to them everyone. We can do this. Things like this do not belong in a civilized compassionate society. Let’s pretend we have a society like that and get rid of this dumbass shirt. Then we can do one more and one more until they are all gone

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