My Beloved

April 27, 2008 at 1:45 pm (adoption)

I debated about posting this all day today. I talk about my little A on this blog and don’t really mention my other kids. Ok well you all know Princess Bean. I rarely if ever mention my boys or my oldest daughter. I don’t mention my boys mostly because they are typical boys. I don’t want to bore everyone with honor roll announcements and stories of worms in my ice cubes. I don’t talk about my oldest daughter for a very different reason. I don’t talk about her because it hurts. For some reason tonight I just have to.

April 26 1998 my M was born. She was 4 months too early. Labor was brought on by a car accident and could not be stopped. She was born at 11:53pm. I held my sweet girl and sang to her softly for what seemed like an eternity. Sadly it was a lifetime. Her lifetime. She died in my arms 7 minutes later. It might have been sooner but that is when I let the doctors check. That was all the time I had with my first born girl. It wasn’t nearly long enough. I wanted more. I still want more.  She is a part of me and always will be.

I love you my sweet girl. One day we will be together again. Until them I will sing you a song everynight

 

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