Why?

May 31, 2008 at 11:20 am (adopted, adopting, adoption, adoption reform, first mother) (, , , , )

Why do adopters think it is perfectly acceptable to talk a bunch of shit about their aquired child’s mother online? Do they really think all first moms are stupid? Like we can’t google just as well as the rest of society. We are obviously not smart enough to type in your name and adoption and hit the damn search button. Geeee wizzzz when I don’t have someone telling me what to do I just walk into walls all day long!!!! Thank Goodness I have so much “help”

So while I was not googling people I stumbled on some things….

If I’m completely honest, part of me feels like she’s trying to take a title that she really doesn’t deserve. What if she got to a place where people convinced her she would have been a better parent and should kept him?

Oh Lord No!!! She might be empowered and feel confident in herself. Maybe she thinks you are trying to take a title you don’t deserve. How can she not deserve the title mother? She gave birth to that boy and loved and nurtured him for an entire pregnancy. Now she doesn’t deserve the title that makes her feel good because it isn’t birthmom. WTF??

As it turns out, T has been communicating with some first moms who are very bitter and resentful. Some are in “open adoptions” where the adoptive parents have cut off contact, so many of these women are distrustful of all adoptive families.

Hey Guess what…. us bitter resentful bitches can google too! How do you know these women are bitter and resentful. You admit to not knowing them. Maybe you should know someone before you throw around insults. I’m sure I can think of a few things to call you. If you really cared about this woman you would thank your lucky stars she has friends who understand the depth of her pain. (you never ever will) At least she isn’t alone crying in her pillow with no one to talk to. You should be writing thank you notes to her bitter resentful friends for helping her deal with you.

lately I feel like DD’s birth mom is constantly doing this “sibling comparison” thing. for example, she emailed me a pic of DD as a newborn and a pic of her (almost one year old) DD as a newborn and said, “Can you tell them apart?” Also, every time I talk about a developmental milestone, she will say older DD did that right then too. It’s weird. I appreciate the info, but I feel like she thinks everything is “preordained.” Or that DD has to be so much alike her siblings

The nerve of that woman! Comparing her kids to each other. Doesn’t she know she is required to ignore all similarities she sees in them! Its in the paperwork somewhere.

 She doesn’t even know anything about her. Yes, she gave birth to her and I am grateful she chose our family as adoptive parents and I’m not saying I don’t ever want to talk or hear from her again but it’s so hard because this is OUR daughter now, she couldn’t even tell you what her favorite book is, what her first words were or what her favorite things to eat are. It’s really frustrating and just makes me cry.

The only reason she doesn’t know that stuff is because you won’t let her. Do you really think she doesn’t want to know every detail? All she has is the crumbs you decide to throw her yet it is somehow her fault. Like it or not lady, that little girl has 2 mothers. It might be time you treated the other one with some dignity and respect instead of blaming her for things that are clearly of your doing.

Now I must go vomit

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U.S Adoptions fueled by Guatemala kidnappings

May 28, 2008 at 1:32 pm (adopted, adopting, adoption, adoption reform, birthmother, birthparents, first mother) (, )

he whole article can be found here http://abcnews.go.com/International/story?id=4787761&page=1 and be warned it is heartbreaking. (if you have a heart to begin with) I am going to comment on a few parts of this article.

The story of Raquel Par hit a huge nerve with me. Most people can not imagine waking up to find their child is gone. Not just in another room or out with daddy but gone. Taken, stolen, not coming back. I read this mother’s tragic story and instantly was taken back to that horrid day 2 yrs ago. I don’t remember anything that happened after getting in the car to go to the hospital. I just woke up 2 days later to discover I was no longer pregnant. There are no words to describe the horror. One minute my baby was safe inside my body and the  next I had no idea where she was. Now stop for a minute and think about that. Seriously think about it hard. Put yourself in that situation. Imagine the feelings that would bring. Imagine what that does to a persons mind.

And like this poor woman in a distant country no one cared. The police did nothing. The agencies lied to keep me calm until they could do away with my claim. The judge didn’t care. No one cared. and to add insult to injury when a mom goes public she is called a liar. I am so thankful that someone listened to this mother. I pray her and her sweet baby are reunited soon.

There wasn’t much on the article that shocked me. I was shocked at the comments. Most of them stated the article shouldn’t have been written. I’m very sorry if some have a hard time reading these things. However, these women have a right to be heard. Their stories are important. They are just as important as all the happy dappy farting rainbow adoption stories I have to see everyday.

I often wonder why these stories make some people so defensive. If you know 100% for a fact your adoption was ethical it shouldn’t bother you.I think the people all up in arms have some doubt or guilt going on. They have to deny it ever happens out of fear that maybe… just maybe… the child they adopted was stolen too.

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Holy Hell (language warning)

May 27, 2008 at 1:38 pm (adoption)

Ran accross this gem of a comment tonight while working on something else.

Anti-adoption advocates hate infertile couples in general, seeing us as the problem. What they fail to realize is that many, many infertile couples have NO desire at all to adopt. For us, adoption would only be a VERY LAST RESORT.

That’s right, birthmothers – your child would be a last resort for us, whether you like that or not. Your child is not the great prize you may think he is. What most of us want most is our own biological child!

Thank God for advances in reproductive medicine. IVF success rates are improving all the time. I predict in the future there will be a lot fewer people adopting or fostering children, because they will be able to have their own child.

Where to start….. thanks for the honesty I guess. I hope this goes on the first page of your homestudy. I hope you are never ever allowed to adopt or even be near kids. In fact don’t even look at kids. your stupidity might be catching.

I don’t hate infertile couples in general. I hate very specific infertile people. Yeah so its a large number of them but it is still specific. I think the true issue here is that you hate fertile people. Or maybe you hate your own infertile ass self. Fertile women did not make you infertile.

I am torn over praying IVF works for you or not. I would pray so that you never have to use your last resort of adoption but then I think about those genes passing on. If our children are so unwanted by people like you then why do you pay so much to steal them? And just for the record all my children are exactly the prize I think they are and you would be fucking lucky to ever even lay eyes on them. To even talk about a child’s worth in that way is sick. You are one emotionally disturbed bitch.

So how about this. You leave all the babies with their real mommies and take your hate elsewhere. I do thank you for the lovely tidbit I now have to show any pregnant women asking about adoption. This should help them a lot.

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What it feels like

May 20, 2008 at 1:18 pm (adopted, adoptee, adopting, adoption, adoption reform, birthmother, birthparents, first mother, justice) ()

Someone asked me recently what it feels like to be a natural mom. Since I am back in that deep dark pit of dispair I am just going to quote a song that sums it all up quite nicely.

Duality by Slipknot

I push my fingers into my eyes…
It’s the only thing that slowly stops the ache…
But it’s made of all the things I have to take…
Jesus, it never ends, it works it’s way inside…
If the pain goes on…
Aaaaaaaah!

I have screamed until my veins collapsed
I’ve waited as my time’s elapsed
Now, All I do is live with so much fate
I’ve wished for this, I’ve bitched at that
I’ve left behind this little fact:
You cannot kill what you did not create
I’ve gotta say what I’ve gotta say
And then I swear I’ll go away
But I can’t promise you’ll enjoy the noise
I guess I’ll save the best for last
My future seems like one big past
You’re left with me ’cause you left me no choice

I push my fingers into my eyes
It’s the only thing that slowly stops the ache
If the pain goes on,
I’m not gonna make it!

Put me back together
Or separate the skin from bone
Leave me all the Pieces, then you can leave me
alone
Tell me the reality is better than the dream
But I found out the hard way,
Nothing is what it seems!

I push my fingers into my eyes
It’s the only thing that slowly stops the ache
But it’s made of all the things I have to take
Jesus, it never ends, it works it’s way inside
If the pain goes on,
I’m not gonna make it!

All I’ve got…all I’ve got is insane…
All I’ve got…all I’ve got is insane…
All I’ve got…all I’ve got is insane!
All I’ve got…all I’ve got is insane!

I push my fingers into my eyes
It’s the only thing that slowly stops the ache
But it’s made of all the things I have to take
Jesus, it never ends, it works it’s way inside
If the pain goes on,
I’m not gonna make it!

There ya go. That is how it feels day in and day out. It actually doesn’t cover it all but its good enough for now.

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