I know I know

September 24, 2008 at 12:53 pm (adoption)

You have all missed me so much. I feel bad for neglecting my blog so much as of late.  In all honesty there has been a ton going on in my life and I retreated. I isolated myself as I so often do. I’m not sure how to deal with it all so I didn’t. I know not healthy. So now all you fine people will be stuck reading about the stuff I feel ok writing about.

There might be a visit in the works after 3 long years. Part of me is over the moon at the very idea of seeing my beautiful one after so long. The more realistic part of me is terrified to get my hopes up again. It would kill me if it was canceled at the last minute. I just don’t think I can take that feeling one more time. I’m not strong enough for that again. I did get some more pictures and a small update. Its more than I had at least. I hate being so paranoid but it all seems odd. After all this time they offer a visit. Its not even close to what I was promised but I’m getting use to taking what crumbs I can get.

Now on to the non adoption BS. My other grandfather got really sick (some of you might remember my post about my paternal grandfather’s passing) At first it didn’t seem to be too big a deal. After a week of him going back and forth from a nursing home to the hospital my mother frove up to be with my grandparents. My grandma can’t drive and was having a very hard time finding rides to go see my grandpa. He was expected to make a recovery. It was going to be a long recovery but still a recovery. You probably already guessed, he died. It was very sudden. He just was gone. He was sitting up and talking at the end of visiting hours. The hospital called the family that night and said he was having problems with his lungs. He was already gone by the time they could drive to the hospital. It was a huge shock. That alone was enough to send me into deep isolation.

Now the topping on the craptatic cake…. I was forbidden to attend any of the services. You see, I have children without the benifit of a shiny ass ring. Doesn’t matter that I am unmarried by choice or that I am well into adulthood. Without a damn wedding ring I am unworthy of attending my own grandfather’s burial. We just can’t make these kind of things public ya know. What would the neighbors say? We wouldn’t want my loose morals rubbing off on the younger grandkids. So basically I am not really a part of that family and they just forgot to tell me until now. Sweet. Gee I wonder why it was so easy for people to make me feel like I was unworthy to parent.

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5 Comments

  1. Jaded Tears said,

    My heart is with you, even if we dont talk like we use to. You are always in my thoughts and (in my own way) prayers.

  2. HeatherRainbow said,

    hugs to you ((Aislin)) It sounds like you’ve been through some rough times. It sucks that your family judges you so harshly. I’m unmarried by choice too. Remember that it is their loss.

    And, about you getting a visit, wow…. that sounds overwhelming in and of itself.

    I think of you often.

  3. Rachel said,

    So sorry that your family is behaving like this and especially at a time like this. As if death isn’t hard enough already. I’m the unmarried mama in my family and treated like an outcast at times also. It sucks but I’ve learned to expect it and not let it affect me. You are a better person than anybody who would treat you in such a way. The shame that they intend for you falls squarely upon themselves. Shame on them!
    Rachel

  4. Linda Webber said,

    How can others be so cruel?It hurts my heart that you are being judged by those who should be loving you uconditionally..Please know that I care about you and you deserve to be treated with love and respect.Take care!

  5. Michael Tim said,

    I love your site!

    _____________________
    Experiencing a slow PC recently? Fix it now!

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