Resolutions

January 1, 2010 at 10:56 am (adopted, adoptee, adopting, adoption, adoption reform, adoptive parent, birthmother, birthparents, Cindy Jordon, first mother, help, Independant Adoption Center, Jamie Kiefer, justice, law, natural mother, Stephanie Bennett) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Its the beginning of a new year and with that comes resolutions.  I have many resolutions. Some are the typical kind to do things like lose weight, be more active and be nicer to my brother. I know most of that won’t happen. (sorry bro) I have a few resolutions of the adoption nature.

 My big one is to write at least one entry on this blog a week. It sounds so easy but I know it will be very very hard for me to keep. Anyone in the adoption community knows how cruel it can be. Heartless comments and personal attacks are an every day occurence. I think we all know that natural mothers take more than their fair share of that. Its easy to hurt them. Its not very hard to know what to say to twist the knife in their heart. Before my break the comments had been getting to me more than I could deal with. This led me to my second resolution

Boundaries, they aren’t just for adoptees and APs anymore. I am setting some pretty major boundaries for this blog. I was trying not to hurt so many people that I was hurting myself. I will not do that anymore. On this blog mothers that have lost children to adoption are mothers or at the  natural mothers. They are not birth anything and even first will not be permitted in some cases. If you comment with the b words I will simply edit it to say natural. I hate to do that but its my blog and I am sick of the disrespect.

On the subject of language, I will refer to people that adopt on a case to case basis. I have met some people that have adopted that truly understand what is happening in the adoption industry and I refer to them as adoptive parents. Why? Because they show me respect and I return the favor. The whole two way street thing. However, if you are an asshat that happens to have adopted you will be refered to as an adopter or worse. I will not hold punches anymore for people that swing with everything they have.

So there ya have it folks. This new year you do not get a kinder gentler Aislin. I tried that and it sucked. You get a more direct, stronger and honest Aislin. If you don’t like it I am truly sorry but no one is forcing you to read.

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2 Comments

  1. Kitty said,

    Hi Aislin

    Well done! Someone has to give strength to “natural” Moms – hate that term as well, anyway. I’ve recently been re-united with my Mom.

    And my heart just broke, when she sent her first email to me. She signed it with her name :o( , then she progressed to first-mom:o( and then (I was so nervous of pushing her too fast…) but I just did it. I emailed her and said,”Mom…you are not my first-mom you’re my only Mom. I cannot call you by your name or anything other than Mom.” In my eyes there is only 1. She was so worried that she was somehow going to offend me, or say the wrong thing, and lose me again.

    I hope so many Mom’s will read your blog and be given the confidence to call themselves Mom. And that “adoptive-moms” will understand they’re the ones who need the hyphen!!! This should be normal!!! Hearbreakingly it isn’t…

    I look forward to all your posts in the future. xx

  2. heatherrainbow said,

    Awesome!!! Welcome back!! Yey Boundaries!!! 🙂

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