For Real?? You’re Kidding Right?
I was brought to my attention last night that there is a blog written by an adopter that has linked several mothers that I know as well as a couple adoptees. This “blogger” has just discovered the horror that some people don’t believe adoption is all sunshine and rainbows. People that think families should not be destroyed to create another “family” and that people are not interchangeable is just shocking to her. If you have the stomach for it, you can read the whole thing here
http://gracecomesbyhearing.blogspot.com/2009/12/best-hope.html
I want to touch on a couple of things from her post and since her comments are on moderation I will be doing it here.
While I do agree many of the people in the adoption reform movement have had bad experiences with adoption it in no way negates the need for reform. That is like saying that a rape victim just had a bad experience so there really isn’t any need for tougher laws. It is also not just women in this movement. There are quite a few male adoptees and fathers that fight the good fight right along side the women. Some of us are totally anti adoption (myself included) and some of us are not. You really must not have read very much if you didn’t notice that. Some of our supporters are adoptive parents that have seen the truth of what is being done to acquire these babies for people willing to pay the fees. Most people with any compassion or empathy would want to stop a corrupt system that profits from snatching babies from their mother’s breast and selling them to the highest bidder.
As for the woman’s story you link, It should make you cry. it should make you weep for that family. Drugging a woman that has just given birth is evil. That woman had a very complicated delivery that ended in an emergency c section. They tied her tubes “while they were in there” making it impossible for her to ever have another child. If she had signed a contract to buy a freaking lawnmower while under that amount of medication, after a major surgery, while still bleeding in her hospital bed it would never hold up in court. Yet because the word adoption is on the paper it was perfectly legal for them to get her to sign away her much beloved son. The son she had already named and who’s siblings were waiting for at home. This should make you do more than shed a few tears. It should make you rage for a mother, father and 3 children whose lives are utterly destroyed.
Make no mistake, their lives were destroyed. They will never be ok. They might live, laugh, love and enjoy aspects of life but forever their will be an empty spot beside them where that little boy should be. Do you have any idea where that woman is now, 4 yrs later? I do. She is trying to survive for the child she has left. She spends all night curled up n the couch crying and looking at pictures of that baby. She tries anything to forget for even one second that her baby is out there being raised by people that used her and lied to her. It doesn’t work. It never works. She remembers every second with every cell in her body and it is killing her. How do I know? Because I am the one talking her down at 4 in the morning when she doesn’t think she can go on any longer. I am the one holding her hand all night long. I am the one scared to death every time his birthday rolls around tat she will do something understandable but tragic. I am the one that has to watch her self destruct with guilt and pain while I am powerless to stop it.
So you are damn right we are angry. No one in their right mind wouldn’t be angry when faced with this hell. I am not mad at God. I am angry at people. Evil selfish people who use others for selfishness and greed and then throw them away like garbage. These acts are not God’s plan. It is offensive for you to even suggest that they are. God does not destroy one family to “build” another. God does not approve of lying and stealing to get what you want. Jesus preached of loving our neighbors and taking care of them not stealing children because you have more money. Evil acts are NEVER God’s plan. God weeps when he sees his children treat each other this way. So don’t feed me your God’s plan crap. That is all it is crap. Why isn’t it God’s plan for the infertile to remain childless then? It sucks when the shoe is on the other foot huh?
I won’t even get into your dribble about blank slates, second best or the way you make sure to type “natural mother” every single time tonight. I have used up enough energy on you for one evening. Oh and if you are going to try to take us on at least have the guts to post comments
Aborted Mother 
Myst1998 said,
January 2, 2010 at 5:02 pm
Well said Aislin. I am gutted for this mother who was linked as well. It is for these mothers those of us with enough strength need to stand up and yell that little bit more loudly.
The woman that wrote this blog, SHE is the distrubing person. Because there are those who want to keep more families together and lessen the chances of families like your friend’s being torn apart, she sees us as the disturbing ones when she should be looking in the mirror at her own stone heart. She is just the sort of person I meant in my blog about why adoption is sick. She laughs and seeks to destroy others who speak up about evil so she can feel better about her own actions. Seriously. Messed. Up.
Cheers!
Campbell said,
January 3, 2010 at 3:19 am
I just can’t help but take offense to someone saying “adoption is sick”. It isn’t always. It isn’t! I know this comment won’t be liked but I trust I won’t be attacked for having a different opinion. I read the aforementioned blog, a couple of times. I don’t see it in the way the poster sees it. I see other things that make me uncomfortable (mainly the religious angle) but they have nothing to do with adoption itself.
I hope your friend finds the fortitude to survive + for the child she has left. As a survivor of parental loss due to death of a sibling I feel confident in saying it hurts like hell to have a parent be so consumed with their personal pain that they forget about those of us that are here, present, and “alive”. I’m angry with what happened to your friend, but you know what? At the moment I’m even angrier with her for making the child she lost more important than everyone else who loves and cares about her. And that includes you, the poster.
aislin13 said,
January 3, 2010 at 5:24 am
You can ake offense all you like. Adopion is sick. I has been geing sicker and sicker as time goes on. It is a corrupt system that preys on vunerable women and children. Passing out business cards begging for babies to pregnant women without wedding rings at Walmart is sick. OB/GYNs being sent and actually accepting adoptive parent profiles is sick. Canvasing Planned Parenthood and college campases for pregnant women is sick. Sending out cutsie emails to “spread the word” is sick. If a woman is looking for information n adoption she will contact an agency. Stalking and hunting down pregnant women is freaking sick!!!!! And his is just the sickness of the wanna be adopters. Let’s move on to the industry…..
Spending millions to “network” for pregnant women is sick. Calling expetant mother birthmom the moment you meet them is sick. Research how best to manipulate women into signing away their rights is sick. Showing up with papers to a woman’s delivery room is sick. Getting a woman to sign away the rights to he flesh and blood while you know she is heavily medicated is sick. I could go on for several pages but I hope you see the point. Adoption as a whole is very very sick. I will go one step further, Adoption is evil. Run by evil people for people with a take from the poor and give to the rich mentality.
So far I have just been disagreeing with you but here is where that changes. Who do you think you are to come here and talk about being angry at a woman that is suffering so horridly? Losing a child to adoption is totally different than losing one to death. She doesn’t get the closure your mother did. She has to cycle through the grief ovew and over and over. She gets to suffer the flashbacks and nightmares of PTSD. She gets to smile and pretend its all ok for the adopter so she doesn’t have the “open” adoption slammed shut in her face. She has to worry about the pain and betrayal her other child feels. She has to watch while someone else dictates what her children are allowed to refer to each other as. This is what you don’t seem to get, all of the children are utterly destroyed. Losing one is not more important than the other. Losing one has traumatised the other. It has devestated the entire family. Who exactly are you to judge any of them.
How about this. You give up your kid. Now go see that kid once a month. Make sure to smile and sing the praises of adoption the whole time. Oh yeah that little girl that misses her sibling, be sure to coach her on how to fake the happiness. Mrs. Adopress didn’t think she was happy enough last time. Make sure not to cringe everytime your beloved child calls the woman that lied to you and used you with no mercy mommy.
Try that for a couple months and get back to me on your judgements. You have no clue what it is like for women that have had their children stolen. Try looking up a few studies on the side efffects of adoption on mothers and siblings before you come here and talk crap about someone I love that is struggling. Kicking people while they are down never helps and you will not do it here without being set straight
Cassi said,
January 3, 2010 at 5:56 am
Yeah, read that one and the two ones prior. Also noticed that Myst’s blog was linked in one of the previous ones and she does all she can to challenge just about everything Myst has to say while still feeling “sorry” for her.
And I think that is where she is going to find her justification. She is going to label those who are fighting for change, in whatever way, as troubled souls. The one’s with bad experiences. The ones who had that oh, so rare thing happen to them that just really doesn’t happen all that much and should never taint the happy image of adoption.
I don’t know. I responded and am waiting to see if it will be posted. Either way, I think I’ll write up a post this week for a more indepth answer.
I think what gets to me in these situations is that these poeple will fight, discredit, and do all the can to try to lower the worth of those speaking up so that they don’t have to chance their view. They MUST feel good about their experience so they will do all they can to lower others to continue their own happiness.
And I do find it ironic that again, here is another proclaimed God-Loving Christian who believes it was God’s plan to give her her adopted son but, as she stated in a previous post about this, has limits on how much she is truly willing to support a pregnant mother in need.
Yeah, a woman who pretty much believes, if you got pregnant you should deal with it and I”m not willing to support you or allow my government to offer you more support is really the “good” Christian that God is looking out for.
I believe that one!!!!
Myst1998 said,
January 3, 2010 at 9:11 am
I just wanted to point out that Aislin was not writing the first post regarding my blog as Campbell seems to believe.
And I wanted to say Campbell, if you are pro adoption, of COURSE you will not believe the things I or anyone has to say. Why would you? You need to cling to the idea that adoption is okay. But the truth is, whether you choose to realise this or not (because truth is solid and doesn;t change no matter what you want to say), adoption is more than sick. It embodies the same principals as slavery and THAT was abolished. It took a while for people to see how evil it was but eventually, the good people finally showed it for what it was and salvery went to where it belonged: down the trube, as adoption belongs.
Anyone who cannot or refuses to see a different way for children who need care than adoption is either very low in intellect or stubborn and living in a tight bubble of make believe. I don’t care if you disagree with me or not Campbell and all the other pro ripping apart families to make sure they have their needs met people, its not my job to change your mind, its my job to educate and show adoption up for the cruel institution it is. You can disagree until you are blue in the face, pick me and anyone else like Aislin and anyone else who stands against those like you apart BUT it will not change the facts and all it does is make you a part of something revolting and putrid. Children do not need ownership, they need love and adoption is all about ownership; just as slavery was.
Campbell said,
January 4, 2010 at 12:03 am
I know who’s blog Aislin is regarding in her post as I took the time to read it, which I point out in my comment. Of course, Myst, it’s your comment I’m referencing when I speak of taking offense to adoption being categorized, unequivocally, as sick. Aislin was so kind as to support you wholeheartedly in this close-minded point of view. I am adopted and it wasn’t and isn’t sick so therefore you now both know of at least one confirmed case of successful adoption.
Aislin, you thinking that it’s easier? better? to lose a child or sibling of 38 years of age to sudden death than to visit them once a month seeing them alive and well is frightening to me and shouldn’t need any explanation as to why it’s frightening.
I am sick to death of women putting their own needs before innocent children, and when I say women I mean first mothers, adoptive mothers, ex-wives, stepmothers, single mothers, widows, teen mothers, rich mothers, poor mothers, drug or alcohol addicted mothers and any other kind of woman who finds herself in a position of mothering.
I stand by my previous comment and will continue to hope your friend finds the fortitude to put her children before herself but I’ll add to it and say that I hope you will take the time to realize that not everything is black and white, cut and dried, applicable to all when it comes to adoption. Perhaps if you are able to do that you’ll be able to achieve (what I hope is) your goal of exposing the dark side of adoption, without insulting the innocent, good people your intent should be to inform.
Yes, you and the other first mother bloggers have enlightened me when it comes to coerced adoption and the corruption that exists but only because I took the time to look past the close mindedness that seems to run rampant. The inability to learn something from someone else, to accept responsibility for one’s role in perpetuating and enabling a vicious cycle of piss poor parenting, parenting from a place of anger and self pity are all things that hinder your progress. Your “movement” needs people like me to ask more questions when someone we know is adopting, talk to others about the dark side, to become involved period. Not everyone is willing to take the time I’m taking to hear what I think you’re trying to say, especially when they feel attacked and/or afraid to share how they feel.
I’m not even going to try and and address the implication that my being adopted is akin to slavery. It’s not only ridiculous but also insulting to the people who were and are victims of slavery or human trafficking.
aislin13 said,
January 4, 2010 at 4:26 am
Campbell I can see you are trying very hard to make yourself right but you just keep sticking your foot in it. If you actualy read as well as you claim you would have seen that I said adoption as a whole is sick and it is. I didn’t ever say every single adoption is a failure. I am very happy you find yours to be a success. However, I do not consider any adoption a success unless all parties had a positive outcome and agree that it was indeed the best thing. If you had read any of my blog you would know that I do love and hold some adoptive parents very dear. From what you have written I am guessing you have read this one post and maybe one or two more. That is hardly enough to form any kind of informed opinion. I at the very least read two months of posts on a blog before deciding to open my mouth.
I never said death of a loved one was better. I don’t think either situation is something any mother should have to live through. I have great compassion for your mother. I have lost a child to death and I would never wish it on my worst enemy. The thing you don’t want to see is that yes death is psychologically eaiser for the mind of the mother. Does that mean I wish all adopted kids had die instead? Hell no. It just means I want people to wake up and realise these women are dealing with a level of grief seldom seen. I am truly sorry you can not open your mind to see that saying it is worse than death psychologically and wishing babies dead is not the same thing. It makes me very sad for you. If you do want to expand your outlook a bit you can try looking up unresolvable grief and natural mothers.
I have to agree with you on the next point. I am sick of ANY person putting themselves before children. I also add fathers, adoption workers, doctors and jsut about any one else in the mix. It is not an issue just relevant to mothers.
Would it be so hard to just say you wish my friend well? Maybe you do not see the way you are coming off with these statements. Saying I hope she can find the strength to stop being a selfish cow and stop fucking up her kids isn’t the most sincere thing I have ever heard. How about we show some true compassion for the people in this world that are suffering? Is it really that damn hard. Not to mention you only read the parts you wanted to. You ignored the fact that she is desperately holding it together for her kids. Maybe you didn’t figure out that when she is crying out for help at NIGHT her kids are asleep. I am truly sorry your mother did not hold it togethr for you but reading your last comment it seems you were an adult when your sibling died. I am not sure how your case would apply to this one in the slightest considering that. I will ease your mind here since you seem like a rabid dog with a bone on this one, she is a damn good mother. She never breaksdown in front of her children EVER! You assume that she does out of some need of your own. I would really drop that subject now. I have been pretty tame so far but I can can promise you my temper will get the best of me on this subject. You do not know her. You do not know her children. You seriously think a friend writing about watching a friend suffer is giving you a full picture of her parenting. Get real.
I have learned quite a bit from toerh people but I do not compromise myself anymore. Honestly, you probably came here at a bad time. You picked the wrong post to start with. I am like a mother bear and will defend my loved ones to the death. It also doesn’t help when you insult at every damn turn while smiling and pretending to be oh so enlightened and helping us on our way. I do not and have never parented from a place of anger. If you know so much about my parenting tell me one thing about my kids. I don’t talk about them much here because this blog isn’t about them. No one in my life would believe I even write this blog. On the average day I am a very happy, outgoing person who devotes their whole life to their kids. I am a room mom. I plan parties for the JROTC. I do bake sales and silent auctions. I organize, drive to and chaperone fieldtrips. And I do this all with a very active toddler attached at the hip. My children all maintain honor roll and that is with 2 of them being special needs. That might not seem like a lot to you but for 2 autistic boys it is a lot. I drive to therapies, I take them to social groups, I work hand in hand with the numerous casemanagers, community support workers and doctors to get my children what they need. I advocate for other autistic children in my city so they too can get the help they need and their parents can know what their rights are. So I think I will keep up my piss poor parenting. It seems to be working very well for my children. Have you even figured out how many kids I have oh great judger of parenthood?
Do you seroiusly believe that ypu can form a complete picture of who someone is by a blog that is only on one subject? Most mothers keep their adoption blogs totally seperate. You are taking one aspect of a person’s life and judgeing the whole thing on that one tiny fragment. Who is the close minded one again?
aislin13 said,
January 4, 2010 at 4:27 am
Oh forgot to say the slavery thing wasn’t in my post so you can take that up with who wrote it. I doubt many slaves are up in arms by the comparison
Myst1998 said,
January 4, 2010 at 8:31 am
Campbell, you remind me of the adoptees I have met who are in denial about adoption being so wonderful and the realised they are not so happy with it.
Your need to defend it so dogmatically shows fear. So what if you have a happy story? You are only 1 person. And before you can say that and be 100% correct, I would need to speak to all your family, both adoptive and real plus the generations that were to come because adoption doesn;t just affect YOU but entire family trees.
I am not putting myself or any other woman first thanks. THAT is what adoption does so at least we are both in agreement with that (although you can’t see it).
And yes, adoption today is just like slavery. It sells children just as slavery did. Oh, adoption is also a very big part of human traffiking… I can’t believe you are so unaware of this… but then if you choose to cling to populat belief then of course you would be.
As for ‘attacking’ ‘good’ people?? Your own words do not come over as understanding and willing to give us the time of day. No way. You merely jumped right in and judged because you didn’t like what we had to say. Ask all your questions; we have been manipulated enough and will never fall victim to that again. I wonder how you would react to victims of other crimes, as it is becoming apparent to me that you lack compassion for anyone who has suffered anything.
“The inability to learn something from someone else, to accept responsibility for one’s role in perpetuating and enabling a vicious cycle of piss poor parenting, parenting from a place of anger and self pity are all things that hinder your progress.
I would say the closed minded individual is you. Not to mention judgemental and downright ignorant by choice.”
That is exactly what you are… showing a HUGE inability to learn. Who are YOU to judge who has piss-poor parenting? And who is parenting from a place of anger? Wow, you are really so self righteous aren’t you. You express the view of most adopters who feel so superior to anyone else they have the right to put down anyone who dares to differ in opinion. Well, tough because I don’t wear that crap. Find yourself a quarter and tell someone who gives a damn.
MaryReunited said,
January 4, 2010 at 12:52 pm
Holy cow! I don’t even know where to start- Campbell well good for you that your adoption was so wonderful. Aislin speaks for many of us though, you would do well to listen and pay attention instead of attacking- Because honestly I just want to smack you and say Hey haven’t you been paying any attention?
Krista said,
January 5, 2010 at 7:14 am
I also am behind Aislin in her comments. I am an adult adoptee in reunion.
Jennifer said,
January 6, 2010 at 5:03 am
Hi. I’m a mother and my child was stolen. Everything Aislin and the other woman who supports her, is true. It’s hard for me to read the truth, even though I know it’s truth and believe it. Thank you for defending mother’s like me. Not many do. I don’t have many people at all who know or really truly care what happened to me. And those who do care, care enough to be there for me, are only online. Dealing with this grief in person, by myself, having no one to turn to, is even harder. I don’t have anyone I can call up when the grief tosses over me lie a tsunami. I have to bear up, suck it up, on my own. When I’m out in public and there’s children around, especially a child of the same gender and age of my child, I have to look away, and fight back tears. When I’m around relatives children, I, who love all children, and am very nurturing, and a good mother, in though I’ve been robbed and am being denied, I have to buck up, so that they don’t feel there’s something wrong with them. I mother them as I would my own child if I hadn’t been robbed. Because that’s what’s a good parent does! They love and parent all children, whether they’re their own or not!
To the person who says ‘they’ had a good adoption experience. You are speaking only from your point of view. You’re not your real mother or father. You can’t look into their minds nor hearts. You don’t know what it was like for them to not raise you. You don’t know if they had days or nights where they missed and ached for you and were brought to tears. Because you got a good set of people to raise you, and made you feel loved, does not and never would, negate the fact that you have a real mother and father that God used to create you, who may very well have struggled in not having you raised by them, as their child, which you are, even if you don’t feel like you are, as you clearly have loyalty to the ones who raised you. Good for you. Good that you are one of the lucky ones that got a good couple, not all who are adopted are so fortunate. But biology carries with it a physical connection and spiritual connection that can never be duplicated in adoption.
The woman and man raising my child had no respect for me. Nor my child. All the details why, are my personal business and I choose not to share with you. They can claim to love my child, they may be providing for my child better than I ever could, but any person who completely ignores the rights of a real parent, especially the mother, who carries her child inside her for 10, not 9, 10 months, and to have absolutely not just no empathy, but no sympathy, no compassion for my pain? When I ask for and am denied, even one picture of my child from them? When I ask to know how my child is and am ignored? Unlike some situation, mine is very complicated. I know these people. They are hypocrites. They are selfish. They are evil. They claim to know God, and act like good people. They lie about me, they are lying to my child. I know the way they live, and of things they are doing which are not beneficial to my child. That intensifies my pain, my agony! Because not only was I robbed of my flesh and blood child, whom I love with every cell in my body, but I have been stripped of my rights, and am powerless to stop or change that bad things they have done, and are doing. One day, hopefully when my child is 18, I will be then able to get in contact with him, and I, the real mother, who will have had to struggle to survive all this time, will likely be the one to have to tell him the truth. That he was stolen. That I and he was disrespected before any adoption. That who he thought he was, and who he thinks are his parents, aren’t exactly as he will have come to believe. I have to hope and pray every day that he will believe me, and that he will understand. That he wont reject me then alienate me too, as they rejected me, erased me, alienated him from my life, having relegated me to little more than an incubator! Because of their lies, and things I couldn’t change, and the bond they’ve been able to form with him, when they shouldn’t been allowed to, he may never understand or accept me. And even if he does, in all likelihood, he will never regard me as his mother. I’ll never be able to address him as my son, by the name I gave him. Instead, I will have to be known by just my first name, and call him what they called him. Which they had no right to do, as they didn’t get to adopt him until he was 2 and a half years old!
Children are not property! People take a child, and one of the first things they want to do, is change the name! Do you know why that it is? It’s a purely selfish motivated effort to strip a child of anything to associate them with their true parents, and to stamp them with a name THEY choose, as a sign of “this is my property now”. The children have no choice in any of it! Not even those who are older! A mind isn’t mature enough til well into adulthood, to fathom all aspects of identity, and heritage! True, biological heritage! So for someone who is an adult to either fully make that choice for the child, or to coach the child along in such adult decisions, is deplorable! And it’s evidence of the selfish, gutless, uncaring character of those who claim to love a child!
There is a God, and He is in control, and He does NOT approve of such, EVIL! He has the power to give life, and to take it away! If a woman and man are unable to have a child together, than if they can’t seek God and be given the blessing of a child by Him, than obviously, they are NOT meant to have children together! But that isn’t good enough for them is it! They have to then act out of their selfish desire to have not a child, any child, no a BABY, a brand new, innocent, unmarred, malleable BABY! The spend thousands on medical treatments or on foreign adoption, that could have been used to care for a child that is already in this world, and as been for years, and desperately needs a home, and love!
I would gladly take a child of any age, if it meant I got to mother a child, not just because I know I’m a good enough person, and a good enough mother, not because I’m selfish, but because I’m self-less! Because ALL children deserve to be cared for, but more than that! Respected, cherished, honored, LOVED! That is why if I were to ever be blessed with another child that I didn’t carry and give birth to, I would never tell them nor myself nor anyone, that I am their mother, because I am not. I am simply a woman who loves unconditionally, all people, and who cares enough to mother a child, but not try to give myself gratification by trying to place myself into shoes that are not mine, nor never could be! And if the child already had a name, that their true parent gave them, even if it was the most horrible name in the world, I would not change it, because it may be the one thread that connects them to their biological roots! I may work with the child on a nick name, if it meant making their life as a child easier, but it would be up to them as an adult, to decide if they wanted to change their name, and what to!
Until you have bee in the place of a parent who has had to give up a child, or who has had a child stolen, you have no base to speak from! You are just an outsider looking in, and you could never even begin to understand this reality, this torment, this agony!
Myst1998 said,
January 6, 2010 at 8:38 am
(((((Jennifer))))) I am so, so very sorry to hear you have been another mother who has suffered at the hands of adoption. Please know, although some days it feels like it, you are not alone. There is a whole other world of mothers in our position, many of whom are not even on the net.
Lots of love,
Myst
Jennifer said,
January 7, 2010 at 6:01 am
((((((((Myst))))))) Thank you. I hope to connect with other mothers. I wish this never happened, to any of us. I’ll never understand. I try. It goes through my mind all the time. How people can be so cruel. I just don’t get it. Lots of love to you! And may God bless you abundantly! -Jennifer
aislin13 said,
January 6, 2010 at 10:05 am
Jennifer, I sent you an email honey. You are not alone at all. If you ever need to talk you can email me. I know how hard it is to have no one to talk to.
Jennifer said,
January 7, 2010 at 6:03 am
Thank You. I took your advice and am waiting to hear back. I hope I will connect with other mothers. God bless you! (((((((Aislin))))))) -Jennifer
lissa said,
January 7, 2010 at 1:28 am
(((Jennifer))) I’m so sorry you are hurting so badly. Every word, every feeling you expressed I scream inside myself every day. The never-ending pain and horrendous grief of being separated from your child:(
~Lissa
Jennifer said,
January 7, 2010 at 6:13 am
(((((((lissa))))))) Thank you. I’m sorry you have to go through this too. 😦 You’re in my prayers. God bless you! -Jennifer
MaryReunited said,
January 7, 2010 at 7:15 am
((((((((((((Jennifer))))))))))) I am so sorry for your pain- you can email anytime as well. The pain never ends, not completely, but it does get better. Do you realize how strong and brave you are to have come here and bared your soul to people who have no empathy as well as to those of us who know exactly what you speak of? Give yourself a hug sweetheart and pretend it’s me holding you close…
Jennifer said,
January 8, 2010 at 11:47 am
(((((((Mary))))))) Thank you. Never been told I was brave before for sharing, in fact I’ve thought it’s stupid, and crazy, since many people either don’t respond, or they think based on details, that it’s my fault, or that I deserve this. For the careless mistakes I made, that I didn’t realize would have such devastating consequences. 😦 God bless you Mary. I hope you don’t mind if I pray for you too.
DJ said,
July 13, 2010 at 6:46 am
The truth is…everybody wants to have smart parents. If my mother had been manipulated into giving me up for adoption, and I was being raised by a women who was smart and savvy enough to “get” me, I think it’d be a bit of a relief knowing that I was safe with people (adoptive parents) who couldn’t ever be talked into giving up their adopted child. My daughter is adopted, and you know what? She’s MY daughter, and the first thing that makes her my daughter is not that she came out of me, but that I claim to this world that she is mine to raise. What’s sad for the siblings who weren’t given up for adoption is the fact that they know a sibling of theirs was. What must they be thinking? If I do something bad will mommy and daddy give me up? What is some fast talking nice man comes knocking at my door, will my naive parents get talked into something else equally as traumatic to our family? My daughter may know that I contributed to the ” industry” of adoption, but she also knows that there is no way in hell her momma would ever EVER give her up. And nobody, NOBODY could even get me to consider relinquishing her. That is so obviously not what the women who gave birth to her felt about her. And she was relinquished at three weeks so it wasn’t right after birth, but I still believe there is not a single, not a SINGLE excuse for watching someone walk away with your child and not FIGHT for them. Jesus Christ, you don’t fucking give away your child, and if by God you have, you accept that you’ve done it, move on with your life, and quit blaming other people that you have.
aislin13 said,
July 19, 2010 at 12:06 pm
Wow thanks for your comment. I really mean it. Thanks a ton. I always love it when I get one of you to show your true colors. Not only do you prove my point about how mentally unbalanced adopters are but you help further my cause. I take all these niffty comments and show them to women that are being talked into adoption. Don’t worry about trying to delete this. I saved it already and have it nice and safe. Who knows, maybe I can even show it to your daughter when she shows up in one of my support groups which she will obviously need being raise by such a wretched judgemntal bitch.
I would go into how you have no right to judge until you have been in the situation, yada yada; but you obviously wouldn’t listen. I would say that you should show some compassion for that little girl’s MOTHER but you obviously aren’t capable. You are a sad pathetic excuse for a human being so why should I waste my time.
Want to know what that little girl’s siblings are thinking? They are thinking someone took their sister. They thinking is my mom is good enough and loves us enough why did they TAKE my sister. Honestly, her siblings are none of your concern or business. They are fine and better off with their mother. I only wish she would have had the help she needed to save HER daughter from you.
Oh and if we are going to compare intelligence you might want to come up with a better justification for being a greedy coveting vulture. Your flawed logic and circular thinking just prove that the one with the smarts is not you. Adoption is not about who is smarter. Its about who has more money and less morals. So yippie for you! You had money and lack morals. You and your Christ must be real fucking proud
tannes said,
July 21, 2010 at 10:35 am
I read this and I see yet another adopter who so desperately wants to be okay. Why the need to tear people down? Why the need to tear down the mother of the child you are laying claim to? the woman who gave birth to her?
If you’re all that and a bag of chips, you’d be able to be comfortable enough in your own skin.. no need to attack others.
Honestly, this finders keepers mentality in adoption is disheartening and sickening.
Preying on someone in a weak moment/point in their life doesn’t make you a better person. It makes you a vulture.
Myst said,
July 19, 2010 at 6:54 pm
Wow DJ, thank you for proving how crackpot adopters really are and that everything that has ever been said about those who adopt are all about posession and themselves, is true. You should be proud. Not that I would be because I am not the sort of nasty creature you seem to strive to be but seeing as that is how you want to be, then well done, you achieved your goal.
Yes, you have contributed to the industry of adoption. The industry that preys on young mothers and their children whilst lying through their teeth about how they want to help a young child who has no one. You really want to be proud of that? Wow. Really, wow.
That girl you adopted, you can claim she is yours until you are blue in the face but, that doesn’t make her yours. No darling, she will never be YOUR daughter, you are just lucky enough to share in her life… but the truth is, Nature chose someone else to be her mother and no matter what that other woman has done or not done, she will ALWAYS be the mother. You can’t manipulate nature regardless of how much you try to with man made law. At the end of the day, you are sloppy seconds for her… otherwise she would have been born to you in the first place! But she wasn’t, and if she could have had a voice, she would have wanted her mother to be her mother, not some stranger.
As for your comment about smart parents….. that just shows your true colours about how you view yourself. Make sure you have a lot of wet towlettes on hand when you finally pull your head out of your rear end, I am sure you are going to need them to clean up all the mess!
HeatherRainbow said,
July 22, 2010 at 8:55 am
DJ,
That’s really sick. The amount of ownership you are claiming of this young woman speaks volumes. Ownership of a person = Slavery. How does it feel knowing that you “own” a person that you had to pay for in order to claim as your own, similarly as to how slaves were bought. No amount of paperwork can make you a parent. Guess who the dumb one is now? You. (I figured I’d have to spell it out for you.) Another thing… you may think you own her, but you can’t own her spirit, and you will never own her roots or her wings.
DJ said,
August 16, 2010 at 1:23 pm
First off, let me make this clear. I am not your typical adoptive mother, so don’t sum me up. I actually admit that I DID buy the right to raise my daughter, but I don’t “own” her, and I admit that, always have. I just don’t feel bad about buying the rights to raise my daughter, money makes the world go round, and if that what it takes to make us happy, and to unite a family, well then, so be it. Also, I am so far from being some freaky christian type, you have no idea. I hope there’s some higher being out there, but I don’t pretend to know ANYTHING about that.
But I do know that when it comes to relinquishing children that the women carrying that child makes that choice.. No one else. And for some reason, all these forums of real mothers bitching about their stolen children, confirms that most of them realize that hey made a tremendous mistake but just don’t or can’t take responsibility for it. They just can’t own up to the choice that they made. They can’t take responsibility for what they chose to do. “Oh the industry!” They claim. The big bad people who RIPPED their babies from their arms. Oh god, they make me sick with all their feel sorry for me bullshit.
You speak of nature? You speak of what’s “natural” . You just try to take a wolve’s pup from her right after birth, and she will rip your hand from its wrist. You just try and take a cub from its mother and she will slash you with her claws. but you women, you natural mothers you lay there and watch as they walk away with your baby? You sigh papers and PLAN out the relinquishment of your baby before the poor child is even given a chance to say hello? And this is “natural” and you are the natural mother. You’re damn right that baby of mine is MINE, because I would BEAR my teeth at anyone who came to take her away. In everyday life I am a kind, soft spoken, and professional women. But someone just dare try to harm or take my baby, and you will see nature at its most “natural”, and by god you will swallow your shit and say THAT women is most assuredly that child’s mother. Or at least you’ll think, that “that crazy bitch thinks she is the mother”, and tell me, dear ladies, what in gods name is the difference? You watch my daughter, you watch her scream if you dared tried to take her, you take my baby from me and listen to her cries and tell her I’m not her mother! You listen to her scream my name and you ask me what I am to her! Oh, and what can you say to this? That she doesn’t know! that she doesn’t know what? That another women gave birth to her? What the hell would she care about that nonsense for? No, no ladies, it’s not that she doesn’t know, it’s that she doesn’t care! And the only reason why she might care later is because she may be an empathetic women who understands that it would not have been easy to carry a child full term, and give birth to it. But THAT’S IT. Hopefully, she will carry a child herself, and then she will know the pains of labor, and I hope that she finds it in her heart to thank the beautiful women who her carried her full term. But this women will never be her Mother, she won’t cry for this women when she is sick or in pain, she will think of the women who has always answered her cries, the women who has always been their for her; her Mother.
You know, If you watched a poor animal lay there and cry as someone or something dragged it’s offspring away, without any physical threat, you would say the poor thing was sick, you would wonder what was wrong with it. Most of you can;t admit that at the time you were planning on relinquishing your child, you were sick, something was wrong with you. You were like a weakened animal in nature, you weren’t strong enough to combat your environment, and so you lay there.Regardless of what your surrounding were, you, yourselves made plans for these babies to be taken away. How could you decide to relinquish them before they were even born? This act seems so “unnatural”, and somehow you are suppose to be a natural mother to these babies? Most potentially adoptive parents realize that when a women wants to relinquish her offspring, she’ll do it. Doesn’t matter how big or small the pool of waiting adoptive parents there are…once that women decides she can’t do it, she won’t, or maybe she can’t, but nonetheless, the hild will go to someone else, so agencies, potential parents are just being realistic about the sad fact that many women do this in nature. Look at these third world countries, in my travels I have seen such such poverty, and do you think this poverty stops women from abandoning their offspring? Do you thing they say, oh, but my child won’t survive if I abandon it in the streets! No, many of them don’t think about the after affects of the abandonment. Consider yourselves lucky that during your “sickness” for lack of a better word that you lived in the western world and could even “shop around” for perfect parents. How nice it would be for some of these poor third world mothers to get to “pick” parents for their children. And yea, I am putting you in the exact same category as these women. “Women who abandon or give away their children are going to do it REGARDLESS. They will always blame the harsh the surroundings for it, but the truth is, at the time, it was motherhood itself that they could not handle, and motherhood in and of itself is emotionally and draining anywhere you go.
The truth is, everything in this world is “natural” but it doesn’t mean “natural” is right or good. You were sick, and weak, and people sensed that weakness, and like vultures they may have swarmed around you, but that is “natural” in nature, right? So now you want to say, “oh, but we are not animals” we are humans who make choices. You natural mothers! You are always taking claim to “nature” only when it’s convenient. You claim rights to your child because you birthed it the way all animals birth their young, but oh, you are so quick to shun the cruelty of nature when you realize your own weakness is what allowed nature to take it away. You are so quick to shun nature, when nature takes its course, but you prize it when you have nothing left but past mistakes.
So here is my summary. “The strong shall carry the weak.” As long as there will be women like you, unwilling to make the commitment to motherhood, women who are willing to sign away their child like they are property to be signed over, then there will be women like me, to equally sign those papers, so that I can be the one to raise that child in a world where she needs a mother. I hope her real mother would be proud that I am the women raising her offspring. I am so proud of her genetic beauty, and I care so very little that we are not genetically related, because i love her for exactly who she is, and who she is entails the dna of other people, and somehow it makes me feel like i love them too. I will protect this women’s offspring, my husband and I will raise this child with all the gentleness and strength we have. She is my only child, and I hope to be this child’s mother, the way this other women could not. I can only hope that she is a bigger women than most of you, and that this is what she would want. I know some of you are in- journey, you are healing and part of that healing is being in denial for the part you played in your offspring’s future, but you will eventually move on to quiet and humble acceptance that there was simply a time in your life where you simply did not rise to the occasion (god knows we all have been that person at some point in our lives), and yes, there were people around you who did not support or help you, but ultimately you decided on that child’s course. But sadly, I know others of you will stay angry, will blame everyone except yourselves, you will claim motherhood to children who are not yours to claim, and you will hope, maybe even pray, that your offsprings relationships with their parents go wrong, and that somehow these children will be raised with emptiness, and that hey will be hurting inside and “missing something” in their lives so that they will need your mothering at thirty to forty years off age. But thank goodness that most of the time, these kids come back as adults once or twice to meet you, they are curious, they want to look at you, you want to gawk at them, but they know who their parents are. And in the end, so do you.
p.s. Does it matter that I myself was relinquished? People care so much about where other people are coming from, I can’t help but mention that I “I’m not only an adoptee who is very attached to her parents, but I’m also a client!” (that’s my bad sense of humor coming out). I’ve found my real mother when I was 23, she’s very sweet, I like her, though we have nothing much in common. I feel so bad because she seemed to have felt so guilty, she talked a lot about her past mistakes and that just made me feel sad for her. I have absolutely no grudge against her whatsoever, and I am very happy she gave birth to me! I certainly won’t be the one taking care of her in her old age;) but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel gratitude!
aislin13 said,
August 17, 2010 at 8:49 am
You just try to take a wolve’s pup from her right after birth, and she will rip your hand from its wrist.
Just FYI its wolf’s not wolve’s. Just like with humans its impossible for a wolf pup to have more than one real mother.
Its a much different situation when the trusts you. I would also like to see what the wolf would do when you shoot it full of about 3 times the allowed dosage of vicodine and phenergan. I bet that would be interesting. Face facts. You have no damn clue what you are talking about.
Oh and if you are just looking to kick someone while they are down this is really not the blog for you. I’m sure some good bmommy has a blog for you to accomplish that goal. If you post here acting like a bitch you will be treated like one. You are the typical asshole adopter, like it or not.
Myst said,
August 17, 2010 at 9:47 am
Good point Ailsin… that reminds me, I saw shows about humans taking the babies of animals… where mankind interefered with Nature (oh yeah, sounds JUST like adoption lol) and this is whatt hey do. They tranquilise the poor animal first, put it in a cage and go back for the cubs. LOVE it when stupid people show themselves for what they really are.
Poor kid who was adopted by this nutter. You would think being adopted herself she would have had some empathy BUT shows how adoption affected her in the end. Me, me, me, me. Have to have what I want because that was what was modelled in her own family. Can’t have a baby? Just dow hat we did with you honey and go buy yourself one. You deserve it, you are entitled to it. Yeah, adoption showing itself for the sick institution it really is. Entitlement and greed. Yep, just typical adopter stuff here.
Myst said,
August 17, 2010 at 10:13 am
Honey, you really are mistaken. We are nothing of what you claim us to be, but if it makes you feel better, keep living in your little bubble.
I feel very sad for you, very sorry for you that you have to keep playing the “gratitude” card and that you are drowning in so much kool aid. I am very sorry you were adopted, even if you are not. But I am. Because I know that the baby you suffered as a result sooooo much that you have hidden that baby self away. Too hurt too look at her and accept the pain that is there. And so instead you feel grateful. Grateful for being adopted. Again, I am sorry. It was wrong and I can see under all this facade how angry you really are. When you are ready to face that anger, I know of a great place where you can vent and be yourself. Not the adoptee who has to be eternally grateful to everyone and everything but the you that has been trying to come out since she was placed.
aislin13 said,
August 17, 2010 at 7:20 am
No nothing you say really makes any difference to me. I still think you are a piece of shit an should be put down like the rabid baby hungry dog you are. I think you are beyond sick and I feel both sad and scared for any child in your care. You think its ok to buy humans and do whatever you want because you have money.
You want to know the big differnence between taking a puppy from a dog an taking a human baby from its mother? Its that you are not an animal and you should know better. You not only destroyed a mother you hurt a baby. Way to go. You must be proud. I am so sick af assholes like you thinking you have some new inovative view on the whole thing. Do you really think I haven’t heard this line of shit before? Do you think you are the only self centered sociopath with a bad case of baby rabies to come on my blog and try to tell me how things really are? You aren’t unique. You are a dime a fucking dozen. Nothing you have said is original or even thought provoking. All it proves is you are an asshole with no business being near impressionable children let alone raising one. So you admit you bought a child and called us dumb. Booo hooo. What ever shall I do. I am pretty positive the women on here have amuch higher IQ and more education than you.Do you feel better now that you told us uppity burfmuggles where our place is?
The saddest part is I bet you think you are doing something by coming here and being a cunt. We aren’t going to suddenly stop telling the truth and fighting for our rights and the rights of all mothers that come after us because you are a meanie poo poo pants out to hurt our little feelings. Many adopters before you have tried. Hell many have done way better with their attempt than you.
Thanks for making me giggle though. You have at least been entertaining.
Myst said,
August 17, 2010 at 9:42 am
You are one sick, twisted woman. You admit you BOUGHT your child?? You are GROSS.
And for YOUR information, many women do NOT get given the choice like you presume. Yes, you are right that a wolf, bear or lion would tear from limb to limb anyone who would come near her cubs… but you are talking about an animal here where there are no consequences, no jail time, no law and order system like the humans have. So your comparison means nothing.
Oh you go on about natural this and natural that BUT nothing you can say will ever make adoption natural. Adoption was created by MAN, not Nature herself. So take your weak theories elsewhere. You have NO CLUE what it is like to lose a child and in the circumstances many of us lost out children too. I don’t have to justify myself to you or my story because, unlike you, I was there. Unlike you, I KNOW my child was stolen. Unlike you, who has no clue of what you waffle on about, I know what happened. Don’t like the fact that many women had their kids taken?? Tough. It happened and that is a fact. Deal with it. It is what adoption does every day all around the world. Because, at the end of the day, it is a system based on filling the demands of sick people like you by selling children it has no right too. Take your whingy nasty adoptress self off to somewhere who care what you have to spew.
Myst said,
August 17, 2010 at 9:48 am
This was aimed at DJ by the way lol!!
Jennifer said,
August 17, 2010 at 5:06 pm
To Dj:
1. What’s the difference between owning a child, and owning the rights to raise a child. Not much, either way, it marks a child as an object, as property of which a person has control over.
DJ, you have been allowed control over another woman’s daughter, for now, because she’s a minor. When she becomes a legal adult, the allowance you had to control her surroundings, the details of her life growing up, will cease. She’ll be free to live her life, her way. And if you truly loved her, you wouldn’t impose on her how you think she should feel about her real mother, and you wouldn’t emotional or otherwise, blackmail her into what type, if any, relationship she were to have with her real mother.
2. Even if a mother does freely make the choice to surrender her child, it doesn’t nullify the truth, that her child is hers, that she is her child’s mother. It also doesn’t mean she isn’t allowed to change her mind. We’ve all made decisions we planned to follow through with, that we felt sure about, only to end up changing our minds. That’s called being human, and exercising freedom of choice. Even if a mother handed her child over, signed her rights away, her child is still hers, and any decent human being with a working conscience, and with compassion, would never hold her to some signature on paper, if she changed her mind and wanted her son/daughter returned to her, a decent human being would return her child to her.
3. You talk about fighting like a wild animal to hold onto a child that you didn’t carry, that wasn’t birthed from you, that doesn’t have half your unique chromosomes, yet if her real mother wanted her back, you’d deny she had any right to fight for her, and you’d fight to the death before you let her have her daughter back. If you can’t see how warped that is, your mind is warped.
And the whole humans vs. animals is baseless, because in the wild, animals aren’t policed, animals aren’t ruled over by a corrupt government. Animals don’t have to worry about nurses, doctors, social workers, lawyers, and all the other people who work against a mother keeping her child.
You are clearly uneducated, and it’s by choice, and even if you educated yourself but chose to still not believe what you learned, it still wouldn’t make what you learned, any less true. Mothers have been drugged! Mothers have been threatened! Mothers have been physically restrained! Mothers have been physically assaulted/beaten! Mothers have wanted their children, they have protested against those who wanted them, and reached out for their children, and took hold of them, to not return them! Mothers have fought for their children, but those with power and those with money, work to ensure that mothers lose!
Not that you will listen, believe, or care, but I am a mother that never even thought of putting my child up for adoption. I was married, and wanted my child then, and I still want my child. My husband was abusing me, and when I told on him, he and his wealthy family used the government to have my child taken away from me, and despite several professional employees of professional organizations aware of the injustice, and defending me, and despite me fighting for my child, because there is money in taking and keeping children and adopting them out, after 18 months of fighting for my child, my rights were unjustly terminated. I hadn’t abused my child, I hadn’t neglected my child. I had a clean, safe home. I provided necessities and more. I was complimented on how well I took care of my child during visits. I wasn’t mentally ill, nor deemed as such. I never smoke, never drank, never did drugs. Wasn’t a criminal, never had any trouble with the law. I was an honor student in my youth. I was well liked in school, and I am liked and loved by those who know the real me. I did everything asked of me, and more. Admittedly, I made mistakes, that’s to be expected though, being a new mother, and being an abuse victim, and being traumatized, both from abuse, and pregnancy complications, as well as a previous loss of child, due to a medical defect, in addition to being in a foreign country, isolated from family and friends. Anyone in my position would have struggled, and buckled. But I never hurt my child, and I wouldn’t have! I love my child, and I showed my love, I still do, and my child loved me, it was evident when my child would cry when I left the room, despite other people being in the room with my child!
So please don’t you sum up all us real mothers without our children, and lump us all together into one big box of supposed abandoners!
Who are you to presume to know what any mother thinks or feels, before or after she lets go of, or has her child taken from her! IF, you were to ever lose the daughter of another woman you have, then and only then, could you speak about the thoughts and feelings connected to such loss, or reveal the honest reasons as to why, and then and only then, could you affirm as truth, the thoughts and feelings, and reasons, that belong to you, not those of every real mother!
And for any of the mothers who didn’t fight for their children, whatever the reasons, that doesn’t mean they didn’t want their children, and it doesn’t mean that they don’t deserve them, or at the very least, to know them! Nor does it mean they were/are, weak. They ARE the mothers, biology determined that many months before any adopter received a real mother’s son(s)/daughter(s)! And biology is a physical truth that exists in mother and child for life, it can’t ever be undone. An adopter is only stamped as a parent, on paper. Paper that can very easily be burned into meritless ashes, which is what any adoption paper or amended birth certificate is, meritless.
You want to talk about raising a child. You say how the daughter of another woman whom you have, cries for you, calls out “mama”. That’s explainable. Memory is an ever expanding part of development, of aging. The older a human being is, the more they remember, but not only that, the more conscious memory they have. Most of what babies and toddlers remember, isn’t conscious memory, it’s simply memorized interactions. Remember how you learned things in school. The teacher went over the subject they were teaching, once, maybe a few times. Since you would end up being tested on it later, before hand, you went over it again, repetitiously, til for the time being, you memorized it. For awhile, it was there, in your memory, because it was still fresh learning. But every span of time after you stopped studying the material, the less you remembered it. Babies and toddlers interacting with any of the same people, regularly, and going through the same routines, have them memorized, and because children are vulnerable, unable to care for themselves, they rely on adults for safety, security, for their needs, for food, clothing, nurturing, so it’s only a given that they become attached to whomever is providing! So if the daughter you’re raising is attached to you, that’s why, not because she knows you’re her mother! She is only being led to believe you’re *a* mother to her, because you teach her that, and because she has a natural sense of gratitude to you, because you’re providing for her! Ever learn about Stockholm Syndrome, cause it’s the same principle! If you haven’t heard of Stockholm Syndrome, go educate yourself about it!
4. And again, back to trying to equate humans and animals. We humans are in a completely different class, miss. Animals don’t have the mental functioning we humans do. They don’t have the systems we humans follow, and there is no group of animals in *nature* to enforce any system. And not that it should be stated, but in the wild of nature, the only reasons any animal is taken away from a living mother, is either because the infant animal is either sick; wounded, dying, or it is killed for food. Animals who can’t reproduce don’t go around preying on those that can, and thus they don’t badger an animal mother to give up her offspring, they don’t convince her it’s the best thing to do, because she can’t ensure her offspring will always have every need met, forever, as if any human could even do that, and animals don’t go threatening or causing actual harm to a female animal so that she’ll give up her offspring, for them to raise. They also don’t rip the baby away to raise, ignoring the mother’s cry, then scurry away unaffected. Animals have better instinct, and recognize the suffering in other creatures, and it actually bothers those not preying on them for survival! A woman doesn’t need a child to raise to survive! Raising a child is a great joy permitted, and appreciated, but it is not a necessity of life! A woman wont starve to death, she wont die, if she doesn’t raise a child! So please, stop making yourself look bad with your foolish and baseless comparison, equating humans and animals, as though both are the same, because humans and animals aren’t, or as if life works the same for both, because it doesn’t!
5. If the strong carried the weak, then there wouldn’t be mothers who want their children, either feeling like they had to surrender them, or having them taken away, because all the *strong* people who could, would, *carry* those less fortunate, those who are *weak*, to ensure that mothers and their children, stay together!
Except of course in cases in which it’s proven fact that a child is in mortal danger from their mother, otherwise, to not help mothers and their children stay together, but instead, to work to separate them, is not only sick, and cruel, it’s also evil! It’s inhuman! It’s even worse than acting like an animal, because the reason for separation has nothing to do with survival! It has nothing to do with eliminating weak, sick, wounded, dying, “offspring”, as in the animal kingdom, nor is it about food, because people don’t eat babies! No, people take children away from the mothers who want them, either for money, or to fill a void that those people feel would forever ache and make them feel so incomplete and inconsolable without filling it with SOMEONE ELSE’S CHILD! If a person can’t learn to deal with infertility, or if they can’t realize that they’re not a hero, they’re not a savior, they weren’t put on this earth to rescue children from those they feel aren’t sufficient parents, then such people are demonstrating a huge mental defect, and it is such people whom all children should be kept away from!
Furthermore, here’s some more information you apparently haven’t learned. Pregnancy has serious physiological effects on a woman’s body and her mind. A mother, both pre and post birth, isn’t functioning normally, through no fault of her own. Being pregnant doesn’t make a woman mentally unstable/ill. It doesn’t make her weak. Her judgment might be impaired, but regardless, if she wants her child, she deserves her child. A good mother wants her child to have as much necessities, and as much good health care, and as much of a good safe environment to grow up in, with as much love as possible. It’s normal for a mother to doubt her abilities as a mother, and have concerns about the provisions for her child’s needs, as well as their wants, and any circumstances, or people that are negative, would only enhance any doubt and concerns, but just because things aren’t perfect according to the standards of the upper class, or other judgmental people who like to think they’re better and look down at those they view as beneath them, it doesn’t mean that a mother doesn’t deserve to raise her child.
You ask any happy adult, what they remember fondly, the most, what they hold dear, most, and they will tell you it was all the emotional and mental positives, not the material! What they will be grateful for the most, wont be the designer nursery, no matter how beautiful it was, it wont be all the brand name clothes they looked so cute in, it wont be all the awesome toys they got to play with. It wont even be all the good, home cooked meals that were cooked for them every day!
And adopters are no more superior as human beings, than the rest of us. Adopters have the same prone-ness to making mistakes, to dealing with sickness/health issues, to losing a job, to poverty, to break ups of relationships, to losing friends, family, and everything else all us human beings are prone to. So it’s just plain wrong to assume that anyone in a good place when a baby is born, deserves that baby more, than someone in a bad place now, who could just as easily end up in a good place, as the adopters a bad place, later in life.
Lastly miss, you clearly have unresolved trauma stemming from your separation from your real mom. Just because you don’t realize it with your aged, conscious memory, doesn’t mean it’s not still in your memory, in your subconscious, which based on your crude, rude, uneducated writing, it’s evident that the baby traumatized when she lost her mother, when you lost your real mom, is there inside of you, and she’s still crying tears of sorrow. I feel bad for you, truly. You say you feel gratitude she gave birth to you. I don’t believe that. I think because part of you traumatized by her surrender of you, hasn’t truly forgiven her, and because she doesn’t measure up to either your idea of what a mother for you should be, or she doesn’t measure up to the woman who raised you that you became attached to by default, it’s not gratitude to her for giving birth to you, that you feel, I’m more inclined to believe it’s gratitude that you weren’t raised by her. I think you pity her, in a disdainful way, and I think that’s really sad.
She isn’t just some woman that gave birth to you, with no ties, as though she was just some inanimate vessel, like an incubator, that incubated you and that you hatched from. She is the woman whose D.N.A., you share, as well as her parents, and their parents, and all your other ancestors. You are as much a part of her, as she is of you, you can’t deny that, you can’t change that. You aren’t just alive because of her, you are who you are because of her and your biologic ancestors. Whether you like it or not, the way you think, feel, walk and talk, are tied to genetics, just as much, and in some aspects, more so, than the people and environment you grew up in.
I hope some day, you will realize that it wasn’t just your real mother who missed out all the years until the present, it is you who missed out and will continue to miss out, as long as you deny not just who she is, but who you are, because of her. Without her, you wouldn’t just not be alive, you wouldn’t be all that you are. By not respecting such truth, you’re not even respecting yourself. And that’s a choice, you are making, freely, without any outside interference or pressures. How does that feel?
emilyxavianathan said,
August 18, 2010 at 2:29 am
Thank you! Exactly!
Rainbow said,
August 17, 2010 at 7:42 pm
DJ:
You are one stupid human. You are a slave to money and to whatever the system conditions you to believe so you can sleep at night.
Us women didn’t relinquish our children without a fight. Unfortunately, because we are humans and have laws, we decided against killing these lawyers and agencies as they drugged us, tied us down, and humiliated us. Unfortunately, laws only work down, so they are permitted to use psychological warfare and drugs to paralyze us, but we are not permitted to defend ourselves. They don’t have wolves of people willing to pay other slaves (lawyers) hundreds of thousands of dollars for someone else’s baby, driving them to do whatever corrupt and destructive thing possible to snatch a baby from their mother’s arms. These people who purchase a child like yourself, are sociopaths, unable to find compassion for their victims, and only set out to fulfill some delusional role and fantasy. Schizophrenic sociopaths. I feel so sorry for the child you bought. May they have protection of the higher power, for they will need it with your twisted mind.