For Shannan with love

January 8, 2010 at 9:29 pm (adoption) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

I met a woman the other night through  a huge blow up over on Mary’s blog ( I won’t link it but you can find it if you so desire) This woman made a hurtful comment that had us all up in arms. Quickly she saw what it was that had us upset. She made a very heartfelt and sincere apology. It probably seemed normal to her to apologize. Nothing special just something you do. Well, I was floored. It is so rare that anyone even cares that they have hurt the feelings of us mothers. Usually we just get a “sorry you are hurt, I hope you find peace I will pray for you”. Yet here she was saying she was very sorry she had said that and she did not think before typing. (yeah how many times have I done that) It really touched me that she came back to try to make amends. She has shown a desire to learn about our side of adoption. IMO learning is never a bad thing. 

I wanted to repost something I wrote all the way back on 2007. I think it is vital that people understand how I feel on this subject. I so often accused of hating anyone that adopts. So with much respect, this is for you Shannan.

I haven’t posted much lately because, quite frankly. the online adoption community has been making me sick. Its probably my fault. I know these people are out there. I should prepare myself better. I should be stronger but I’m just not. I read certain things and they are like a knife in my heart. It gets to be too much so I just stay away. I mean really, how many times can I be expected to read the same line of crap about how horrible, selfish and unfit first moms are?

So I figured something out while I was away. There are two distinct groups of people that adopt. There are adopters and adoptive parents. These two groups are like night and day. one group I find myself respecting and the other I loath.

I most commonly come in contact with adopters. (sucks for me) Adopters piss me off more than anything in this world. (well maybe not adoption professionals) They say things like “you were put in the wrong tummy”. Lovely things like “Our daughter’s birth parents had no business raising our daughter”.  They refer to first mothers as incubators. Since I am not adopted I won’t go into what this does to the poor children they have adopted. I am sure I can’t do it justice. I will let that part wait for someone else to write. Needless to say I hate hate hate adopters!

When I first started reaching out online I thought everyone that adopted was an adopter. I saw them all as my enemy. I hated them all. Then something strange happened. People that I thought were my enemy started reaching out to me. I was confused. How could they say that what happened to me was so wrong when they had an adopted child? I couldn’t wrap my brain around it. I know now it was just my pain speaking. Thanks to the wonderful people that commented here and spoke to me on forums I know know adoptive parents exist.

Adoptive parents are the complete opposite of adopters. They believe in ethical adoption practices. They respect their child’s first family. They are kind and have big hearts. A perfect example of this can be found here

Found out the link was to old so here is a new one. I love this post but I really suggest you all look around. The whole blog touches my heart

.I suggest you go read it. People like this do my heart good. They give me some hope. They are Adoptive Parents.

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