March 5, 2010 at 9:16 pm (adoption, adoption reform) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

I have come to a conclusion. The adoption industry is going to win. I am very sad saying that. It hurts to even type it. The words make me angry and scared on a deep level but I think if things continue the way they are it is true.

You know why they will win? Because we are all to busy separating ourselves and fighting. The industry loves to watch it. It means they have accomplished their goal. BSE moms fight with the Open Era moms. Adoptees fight with moms. Moms in one country fight with moms in another country. Adoptees that are anti adoption fight with adoptees that aren’t. We separate urselves into these small groups instead of just being moms or just being adoptees. Instead fo supporting each other and fighting a great evil in this world we turn our backs on each other due to location or age.

Really people, keep it up. You might as well be working at an adoption agency. When you are done with this why don’t you make up a list of vulnerable pregnant women that are easy prey and hand deliver it. You might as well. You are helping the agencies anyway. Every minute we spend drawing imaginary lines in the sand is minute we could have prevented a needless separation of mother and child, supported a father fighting for his child, changed a law, or helped a desperate mother or adoptee realize they are not alone. You guys just keep it up.

I am going to try something different. I will support any adoptee, mom or pregnant woman tat comes my way. I will help them in any way possible. I don’t care if they were born in the 40’s or yesterday. I don’t care if they are anti adoption or not.(as long as they aren’t trying to make me change my mind on my views on the subject) I don’t care if they live next door to me or in Antarctica. I will help them any way I can. I will fight the industry without sacrificing the actual people I meet along the way. I will not reinjure injured people to get something accomplished. I will not become what I hate



  1. Myst1998 said,

    Um… have I missed something lately?

    Sadly this has been going on for ages… I didn’t even realise how much until late last year/early this year.

    All this does is reinforce the destruction adoption havocs in people’s lives. When I see this occur anywhere it reinforces my view of adoption… how could it not?

    I am sorry if I have missed something… email me if you like.

    Myst xxx

  2. rox said,

    I agree you except one thing: I think it could change.

  3. Clare said,

    hi Aslin
    You’ve said “I will support any adoptee, mom or pregnant woman that comes my way.” That’s wonderful but you might be surprised to hear about the newest families being targeted for adoption– the bereaved– assuming of course they have a healthy newborn. Here’s a post from a blog I think you should see. Worse, I think than the contempt for the young man who lost his wife, is the reaction from her followers in the “comments” section- the first seven anyway. After that there were multiple posts from people horrified at the exploitation of this father and child. Unfortunately those have all been deleted but I hope you will take the time to read this post . It may give you some hope that they are not winning- not it their industry is based on this kind of logic. You’ll be sick to see what they are celebrating but its the kind of thing we all need to know about, especially since its coming from people who claim a direct mandate from God. Here’s the link It’s titled “Where to begin…” So glad to see you blogging again! Clare

    • Jenn said,

      Sorry to detract from what you said Ais, hope you don’t mind me saying this.

      I read the blog post at ‘consideritalljoy’, and I read that she says she’s saving money for fertility treatments or adoption. She says she’s a Christian. If that’s the case, as a Christian myself, why isn’t she believing in God and His power more, to create in her, her own child, that’s what bothers me. If she knows God as a Christian, she’d know that all things are possible with Him and that He can create her own child for her in her own womb. He gave Sarah (of the bible) a child when she was well past what was considered the child bearing years. Sarah was 91 years old.

      I understand wanting a child desperately, I’ve been there. I just have learned that a child isn’t “THE” source of fulfillment, of happiness. Children make our lives fuller, and bring us happiness, but our life and whether it feels complete or full of happiness should not be dependent on having a child. And personally, I would rather spend the money meant for fertility treatments or adoption, on helping orphans, or poor families, survive, and stay in tact. Doing so all brings happiness, and I’d rather have a happiness that comes from knowing I helped a child stay in their homeland, their house, their familiar surroundings, with the people they have become familiar with and close too, their true origins and any surviving family, than from taking a child away from all of that, and playing house with them like I’m 7 again and they’re my dolly with the name I choose, wearing the clothes I choose, and where basically everything about their life is dictated by me, all done *my way* so that *I* can ensure that *I* have the fulfillment, the happiness, that *I* feel *I* so desperately need, and that without, I will feel incomplete, and lacking in happiness. As though life just isn’t a good as it could be, unless I’m raising a child called mine, with me, in my home.

      I’ve spent half my life longing for a child to call my own and raise with me, and felt full of sadness at not having a child of my own to raise, I just had no idea how that sadness pales in comparison to the sorrow of having to live without a child of my own, that is in this world because of me, that I love and want desperately.
      A child whom was snatched away from me about a week after he was born. It’s been 3 years now since he was unjustly stolen from me and denied as my flesh and blood child, and alienated from me, and while I’m alive, I’m surviving, I live with the sense of incompleteness, of happiness lacking, and a profound sorrow, due to actually being deprived of a child that already exists, and truly is mine, and was meant to be mine, from the moment of conception. Not having a child of one’s own, the longing for a child, to be a parent, just doesn’t compare to actually having a child that is yours in this world but you’re denied having them in your life, you’re denied them even being acknowledged as yours.
      As far as I’m concerned, the people without having had their own children, crying for a child, seeking adoption, or fertility treatments, which costs thousands upon thousands of dollars, should stop looking just at their-selves and all the babies of others that they wish they could have for themselves, and look at all the mothers, fathers and other family members, robbed of their children, who ache for them, for a child that already exists and carries their D.N.A., all so that people who can’t have biological children, can have that happiness, that sense of completeness, all at the expense of those of us who have had our own children, children made from us.

      We’re treated like machines, like ovens, like incubators. We’re human beings, made inhuman. Our thoughts, our feelings are made void, invalid. Our screams, our cries for our children, are stifled, ignored, used to call us mentally unstable. Take our children back from the ones who deny them us, after they’ve become attached to them, and then let’s see who’s screaming and crying.

      It’s appalling that a woman passes away three weeks after HER baby is born, and a woman calling herself a Christian doesn’t focus on this woman’s passing, the loss of a wife, a mother, a sister, a daughter, etc, instead, she focuses on her desire to have this other woman’s baby, or for someone else to have this baby. Someone other than the FATHER! Shame shame shame!
      Don’t speak of God and Him moving, Him working things out! As though due to the passing of ONE of the parents, a child has to be removed and placed with another man and woman to raise, and as though God will ensure it happens!
      Firstly, God doesn’t say a child must be raised by both the mother and father, so thinking that a child could only be raised in a home with both a man and a woman, acting as a mother and father, is narrow minded opinion of man, not divine ordinance!
      Secondly, and more importantly, God doesn’t work alone! A Christian is a servant, and they are to work with God. Instead of thinking of how God would work this out so that people other than the FATHER raises HIS child, a true servant of God would be thinking of all the ways to help this FATHER, both cope with the loss of his wife, AND raise HIS child, HIMSELF, and whatever it is they could do, to help in both aspects, they would do, selflessly! Such things as helping with cooking, cleaning, feeding, diaper changing, etc.
      A true servant of God, a true Christian, WOULDN’T be thinking of how after he loses his wife, he should also be deprived of his flesh and blood child, because for some twisted reason, certain people think a child can’t be raised by only one parent, and hey, they’ve already lost their mother, so let’s remove their father from their life too. If a person can’t see the insanity in that, the cruelty to that child, then they are either out of their minds themselves, or seriously lacking when it comes to being able to empathize, and truly love.

  4. aislin13 said,

    I saw that post Clare. It made me sick. However, you are right I forgot someone in my post. I support fathers and their right to parent 100%. I’m glad to be back writing even if I don’t have as much time as I did before. I am working behind the scenes on something I think will be huge. wink wink shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

  5. Jenn said,

    I agree with you all the way. It’s truly sad seeing the discord, seeing people oppose each other, when they all have the same thing in common. United we stand, divided we fall. I wish more people would grasp that and stop helping the enemy.

    I’m glad you do what you do for others and for this cause. It’s a good thing to stand up for and fight against. I wish I could do more. Whatever you’re working on behind the scenes, I hope I get to see it soon. πŸ™‚ *hugs and love* xo

  6. Weaver said,

    I think it could change, It did in Australia after all. I think we need more people who do feminist/social justice work to understand that adoption is about trampling the rights of mothers and children. It actualy makes me really angry that women who consider themselves feminists are often really supportive of adoption

    I really love your last paragraph. Do you mind if I link to this post?

  7. aislin13 said,

    I do think things can change just not with all of us fighting and dividing ourselves into little groups. I totally agree with you about feminists that support adoption. Adoption is a woman on woman crime most of the time which is so sad.

    You can link my post if you would like. I would actually be honored

  8. Myst1998 said,

    LOL, you would be surprised at all the infighting between groups in Australia as well. And Aust is not as great as everyone thinks it is.

    In Aust we have our own demons to fight… but we are slowly getting there.

    I think things will change when people get their heads together and stop telling each other how to feel and how to act. Currently there is too much of that everywhere… with all parties.

    • Weaver said,

      Ah Myst that was really dumb and insensitive of me, I forgot you were in australia sorry.

      Do you think australia is more forward than other developed countries though? It seems to be from the outside.

      And yes I agree we, adoptees and first parents, need to stand together

    • eagoodlife said,

      But hey we have our rights at least!And we have a system of open records that seems to work and has done for decades.
      In America there are probably 6 million adoptees and counting, one day they will be a force to reckon with, it’s just a matter of time.
      We all get down about the corruption, the adoption industry across the world and it’s seeming stranglehold..demand creates supply in a consumer society.If the consumers say no more it can get better and surely there must be some adopters who believe the industry is immoral, profiteering and a trafficking racket? It’s big but when more of us speak out and the tide becomes a flood they won’t be able to ignore us any longer.I’m in it for the long haul, how about you?

  9. Myst1998 said,

    Hey Weaver πŸ™‚ No need to say sorry… from outside looking in I am sure we do look alot better in comparison to many countries in the West. I just mean in reagrds to the adoption groups around the place there is fighting and one group trying to make another look bad etc. Its sad because if they all just stopped for a moment and focussed on he bigger picture, they would see they all want pretty much the same thing.

    Aust is doing better than the US thats for sure. The UK I am not sure of what happens there but I have heard some fairly disturbing stories come out of there of late. Adoption isn’t seen the same way here thankfully although there are some people who would love it to return to the old days but hopefully it won’t!

    Anyway, you were not being insensitive… I just wanted to comment that we are not all wonderful as I have read a few blogs lately about the so called apology and got the feeling everyone thinks Aust is tremendous and while it is in a lot of ways, we still have some work to do πŸ™‚


    PS Have to say though Aust is waaaaay better than NZ in the way it does adoption and NZ is where I lost my daughter.

    • Weaver said,

      The UK is not so good, we don’t have the culture of newborn/infant adoption that the US has but I am seeing more and more cases of pregnant women with mental health issues or learning disabilities being threatened with removal of their children even though they have systems of support (family, friends, partner) to help them parent. The positive thing though is that there’s kind of an underground railroad that takes them out the country so the social services can’t get at the child when it is born.

  10. Solidarity « Communities don't get built… said,

    […] the rest at Aborted Mother […]

  11. todaysnews said,

    aislin: Hmm… whats the wink wink about? Inquiring minds want to know! πŸ™‚

    They will not win. We will continue to fight. We will make bridges after the earthquake shifts and divides the land and the people. We will not stop until we win.

    love you!!

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