Adoption is the New Pregnant Revisited

June 23, 2010 at 11:44 am (adoption)

This was my original post way back in 2008

I really should not stay up late on the internet. Sometimes I run across things like this http://www.dimplesanddandelions.com/product_details.asp?Product_ID=9351 Ok so a friend actually showed it to me. My first thought when the picture popped up…. you have got to be f@*@ing kidding me!

Ummmm sorry but no. Adoption is not the new pregnant. For there to be an adoption someone has to be pregnant you insensitive shit! Babies don’t just magically appear in social workers arms. There aren’t little girls dreaming if growing up to have their kids aopted by assholes wearing these shirts. There is a very real woman involved. A woman that has carried a child and kept that child safe. A woman who risked her life bring that child into this world. A woman who’s heart is going to break if she loses her child to adoption. A woman who’s life will be forever changed and will feel the pain of seperation until she dies. But who gives a fuck about her right? Adoption is the new pregnant!

And while I am offending people I have to say …… YOU ARE NOT PAPER PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am sorry if you can not have a child. I truly am but pretending will not change it. Adoption and pregnancy are not the same. Not amount of dumbass phrases will make them the same. Adoption and birth are very different. People need to stop pretending they aren’t. Signing a paper to adopt makes you no more pregnant than my big toe. I’m sorry but that is reality. No woman has ever died from complications during paper signing. Downplaying the vital and dangerous realities of pregnancy are demeaning to all mothers. Adoptive mothers might be researching and learning things but it is very very different. Why not just embrace those differences instead of pretending its the same?

So let the hate mail begin. I am sick of of the dellusional crap. Face reality people.

 UPDATE

Dimples and Dandelions has taken the shirt off of their website. Yippie and thank you to all who wrote them about their offensive product!!!

Sadly the shirt can still be found here

http://www.blessencematernity.com/adoption_tee.htm
 http://celebritybabies.typepad.com/reviews/2007/10/update-blessenc.html

Sooooooooooo write to them everyone. We can do this. Things like this do not belong in a civilized compassionate society. Let’s pretend we have a society like that and get rid of this dumbass shirt. Then we can do one more and one more until they are all gone

I was amazed at the time how many comments I got on this post. What floors me is I am still getting comments on it two years later. Sadly the recent comments are from people telling me how much they deserve this shirt because they worked so hard to adopt. So I am compelled to try to break it down one more time.

I’m not trying to be harsh but when you are in the process of adopting you are not pregnant. Its a fact. You just aren’t. Pregnancy carried risks and some very serious health issues. Signing papers does not. A woman somewhere faced those risks in order for you to adopt. Diminishing that fact is disrespectful and cruel. I’m sure you are excited. Why not wear a shirt that says something truthful and respectful? Would you like to see me wearing a Genetics is the New Adoption shirt? How about Conception is the New Paperwork? Not very nice is it? How about if I put my daughter in a 100% Natural and Homegrown shirt? (yes they exist)

If adoption is just as good then why is there a push to make it exactly the same? It isn’t. It never will be the same. I’m sorry if that is hard for some people to deal with but its true. Different doesn’t mean less than it just means different. If you are happy about adopting stop pretending to be some strange kind of pregnant. Its insulting and offensive. Show some empathy and compassion and don’t wear shirts that would trigger an already suffering first mother.

Advertisements

4 Comments

  1. HeatherRainbow said,

    I think it just caters to them to believe so much that adoption replaces pregnancy, which is sad and hurtful both to the first mom and the child. This child’s life happens at conception, not birth, and there is a history there, as well as the history of the first family that cannot be erased with any t-shirt. I agree, Aislin, Truth and Honesty over sick fad.

  2. Myst said,

    Well said Aislin. It is incredibly dismissive to presume the experience of another woman and to me, it shows the adopting woman is not going to be there for the child they adopt because from the outset, the whole situation is about her and her alone. If she is so hung up on being pregnant and havng that experience, then she shouldn’t be adopting because to adopt is to accept the fact a child is coming from another family and in reality, is not really “theirs” no matter what a piece of paper says.

    This whole issue is ridiculous and shows how selfish people have become that they are so wrapped up in what they want, they cannot see the bigger picture. Anyone who thinks along these lines should be banned from adopting as they have have no concept of what it really is.

  3. Tamra said,

    Eff the STUPID Phrase “adoption is the new pregnant” and the stupidity and insensitive crap horse it rode in on.

    My good god when will it ever end…

  4. Kitty said,

    In the many years it took me to have my kids, I met quite a number of women who could not get pregnant and who went on to adopt. While I don’t want to diminish how hard it can be to wait and hope for a child..I’ve heard these expressions so many times and honestly find them offensive. Are they going through something? Sure. Are they pregnant? NO!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: