Blah Blah Blah
I just love it when some adoptive mom gets all riled up and decides to comment on a three-year old post. I guess they have to let the meanie moms like me know how wrong and bitter I am. Boo freaking hooooo. I don’t need anymore lectures on how saintly adoptive parents are as they rush around the world rescuing all the little children. Do you really not get how that sounds?
Is it really that hard to look at the date at the top of the post? Maybe even look around the blog to see if it’s still active? Oh well, thanks for reminding me to turn off my email notifications. You are at least useful for that
Another Child Being Held in Utah
I was recently contacted by a father trying to stop his daughter from being adopted. He has asked for any advice and help he can get. Please help him if you can. Even just getting his story out is a great help.
My name is Keary Watson and I am the proud birth father of a beautiful baby girl named Elizabeth Renee Watson. She was born on August 11th 2010. I want to start out by thanking you for taking the time to visit this site and taking the time to hear my story. I love my daughter dearly and will do everything in my power to have her home with me where she belongs.
My daughter Elizabeth has recently been placed with a family for adoption without my knowledge or consent. Her mother, Rebecca Prestwich made the terrible decision to “sell” my daughter to a family within the LDS church in the state of Utah without my knowledge or consent. Rebecca has signed away her parental rights and placed Elizabeth with an adoptive family. She did this AFTER Elizabeth was two months old. As Elizabeth’s father I cannot comprehend how Rebecca could make the choice to sell our beautiful daughter away to strangers. These actions sadden my heart. I have always made Rebecca aware that I am her father and will always take care of my child. I cannot understand why she would have chosen this option but sadly she has. I pray that Rebecca can live with the decisions that she has made and I seek comfort in knowing that I will correct the bad choice Rebecca has made and will never give up trying to do so.
It appears as though I have a bigger battle ahead of me to get Elizabeth back home than I ever imagined. Over the last two weeks I have been made aware of A LOT of other cases similar to mine. This is prevalent throughout the US with many birth mothers doing this in the state of Utah because of laws that exclude birth fathers. I am fighting for my legal rights as her biological father to get my daughter back. I did not give up my daughter for adoption. I would NEVER give my daughter up for adoption. I am her natural father and I am her recognized legal father on her birth certificate. I have been a part of my daughter’s life since the moment of conception and have continued to be her father in the fight to get her back home with me where she belongs.
Please help me to spread the word and what I am fighting for. From reading other cases it is people like you who are helping make a difference. Again, I would like to thank you in advance for any help you give. Words cannot express my gratitude.
I am requesting donations to cover legal expenses, travel and accommodations in Utah where my daughter is being kept. Please visit the link if you can help.
http://apps.facebook.com/fundrazr/activity/08e22911a5dc42a39688c50f0549fe92
I would also like to ask everyone to take the time to write the Utah Attorney Generals office and the US Department of Justice about my case. The more people start talking about baby brokering/human trafficking by people abusing Utah laws – the more the authorities are going to look into it.
E-Mail: uag@utah.gov
US Department of Justice
Mr. Dustin PeadUS Department of Justice185 South State Street, Suite 400Salt Lake City, Utah. 84111Phone: 801-524-6924 Fax: 801-524-5682
lfowlke@utah.gov, react@reason.com, subscribe@reason.com, letters@reason.com, rmenlove@utah.gov, bcferry@utah.gov, jdraxler@utah.gov, fhunsaker@utah.gov, curtwebb@utah.gov, kwgibson@utah.gov, gdonneson@utah.gov, gfroerer@utah.gov, neilhansen@utah.gov, lshurtliff@utah.gov, bdee@utah.gov, rgreenwood@utah.gov, pray@utah.gov, coda@utah.gov, daagard@utah.gov, kgarn@utah.gov, jfisher@utah.gov, rogerbarrus@utah.gov, sherylallen@utah.gov, pauln@utah.gov, jgowans@utah.gov, cduckworth@utah.gov, jseelig@utah.gov, rbecker@utah.gov, christinejohnson@utah.gov, dlitvack@utah.gov, jdougall@utah.gov, rozmcgee@xmission.com, janicefisher@utah.gov, jbiskupski@utah.gov, lwiley@utah.gov, ronbigelow@utah.gov, nhendrickson@utah.gov, koryholdaway@comcast.net, markwheatley@utah.gov, priesen@utah.gov, csmoss@utah.gov, ehutchings@utah.gov, jdunnigan@utah.gov, lhemingway@utah.gov, toddkiser@utah.gov, jbird@utah.gov, wharper@utah.gov, tcosgrove@utah.gov, mwalker@utah.gov, karenmorgan@utah.gov, merlynnnewbold@utah.gov, greghughes@utah.gov, cwimmer@utah.gov, melbrown@utah.gov, gsnow@utah.gov, jmathis@utah.gov, ksumsion@utah.gov, cfrank@utah.gov, ssandstrom@utah.gov, bdaw@utah.gov, keithgrover@utah.gov, cherrod@utah.gov, sclark@utah.gov, blockhart@utah.gov, atilton@utah.gov, mikemorley@utah.gov, ppainter@utah.gov, bwinn@utah.gov, brad.king@ceu.edu, kaymciff@utah.gov, blast@utah.gov, bbowman@utah.gov, mnoel@kanab.net, dclark@utah.gov, surquhart@utah.gov
We have made a facebook page for anyone that would like to show their support http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Give-Elizabeth-Back-to-Her-Daddy-Keary/123989397664887
Gays Gain the Right to Adopt BUT….
http://www.womanist-musings.com/2010/09/gays-gain-right-to-adopt-but-what-about.html
A friend sent me this link and I was pleasantly shocked by the blog post. Its so rare for someone not connected to adoption to see the side of the mothers. Its even more rare for someone to speak out about it.
Announcing …..
I told you guys a little while back I was working on something. I still am working on it but figured it was about time I let you all in on it. Its not just my project. There are some wonderful people helping and sharing ideas. I have been truly inspired by working with them. So here goes….
We have stated a new group to support all people separated by adoption.
We are dedicated to support those struggling with adoption loss. We provide confidential support and information through a moderated support forum and a monitored nightly chat room.
We aim to prevent further unnecessary separations by uniting adoptees and firstparents in the mission to prevent dire situations, life circumstances, and oppressive belief systems that result in adoptions.
We aim to support families searching for family members, beginning a reunion, struggling with the complex emotional issues of a reunion or dealing with a failed reunion.
We aim to raise awareness of the life long consequences of adoption separation for mothers, fathers, adoptees, siblings and extended family.
We are an affiliate of Origins International.
I would love to see some of you on our forum! We even have a section for Allies that aren’t connected to adoption. Check us out but keep in mind we are still building.
Done
I have come to a conclusion. The adoption industry is going to win. I am very sad saying that. It hurts to even type it. The words make me angry and scared on a deep level but I think if things continue the way they are it is true.
You know why they will win? Because we are all to busy separating ourselves and fighting. The industry loves to watch it. It means they have accomplished their goal. BSE moms fight with the Open Era moms. Adoptees fight with moms. Moms in one country fight with moms in another country. Adoptees that are anti adoption fight with adoptees that aren’t. We separate urselves into these small groups instead of just being moms or just being adoptees. Instead fo supporting each other and fighting a great evil in this world we turn our backs on each other due to location or age.
Really people, keep it up. You might as well be working at an adoption agency. When you are done with this why don’t you make up a list of vulnerable pregnant women that are easy prey and hand deliver it. You might as well. You are helping the agencies anyway. Every minute we spend drawing imaginary lines in the sand is minute we could have prevented a needless separation of mother and child, supported a father fighting for his child, changed a law, or helped a desperate mother or adoptee realize they are not alone. You guys just keep it up.
I am going to try something different. I will support any adoptee, mom or pregnant woman tat comes my way. I will help them in any way possible. I don’t care if they were born in the 40’s or yesterday. I don’t care if they are anti adoption or not.(as long as they aren’t trying to make me change my mind on my views on the subject) I don’t care if they live next door to me or in Antarctica. I will help them any way I can. I will fight the industry without sacrificing the actual people I meet along the way. I will not reinjure injured people to get something accomplished. I will not become what I hate
One More Time
My favorite blogger of the new year is at it again. She has two posts I want to address this time.
http://gracecomesbyhearing.blogspot.com/2010/01/all-comments-arent-published.html
The first is fairly easy. I was apparently not the only one frustrated by the fact that she claims to want a debate but refuses to post most of the comments that disagree with her. I can not speak for everyone who commented on her blog. However, I commented 4 times and not one was published. I never used a single vulgar word. Never called her the evil “c” word. Never said she stole her child. Never said she was a bad person. I did say she was very ill-informed. I also did tell her I was going to blog about her post. Since I have dealt with people who twist words before I decided to save my last comment before I submitted it.
“Are you actually going to post comments this time? I don’t have the time or energy to type out a comment for it to end up in the trash file. I will check back tonight to see if you are. If not I will just post on my blog.”
When I linked her last post I also sent her a comment telling her I was linking to her. I explained in that post I always tell a blogger when I link to them. I have always had people send me a little note when they link to me. Personally I think it is polite to do so. I would hate for someone to stumble upon it and feel like I was talking about them behind their back. I guess manners are more important to some people than others. So basically there was never any snide threat to bash her on another blog if she didn’t post comments. Just a the same courtesy I extended before.
Now that is out of the way on to the nitty gritty. http://gracecomesbyhearing.blogspot.com/2010/01/valid-reason-needed-part-2.html
I have no clue why she has decided to keep calling out this one blogger. While she is worried that people considering adoption will be scared off by hearing the stories of mothers that were deeply hurt by adoption, I hope for it. If people adopting were pushing for more ethical adoptions and making sure the mother of the child they hope to adopt was not being pressured, tricked or forced in to it, I think that is a good thing.
I stand by the fact that God would not approve of the way adoption is practiced today. God does want us to care for the less fortunate. Orphans should be taken care of but are we even talking about orphans? The children adopted in DIA are not orphans. They have mothers and fathers. The orphan thing just doesn’t fly here. Twisting the bible to be pro adoption is the very same thing she is accusing the anti crowd of doing. If Jesus was adopted by Joseph in modern-day adoption then God would no longer legally be his father. He would have grown up simply being the son of Joseph. Mary would have been pressured to give her son to a “more deserving” family. And the history of an entire religion would have been erased. Let’s not forget Jesus wouldn’t have been able to have access to his original identity unless Joseph gave it to him. Adoption in that part of the world at that time was very very different from what is practiced now in western societies. The comparison can’t even be made.
The simple dismissal of the BSE is appalling. It went on far longer than just the 1950s. Some of it still goes on now. The only real thing that has changed is the tactics. In the last 3 years there was a story of 3 young pregnant girls sent to a maternity home by their parents. These girls broke out and were hunted down. If the times have changed so much then why did this happen? Agencies spend million to figure out the best way to manipulate pregnant women into surrendering. They spend just as much on “birthmother outreach”. Do you know what that phrase means? It means they contact anyone who might be in contact with unwed pregnant women in hopes of their agency being pushed. Women aren’t even safe at their own OB/GYN at this point. Going to Walmart holds the same danger as wanna be adoptive parents are putting their calling cards in maternity clothes and handing out their profile cards to pregnant women that aren’t wearing a wedding ring. Social workers show up in doctor’s offices and hospital rooms to push adoption. Adoption workers flood the hospital the moment anyone they have ever had contact with goes into labor. Babies are rushed out of the delivery room to keep their mother’s from seeing them. Mother’s are stitched up after delivery with no pain medication. (I was one of them so don’t dare tell me it doesn’t happen) Look up the term hot boxing because that is common when a mother starts to change her mind. Things have not changed nearly as much as you wish they have.
All you have to do to see where she got her information about “open” adoption from is talk to mothers. The agency never once told me it was not enforceable. They told me I could see my child once a month until she was 18. When I revoked my consent to the adoption they threatened to tell the adoptive parents I was dangerous and make sure I never saw her again. I asked how they could do that if we signed a contract. It’s not legal! Can you imagine the horror of finding that out? It happens over and over to women every day. Read some of the agency websites. Never once is it mentioned that it is not legally enforceable. If your agency actually told the mother of your child that then bravo to them. they are truly rare.
As to the happiness of parties in adoption you can not know that. Even in your own case. What do you think the adoptive parents of my child would tell you about my happiness if you asked them? They would say that while it was painful at first I am happy with my decision and have moved on with my life knowing the child is happy. You know why? For my child’s sake I play the game. I pretend I am happy. I smile and pretend adoption is the greatest thing since sliced bread. I will not risk losing what little contact I have by being honest. It is vital that she get to see me and her siblings. It will benefit her in the long run so I give away my soul piece by piece for her. Every mother I know in an “open” adoption does the same thing. All these “happy” moms end up in support groups and forums with Myst and I.
The sad thing to me is that you missed the entire point of Myst’s blog post. In an effort to defend your family you totally overlooked what she was saying. If women and children are being hurt we need to find a better way. It is not acceptable to throw them under the bus because some people are happy. With all your blogging I have yet to see a valid reason either
For Real?? You’re Kidding Right?
I was brought to my attention last night that there is a blog written by an adopter that has linked several mothers that I know as well as a couple adoptees. This “blogger” has just discovered the horror that some people don’t believe adoption is all sunshine and rainbows. People that think families should not be destroyed to create another “family” and that people are not interchangeable is just shocking to her. If you have the stomach for it, you can read the whole thing here
http://gracecomesbyhearing.blogspot.com/2009/12/best-hope.html
I want to touch on a couple of things from her post and since her comments are on moderation I will be doing it here.
While I do agree many of the people in the adoption reform movement have had bad experiences with adoption it in no way negates the need for reform. That is like saying that a rape victim just had a bad experience so there really isn’t any need for tougher laws. It is also not just women in this movement. There are quite a few male adoptees and fathers that fight the good fight right along side the women. Some of us are totally anti adoption (myself included) and some of us are not. You really must not have read very much if you didn’t notice that. Some of our supporters are adoptive parents that have seen the truth of what is being done to acquire these babies for people willing to pay the fees. Most people with any compassion or empathy would want to stop a corrupt system that profits from snatching babies from their mother’s breast and selling them to the highest bidder.
As for the woman’s story you link, It should make you cry. it should make you weep for that family. Drugging a woman that has just given birth is evil. That woman had a very complicated delivery that ended in an emergency c section. They tied her tubes “while they were in there” making it impossible for her to ever have another child. If she had signed a contract to buy a freaking lawnmower while under that amount of medication, after a major surgery, while still bleeding in her hospital bed it would never hold up in court. Yet because the word adoption is on the paper it was perfectly legal for them to get her to sign away her much beloved son. The son she had already named and who’s siblings were waiting for at home. This should make you do more than shed a few tears. It should make you rage for a mother, father and 3 children whose lives are utterly destroyed.
Make no mistake, their lives were destroyed. They will never be ok. They might live, laugh, love and enjoy aspects of life but forever their will be an empty spot beside them where that little boy should be. Do you have any idea where that woman is now, 4 yrs later? I do. She is trying to survive for the child she has left. She spends all night curled up n the couch crying and looking at pictures of that baby. She tries anything to forget for even one second that her baby is out there being raised by people that used her and lied to her. It doesn’t work. It never works. She remembers every second with every cell in her body and it is killing her. How do I know? Because I am the one talking her down at 4 in the morning when she doesn’t think she can go on any longer. I am the one holding her hand all night long. I am the one scared to death every time his birthday rolls around tat she will do something understandable but tragic. I am the one that has to watch her self destruct with guilt and pain while I am powerless to stop it.
So you are damn right we are angry. No one in their right mind wouldn’t be angry when faced with this hell. I am not mad at God. I am angry at people. Evil selfish people who use others for selfishness and greed and then throw them away like garbage. These acts are not God’s plan. It is offensive for you to even suggest that they are. God does not destroy one family to “build” another. God does not approve of lying and stealing to get what you want. Jesus preached of loving our neighbors and taking care of them not stealing children because you have more money. Evil acts are NEVER God’s plan. God weeps when he sees his children treat each other this way. So don’t feed me your God’s plan crap. That is all it is crap. Why isn’t it God’s plan for the infertile to remain childless then? It sucks when the shoe is on the other foot huh?
I won’t even get into your dribble about blank slates, second best or the way you make sure to type “natural mother” every single time tonight. I have used up enough energy on you for one evening. Oh and if you are going to try to take us on at least have the guts to post comments
Resolutions
Its the beginning of a new year and with that comes resolutions. I have many resolutions. Some are the typical kind to do things like lose weight, be more active and be nicer to my brother. I know most of that won’t happen. (sorry bro) I have a few resolutions of the adoption nature.
My big one is to write at least one entry on this blog a week. It sounds so easy but I know it will be very very hard for me to keep. Anyone in the adoption community knows how cruel it can be. Heartless comments and personal attacks are an every day occurence. I think we all know that natural mothers take more than their fair share of that. Its easy to hurt them. Its not very hard to know what to say to twist the knife in their heart. Before my break the comments had been getting to me more than I could deal with. This led me to my second resolution
Boundaries, they aren’t just for adoptees and APs anymore. I am setting some pretty major boundaries for this blog. I was trying not to hurt so many people that I was hurting myself. I will not do that anymore. On this blog mothers that have lost children to adoption are mothers or at the natural mothers. They are not birth anything and even first will not be permitted in some cases. If you comment with the b words I will simply edit it to say natural. I hate to do that but its my blog and I am sick of the disrespect.
On the subject of language, I will refer to people that adopt on a case to case basis. I have met some people that have adopted that truly understand what is happening in the adoption industry and I refer to them as adoptive parents. Why? Because they show me respect and I return the favor. The whole two way street thing. However, if you are an asshat that happens to have adopted you will be refered to as an adopter or worse. I will not hold punches anymore for people that swing with everything they have.
So there ya have it folks. This new year you do not get a kinder gentler Aislin. I tried that and it sucked. You get a more direct, stronger and honest Aislin. If you don’t like it I am truly sorry but no one is forcing you to read.
3 years ago
3 years ago today I was sitting on my bed watching your dad play a game. My eyes were puffy from crying all night. Your brothers were safe in their beds dreaming little boy dreams. You were awake practicing your kick boxing. I was scared of what the next day would bring. It was the day I had to tell everyone that I couldn’t let you go.
I felt selfish for keeping you with me. I felt guilty for letting down the poor infertile couple that I had never even spoken to let alone met. The social workers words echoed in my head. I will ruin your little life if you stay here. You will grow up to be just like me. Don’t I want more for you than that? I’m breaking the hearts of those poor poor people that just want a baby to complete their perfect lives. Still I knew I couldn’t do it.
So I sat on the bed watching your dad. Tiny clothes spread out across my comforter. You needed more socks. I had to go shopping for a couple more sleepers and some hats too. Its a good thing I kept the crib your brothers used. It wasn’t much but it was enough.
Then I felt it. Terror gripped me at 11:30 pm when I knew for a fact you were not going to wait for me to tell everyone. I should have known. Patience isn’t something that runs in our family. Not to mention that I was 10 months and 4 days pregnant with you. I was overwhelmed with fear and joy knowing I would get to see your face soon.
I whispered to you the whole way to the hospital. Calling your name and trying to reassure you. My hands never leaving my stomach so you could feel my caress. I told you how much we loved you and wanted you. I told you how excited your brothers would be when they woke up.
We were together on this day 3 years ago. We were a family complete. We were all I needed or wanted in this world. Yet I am alone tonight writing about the beautiful daughter I miss more than anything and you don’t even know your name whispered to you that night. So as I said that night …….
I mo chroí go deo Aisling Aine
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Aborted Mother 