Blah Blah Blah

May 30, 2011 at 1:33 pm (adopted, adoptee, adopting, adoption, adoption reform, adoptive parent, birthmother, birthparents, cbs, Cindy Jordan Ross, Cindy Jordon, first mother, Independant Adoption Center, Jamie Kiefer, justice, natural mother) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

I just love it when some adoptive mom gets all riled up and decides to comment on a three-year old post. I guess they have to let the meanie moms like me know how wrong and bitter I am. Boo freaking hooooo. I don’t need anymore lectures on how saintly adoptive parents are as they rush around the world rescuing all the little children. Do you really not get how that sounds?

Is it really that hard to look at the date at the top of the post? Maybe even look around the blog to see if it’s still active? Oh well, thanks for reminding me to turn off my email notifications. You are at least useful for that

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Announcing …..

July 19, 2010 at 12:27 pm (adopted, adoptee, adopting, adoption, adoption reform, adoptive parent, birthmother, birthparents, first mother, help, Independant Adoption Center, justice, law, natural mother) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

I told you guys a little while back I was working on something. I still am working on it but figured it was about time I let you all in on it. Its not just my project. There are some wonderful people helping and sharing ideas. I have been truly inspired by working with them. So here goes….

We have stated a new group to support all people separated by adoption.

We are dedicated to support those struggling with adoption loss. We provide confidential support and information through a moderated support forum and a monitored nightly chat room.

We aim to prevent further unnecessary separations by uniting adoptees and firstparents in the mission to prevent dire situations, life circumstances, and oppressive belief systems that result in adoptions.

We aim to support families searching for family members, beginning a reunion, struggling with the complex emotional issues of a reunion or dealing with a failed reunion.

We aim to raise awareness of the life long consequences of adoption separation for mothers, fathers, adoptees, siblings and extended family.

We are an affiliate of Origins International.

I would love to see some of you on our forum! We even have a section for Allies that aren’t connected to adoption. Check us out but keep in mind we are still building.

http://connections-usa.org

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One More Time

January 5, 2010 at 11:37 am (adoption, adoption reform, adoptive parent, first mother) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

My favorite blogger of the new year is at it again. She has two posts I want to address this time.

http://gracecomesbyhearing.blogspot.com/2010/01/all-comments-arent-published.html

The first is fairly easy. I was apparently not the only one frustrated by the fact that she claims to want a debate but refuses to post most of the comments that disagree with her. I can not speak for everyone who commented on her blog. However, I commented 4 times and not one was published. I never used a single vulgar word. Never called her the evil “c” word. Never said she stole her child. Never said she was a bad person. I did say she was very ill-informed. I also did tell her I was going to blog about her post. Since I have dealt with people who twist words before I decided to save my last comment before I submitted it.

“Are you actually going to post comments this time? I don’t have the time or energy to type out a comment for it to end up in the trash file. I will check back tonight to see if you are. If not I will just post on my blog.”

When I linked her last post I also sent her a comment telling her I was linking to her. I explained in that post I always tell a blogger when I link to them. I have always had people send me a little note when they link to me. Personally I think it is polite to do so. I would hate for someone to stumble upon it and feel like I was talking about them behind their back. I guess manners are more important to some people than others. So basically there was never any snide threat to bash her on another blog if she didn’t post comments. Just a the same courtesy I extended before.

Now that is out of the way on to the nitty gritty. http://gracecomesbyhearing.blogspot.com/2010/01/valid-reason-needed-part-2.html

I have no clue why she has decided to keep calling out this one blogger. While she is worried that people considering adoption will be scared off by hearing the stories of mothers that were deeply hurt by adoption, I hope for it. If people adopting were pushing for more ethical adoptions and making sure the mother of the child they hope to adopt was not being pressured, tricked or forced in to it, I think that is a good thing.

I stand by the fact that God would not approve of the way adoption is practiced today. God does want us to care for the less fortunate. Orphans should be taken care of but are we even talking about orphans? The children adopted in DIA are not orphans. They have mothers and fathers. The orphan thing just doesn’t fly here. Twisting the bible to be pro adoption is the very same thing she is accusing the anti crowd of doing. If Jesus was adopted by Joseph in modern-day adoption then God would no longer legally be his father. He would have grown up simply being the son of Joseph. Mary would have been pressured to give her son to a “more deserving” family. And the history of an entire religion would have been erased. Let’s not forget Jesus wouldn’t have been able to have access to his original identity unless Joseph gave it to him. Adoption in that part of the world at that time was very very different from what is practiced now in western societies. The comparison can’t even be made.

The simple dismissal of the BSE is appalling. It went on far longer than just the 1950s. Some of it still goes on now. The only real thing that has changed is the tactics. In the last 3 years there was a story of 3 young pregnant girls sent to a maternity home by their parents. These girls broke out and were hunted down. If the times have changed so much then why did this happen? Agencies spend million to figure out the best way to manipulate pregnant women into surrendering. They spend just as much on “birthmother outreach”. Do you know what that phrase means? It means they contact anyone who might be in contact with unwed pregnant women in hopes of their agency being pushed. Women aren’t even safe at their own OB/GYN at this point. Going to Walmart holds the same danger as wanna be adoptive parents are putting their calling cards in maternity clothes and handing out their profile cards to pregnant women that aren’t wearing a wedding ring. Social workers show up in doctor’s offices and hospital rooms to push adoption. Adoption workers flood the hospital the moment anyone they have ever had contact with goes into labor. Babies are rushed out of the delivery room to keep their mother’s from seeing them. Mother’s are stitched up after delivery with no pain medication. (I was one of them so don’t dare tell me it doesn’t happen) Look up the term hot boxing because that is common when a mother starts to change her mind. Things have not changed nearly as much as you wish they have.

All you have to do to see where she got her information about “open” adoption from is talk to mothers. The agency never once told me it was not enforceable. They told me I could see my child once a month until she was 18. When I revoked my consent to the adoption they threatened to tell the adoptive parents I was dangerous and make sure I never saw her again. I asked how they could do that if we signed a contract. It’s not legal! Can you imagine the horror of finding that out? It happens over and over to women every day. Read some of the agency websites. Never once is it mentioned that it is not legally enforceable. If your agency actually told the mother of your child that then bravo to them. they are truly rare.

As to the happiness of parties in adoption you can not know that. Even in your own case. What do you think the adoptive parents of my child would tell you about my happiness if you asked them? They would say that while it was painful at first I am happy with my decision and have moved on with my life knowing the child is happy. You know why? For my child’s sake I play the game. I pretend I am happy. I smile and pretend adoption is the greatest thing since sliced bread. I will not risk losing what little contact I have by being honest. It is vital that she get to see me and her siblings. It will benefit her in the long run so I give away my soul piece by piece for her. Every mother I know in an “open” adoption does the same thing. All these “happy” moms end up in support groups and forums with Myst and I.

The sad thing to me is that you missed the entire point of Myst’s blog post. In an effort to defend your family you totally overlooked what she was saying. If women and children are being hurt we need to find a better way. It is not acceptable to throw them under the bus because some people are happy. With all your blogging I have yet to see a valid reason either

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Resolutions

January 1, 2010 at 10:56 am (adopted, adoptee, adopting, adoption, adoption reform, adoptive parent, birthmother, birthparents, Cindy Jordon, first mother, help, Independant Adoption Center, Jamie Kiefer, justice, law, natural mother, Stephanie Bennett) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Its the beginning of a new year and with that comes resolutions.  I have many resolutions. Some are the typical kind to do things like lose weight, be more active and be nicer to my brother. I know most of that won’t happen. (sorry bro) I have a few resolutions of the adoption nature.

 My big one is to write at least one entry on this blog a week. It sounds so easy but I know it will be very very hard for me to keep. Anyone in the adoption community knows how cruel it can be. Heartless comments and personal attacks are an every day occurence. I think we all know that natural mothers take more than their fair share of that. Its easy to hurt them. Its not very hard to know what to say to twist the knife in their heart. Before my break the comments had been getting to me more than I could deal with. This led me to my second resolution

Boundaries, they aren’t just for adoptees and APs anymore. I am setting some pretty major boundaries for this blog. I was trying not to hurt so many people that I was hurting myself. I will not do that anymore. On this blog mothers that have lost children to adoption are mothers or at the  natural mothers. They are not birth anything and even first will not be permitted in some cases. If you comment with the b words I will simply edit it to say natural. I hate to do that but its my blog and I am sick of the disrespect.

On the subject of language, I will refer to people that adopt on a case to case basis. I have met some people that have adopted that truly understand what is happening in the adoption industry and I refer to them as adoptive parents. Why? Because they show me respect and I return the favor. The whole two way street thing. However, if you are an asshat that happens to have adopted you will be refered to as an adopter or worse. I will not hold punches anymore for people that swing with everything they have.

So there ya have it folks. This new year you do not get a kinder gentler Aislin. I tried that and it sucked. You get a more direct, stronger and honest Aislin. If you don’t like it I am truly sorry but no one is forcing you to read.

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3 years ago

November 13, 2008 at 11:38 am (adopted, adoptee, adopting, adoption, adoption reform, birthmother, birthparents, first mother, justice) (, , , , , , , )

3 years ago today I was sitting on my bed watching your dad play a game. My eyes were puffy from crying all night. Your brothers were safe in their beds dreaming little boy dreams. You were awake practicing your kick boxing. I was scared of what the next day would bring. It was the day I had to tell everyone that I couldn’t let you go.

I felt selfish for keeping you with me. I felt guilty for letting down the poor infertile couple that I had never even spoken to let alone met. The social workers words echoed in my head. I will ruin your little life if you stay here. You will grow up to be just like me. Don’t I want more for you than that? I’m breaking the hearts of those poor poor people that just want a baby to complete their perfect lives. Still I knew I couldn’t do it.

So I sat on the bed watching your dad. Tiny clothes spread out across my comforter. You needed more socks. I had to go shopping for a couple more sleepers and some hats too. Its a good thing I kept the crib your brothers used. It wasn’t much but it was enough.

Then I felt it. Terror gripped me at 11:30 pm when I knew for a fact you were not going to wait for me to tell everyone. I should have known. Patience isn’t something that runs in our family. Not to mention that I was 10 months and 4 days pregnant with you. I was overwhelmed with fear and joy knowing I would get to see your face soon.

I whispered to you the whole way to the hospital. Calling your name and trying to reassure you. My hands never leaving my stomach so you could feel my caress. I told you how much we loved you and wanted you. I told you how excited your brothers would be when they woke up.

We were together on this day 3 years ago. We were a family complete. We were all I needed or wanted in this world. Yet I am alone tonight writing about the beautiful daughter I miss more than anything and you don’t even know your name whispered to you that night. So as I said that night …….

I mo chroí go deo Aisling Aine

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Protected: Visit

November 4, 2008 at 11:48 am (adopted, adoptee, adopting, adoption, adoption reform, adoptive parent, birthmother, birthparents, first mother, natural mother) (, , , , , , , , , )

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

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Again?

October 28, 2008 at 11:36 am (adopted, adoptee, adopting, adoption, adoption reform, birthmother, birthparents, first mother, justice) (, , , , , , , , , )

I really hate the fact that something simple can bring me right back to the raw painful feelings that I had the day I lost my daughter. It comes out of the blue and takes weeks to get over. Today I was in the car and heard a song that I could have written just for her.

Staind – Believe Lyrics

I sit alone and watch the clock
Trying to collect my thoughts
All I think about is you

And so I cry myself to sleep
And hope the devil I don’t meet
In the dreams that I live through

Believe in me
I know you’ve waited for so long
Believe in me
Sometimes the weak become the strong
Believe in me
This life’s not always what it seems
Believe in me
Cause I was made for chasing dreams

All the smiles you’ve had to fake
And all the shit you’ve had to take
Just to meet us here again

I never have the things to say
To make it all just go away
To make it all just disappear

Believe in me
I know you’ve waited for so long
Believe in me
Sometimes the weak become the strong
Believe in me
This life’s not always what it seems
Believe in me
Cause I was made for chasing dreams

It’s my life
It’s my choice
Hear my words
Here my voice
And just believe

I sit alone and watch the clock
Trying to collect my thoughts
And all I think about is you

If you believe in me
Life’s not always what it seems
Believe in me
Cause I was made for chasing dreams

Believe in me
I know you’ve waited for so long
Believe in me
Sometimes the weak become the strong
Believe in me
This life’s not always what it seems
Believe in me
Cause I was made for chasing dreams

I’m sure you can see why some of the lyrics made me think of her so deeply. The line that gets me the most is ” I was made for chasing dreams” Not many people know why i named my daughter what I did or even what I named her. I’ve kept that mostly to myself.

Her name means a dream. I named her when I was 5 months pregnant. I named her dream because that is what she is to me. She was my dream come true.  She is my dream come true. Yeah my dream was for her to be with me but she is no less special or wonderful because she is 200 miles away. i don’t love her less. I don’t worry about her less. I am not less proud of everything she does. She is not less beautiful. She is no less part of me than if she was here. She is and will always be my dream, my world, my everything.

I will chase my dream forever if I have to. I will never give up on her. I will be here forever and always waiting. I love you my dream girl.

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Demons of Adoption Award

October 15, 2008 at 2:40 am (adopted, adoptee, adopting, adoption, adoption reform, birthmother, birthparents, first mother, justice, Uncategorized)

*************************************************************
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
*************************************************************

Last year we instituted our annual Demons of Adoption Award to raise a voice against adoption propaganda and the self congratulatory practices of the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute’s annual Angels in Adoption Awards

This year we continue that tradition. Until November 1 you will have the opportunity to vote for the recipient of this year’s award.

The nominees are:

  • LDS Family Services for using coercive tactics in obtaining infants for adoption and for not respecting paternal rights;
  • The makers of Juno for helping to groom and brainwash a whole new generation of girls and young women to be walking incubators for the the adoption industry;
  • Adoption.com for systematically banning voices that oppose current adoption practices and their continuous pro-adoption propaganda;
  • Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute for awarding persons and organizations that promote the one sided point of view of the adoption industry;
  • Adoptions from the Heart for their continued cooperation with the totally corrupt Indian orphanage Preet Mandir;
  • Amici dei Bambini for being the driving force behind the concept of European Adoptions, as a way to re-open adoptions from Romania;
  • CPS in various states for pushing for quick adoptions on flimsy allegations to meet targets and quotas;
  • UK Local authority Social Services for pushing for quick adoptions on flimsy allegations to meet targets and quotas;
  • Canadian Children’s Aid Society for pushing for quick adoptions on flimsy allegations to meet targets and quotas;
  • District of Columbia Child and Family Services Agency for for not checking up on Renee Bowman.

You can cast your vote by following this link: http://poundpuplegacy.org/node/21959

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It ain’t just a river

August 14, 2008 at 12:41 pm (adopted, adoptee, adopting, adoption, adoption reform, birthmother, birthparents, first mother)

Believe by Bravery

[ Buy “Popular Songs” CD ]
[
Bravery CDs ]
[
Bravery Sheet Music ]

The faces all around me they don’t smile they just crack
Waiting for our ship to come but our ships not coming back
We do have time like pennies in a jar
What are we saving for

There’s a smell of stale feeling that’s drinking from my skins
The drinking never stops because the drink off all our sins
We sit and throw our roots into the floor
What are we waiting for

So give me something to believe
Cause I am living just to breathe
And I need something more
To keep on breathing for
So give me something to believe

Something’s always coming you can hear it in the ground
It swells into the air
With the rising
Rising sound
And never comes but shakes the boards and rattles all the doors
What are we waiting for

So give me something to believe
Cause I am living just to breath
And I need something more
To keep on breathing for
So give me something to believe

I am hiding from some beast
But the beast was always here
Watching without eyes
Because the beast is just my fear
That I am just nothing
Now its just what I’ve become
What am I waiting for
Its already done

Ohhhhhhh

So give me something to believe
Cause I am living just to breath
And I need something more
To keep on breathing for
So give me something to believe

I want so desperately to be in denial rigt now. I want to stop hurting. I want the pain to end. I want to forget. I want to be normal again. I just want to be a person not this thing I have become. I saw her face and it ripped my heart out. I want to be able to look at my daughter without feeling like I am dying. I want to see her smile without thinking its a sign that she doesn’t need me. God there is so much I want.

Please please remind me that she needs me. Tell me that she will be devestated if I disapear. Will she really even care? Would she notice if I was no longer around? Does she even know who I am anymore? Does she hate me?

I want to sink into that sweet denial. Why is even that denied me? If I had any sense at all I would have bled out on the delivery room table.

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passwords

June 21, 2008 at 10:08 am (adopted, adoptee, adopting, adoption, adoption reform, birthmother, birthparents, first mother, justice, Uncategorized)

I finally joined the password club. I’m kinda raw about some things right now and I don’t feel like dealing with the Jims of the world. If you want the password drop me a comment or email

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