Another Child Being Held in Utah
I was recently contacted by a father trying to stop his daughter from being adopted. He has asked for any advice and help he can get. Please help him if you can. Even just getting his story out is a great help.
My name is Keary Watson and I am the proud birth father of a beautiful baby girl named Elizabeth Renee Watson. She was born on August 11th 2010. I want to start out by thanking you for taking the time to visit this site and taking the time to hear my story. I love my daughter dearly and will do everything in my power to have her home with me where she belongs.
My daughter Elizabeth has recently been placed with a family for adoption without my knowledge or consent. Her mother, Rebecca Prestwich made the terrible decision to “sell” my daughter to a family within the LDS church in the state of Utah without my knowledge or consent. Rebecca has signed away her parental rights and placed Elizabeth with an adoptive family. She did this AFTER Elizabeth was two months old. As Elizabeth’s father I cannot comprehend how Rebecca could make the choice to sell our beautiful daughter away to strangers. These actions sadden my heart. I have always made Rebecca aware that I am her father and will always take care of my child. I cannot understand why she would have chosen this option but sadly she has. I pray that Rebecca can live with the decisions that she has made and I seek comfort in knowing that I will correct the bad choice Rebecca has made and will never give up trying to do so.
It appears as though I have a bigger battle ahead of me to get Elizabeth back home than I ever imagined. Over the last two weeks I have been made aware of A LOT of other cases similar to mine. This is prevalent throughout the US with many birth mothers doing this in the state of Utah because of laws that exclude birth fathers. I am fighting for my legal rights as her biological father to get my daughter back. I did not give up my daughter for adoption. I would NEVER give my daughter up for adoption. I am her natural father and I am her recognized legal father on her birth certificate. I have been a part of my daughter’s life since the moment of conception and have continued to be her father in the fight to get her back home with me where she belongs.
Please help me to spread the word and what I am fighting for. From reading other cases it is people like you who are helping make a difference. Again, I would like to thank you in advance for any help you give. Words cannot express my gratitude.
I am requesting donations to cover legal expenses, travel and accommodations in Utah where my daughter is being kept. Please visit the link if you can help.
http://apps.facebook.com/fundrazr/activity/08e22911a5dc42a39688c50f0549fe92
I would also like to ask everyone to take the time to write the Utah Attorney Generals office and the US Department of Justice about my case. The more people start talking about baby brokering/human trafficking by people abusing Utah laws – the more the authorities are going to look into it.
E-Mail: uag@utah.gov
US Department of Justice
Mr. Dustin PeadUS Department of Justice185 South State Street, Suite 400Salt Lake City, Utah. 84111Phone: 801-524-6924 Fax: 801-524-5682
lfowlke@utah.gov, react@reason.com, subscribe@reason.com, letters@reason.com, rmenlove@utah.gov, bcferry@utah.gov, jdraxler@utah.gov, fhunsaker@utah.gov, curtwebb@utah.gov, kwgibson@utah.gov, gdonneson@utah.gov, gfroerer@utah.gov, neilhansen@utah.gov, lshurtliff@utah.gov, bdee@utah.gov, rgreenwood@utah.gov, pray@utah.gov, coda@utah.gov, daagard@utah.gov, kgarn@utah.gov, jfisher@utah.gov, rogerbarrus@utah.gov, sherylallen@utah.gov, pauln@utah.gov, jgowans@utah.gov, cduckworth@utah.gov, jseelig@utah.gov, rbecker@utah.gov, christinejohnson@utah.gov, dlitvack@utah.gov, jdougall@utah.gov, rozmcgee@xmission.com, janicefisher@utah.gov, jbiskupski@utah.gov, lwiley@utah.gov, ronbigelow@utah.gov, nhendrickson@utah.gov, koryholdaway@comcast.net, markwheatley@utah.gov, priesen@utah.gov, csmoss@utah.gov, ehutchings@utah.gov, jdunnigan@utah.gov, lhemingway@utah.gov, toddkiser@utah.gov, jbird@utah.gov, wharper@utah.gov, tcosgrove@utah.gov, mwalker@utah.gov, karenmorgan@utah.gov, merlynnnewbold@utah.gov, greghughes@utah.gov, cwimmer@utah.gov, melbrown@utah.gov, gsnow@utah.gov, jmathis@utah.gov, ksumsion@utah.gov, cfrank@utah.gov, ssandstrom@utah.gov, bdaw@utah.gov, keithgrover@utah.gov, cherrod@utah.gov, sclark@utah.gov, blockhart@utah.gov, atilton@utah.gov, mikemorley@utah.gov, ppainter@utah.gov, bwinn@utah.gov, brad.king@ceu.edu, kaymciff@utah.gov, blast@utah.gov, bbowman@utah.gov, mnoel@kanab.net, dclark@utah.gov, surquhart@utah.gov
We have made a facebook page for anyone that would like to show their support http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Give-Elizabeth-Back-to-Her-Daddy-Keary/123989397664887
Announcing …..
I told you guys a little while back I was working on something. I still am working on it but figured it was about time I let you all in on it. Its not just my project. There are some wonderful people helping and sharing ideas. I have been truly inspired by working with them. So here goes….
We have stated a new group to support all people separated by adoption.
We are dedicated to support those struggling with adoption loss. We provide confidential support and information through a moderated support forum and a monitored nightly chat room.
We aim to prevent further unnecessary separations by uniting adoptees and firstparents in the mission to prevent dire situations, life circumstances, and oppressive belief systems that result in adoptions.
We aim to support families searching for family members, beginning a reunion, struggling with the complex emotional issues of a reunion or dealing with a failed reunion.
We aim to raise awareness of the life long consequences of adoption separation for mothers, fathers, adoptees, siblings and extended family.
We are an affiliate of Origins International.
I would love to see some of you on our forum! We even have a section for Allies that aren’t connected to adoption. Check us out but keep in mind we are still building.
Resolutions
Its the beginning of a new year and with that comes resolutions. I have many resolutions. Some are the typical kind to do things like lose weight, be more active and be nicer to my brother. I know most of that won’t happen. (sorry bro) I have a few resolutions of the adoption nature.
My big one is to write at least one entry on this blog a week. It sounds so easy but I know it will be very very hard for me to keep. Anyone in the adoption community knows how cruel it can be. Heartless comments and personal attacks are an every day occurence. I think we all know that natural mothers take more than their fair share of that. Its easy to hurt them. Its not very hard to know what to say to twist the knife in their heart. Before my break the comments had been getting to me more than I could deal with. This led me to my second resolution
Boundaries, they aren’t just for adoptees and APs anymore. I am setting some pretty major boundaries for this blog. I was trying not to hurt so many people that I was hurting myself. I will not do that anymore. On this blog mothers that have lost children to adoption are mothers or at the natural mothers. They are not birth anything and even first will not be permitted in some cases. If you comment with the b words I will simply edit it to say natural. I hate to do that but its my blog and I am sick of the disrespect.
On the subject of language, I will refer to people that adopt on a case to case basis. I have met some people that have adopted that truly understand what is happening in the adoption industry and I refer to them as adoptive parents. Why? Because they show me respect and I return the favor. The whole two way street thing. However, if you are an asshat that happens to have adopted you will be refered to as an adopter or worse. I will not hold punches anymore for people that swing with everything they have.
So there ya have it folks. This new year you do not get a kinder gentler Aislin. I tried that and it sucked. You get a more direct, stronger and honest Aislin. If you don’t like it I am truly sorry but no one is forcing you to read.
IN MEMORY OF CINDY JORDAN
I had several posts swirling around in my little brain today but this is so much more important.
Cindy is remembered and will be as long as I live. I never knew her. I never spoke with her. Yet she probably would understand me more than my own family. We are forever connected. We are connected by a deep soul crippling pain.
I am so sorry Cindy!! I understand. Even though we never met, I love you as a sister. I am sending your family all the positive energy I have. Every year a candle burns brightly in a small window in NC for you.
Snowflakes and Camel’s backs
When someone snaps people often wonder why they never saw the signs. We wonder what could have been so terribly wrong without any of us knowing. How can someone seem so normal on second and then so insane the next? I have wondered these very things about people in my life. How could I know them but not know something was terribly wrong? Now I am sure many people in my life are wondering the same thing about me.
You see, I have figured out the whole snapping process. I watched myself do it this weekend. It was a strange thing. I could see it happening but was powerless to stop it. I could only watch as I spun more and more out of control. Gotta love dissociation. Thanks PTSD!!!!
It starts with the big thing. The thing that is terribly wrong. The one I hide from everyone behind my fake ass zombie smile and oh so strong words. The thing everyone ignores because its just easier that way. The fact that losing my daughter killed my soul. That is the big mountain side of snow in my case. The big thing always lurking under the surface of every moment of my life.
Then come all the little snowflakes. My health is one of those. To some it seems like a big thing but what is it compared to losing little A? So on to my health… I am so sick all the time. I have a hard time even getting out of bed most days. I am sick to my stomach all the time and everything hurts. I force myself to do the things the boys need but after that I am too worn down to do much more. There are a million things i have to do before the Bean gets here and I just can’t do it. I spent 2 hours curled up crying today because i can not figure out how to finish fixing my floor before my due date.
Another thing I can’t do while i am so sick is make any damn money. That means I do not have everything I need for Bean and things are hard on the boys right now. And the things I need to get and do just keep adding up. I found out this afternoon that when my charming father put up my crib for me he lost all of the hardware. That means I don’t even have anywhere for Bean to sleep! This alone brings back all those voices telling me why I am not good enough for my daughter. I can hear those whispers all the time now.
Then there is my middle boy. My sweet Monkey Man. He is high functioning autistic which brings challenges. He can not handle seeing me upset. But that isn’t really the problem. His birthday is coming up. I have no clue how I can afford to do much for him on that day and its not fair to him. He also has the bad fortune for his birthday to be 3 days after little A’s. So I am bound to already be an emotional wreck. Add one more little snowflake of him having a chorus concert on Little A’s birthday. I can not tell you how much I dread the thought of being stuck in a room with all those happy families with their perfect children and perfect lives on her birthday. I will do it for him but it will hurt like hell.
And the snow storm itself…. in 9 days my baby will be 2 yrs old. I have never heard her laugh. I have never seen her smile. (pictures do not count) I don’t know what her voice sounds like. Not a clue what she likes to eat. I have never smelled her hair fresh from the bath. Never seen the sparkle in her eye when she is being naughty. Never felt the weight of her head on my chest as she sleeps. I don’t know anything. I have missed it all and I wish I were dead.
So when the stupid dog acted up tonight it was one snowflake too many. The mountain side came crashing down. I snapped. I’m sorry for everyone that depends on me but i just can’t anymore. Its all way too much. I am tired and I can’t fight anymore. I fought damn hard for 2 yrs but its way too big for me. I don’t have anymore supportive advice or insight or whatever. All I have is a broken soul and pain. I can’t fight the good fight. I can’t help everyone else. I am going to bed and not getting up until December. Maybe by then I can muster enough strength to pretend I am alive again.
Pray
Please pray for the Bean. Not for me but for her/him. I know I can be hard to read and for those that know me, a bit hard headed and bitchy. I’m sure I have rubbed people the wrong way at times but please please just pray for my Bean.
Some of my tests came back pretty bad. I don’t care about the ones that came back bad for me. I can deal with that. Please pray that the ones that came back bad for Bean are wrong. Pray that Bean is healthy. Pray that the new tests are better. Light candles, chant, say rosaries, do anything.
DEMONS IN ADOPTION
On october 4th the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute will hold their annual Angels in Adoption gala, where several people will be honored with the Angels in Adoption Reward.
To raise a voice against adoption propaganda and this self congratulatory practive, Pound Pup Legacy is proud to introduce the first edition of the annual Demons of Adoption Awards.
This years nominees are:
Adoption.com, for systematically banning voices that oppose current adoption practices
Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute for awarding persons and organizations that promote the one sided point of view of the adoption industry.
Council on Accreditation for having fierce adoption lobbyists in their board of trustees, making the accreditation process a dubious conflict of interest affair.
National Council for Adoption for pushing the adoption agenda in pregnancy consultation.
National Safe Haven Alliance for promoting legislation that promotes child abandonment.
NYC Administration for Children’s Services for not checking up on Judith Leekin.
By voting You can help decide who will receive this award.
go here to vote: http://poundpuplegacy.org/node/7874
Flashbacks
Flashbacks are a very real part of my life now. They suck. They are painful, they are intense and they are real! I can not just turn them off or pretend they didn’t happen.
When I have a flashback it is very much happening now. It is not the same as a memory. It is happening. It might not be happening in the real world but in the world of my mind it is happening. It is all happening just like it did the first time. The feelings surrounding it will be the same as they were the first time.
Yet I get the same comment from everyone around me. It isn’t really happening. Its not real. Its not like the first time. Its just a memory. Aren’t you over it by now?
WEll I am not an idiot so I am well aware I wasn’t transported back in time. Yet it feels like it. I know its a flashback but that does not make it feel different.
When I had flashbacks of my rape no one said these things. Instead they just reassured me I was safe. Why is it different because these flashbacks are about adoption? Is the PTSD less real now? Maybe people just care less. After all this is all my fault right?
Unless you have PTSD and have the joy of flashbacks don’t tell someone it isn’t real or isn’t happening. You only make it worse. If you don’t know what to say just say nothing. A simple hand on the shoulder is much better than saying the wrong damn thing all the time
WTF
That seems to be the phrase that runs through my head the most these days. WTF am I supposed to do? WTF do these people want from me? WTF is happening to me. WTF is the point of all of this. WTF did I do to deserve this? WTF WTF WTF
If there is a limit to what the human mind can take I think I have hit it. I mean really, how much is too much? Is there a point beyond which we can not come back? I feel like there is. I think I passed it awhile ago. I am not one of those strong women that survives in the face of adversity. I am not couragous. I am not going to be ok and I wish people would just get the hell over that idea. It will never be ok. I am not doing so much better. I will never be remotely ok again. I just hide the pain very well now because I know what reaction I get if I don’t.
There is only one thing in the world that will make me better and we all know that isn’t happening. So please for the love of everything you hold sacred, if you are the very one keeping that from me don’t tell me you are thinking about me. I don’t care if you think of me. I don’t care what you hope for me. I don’t give a damn if you worry about me. You are my problem. You are with holding the very thing I need to survive so your words are hollow. They are meaningless and all they do is make me cry more because they remind me of how cruel this world is.
And for all of you lovely commenters I have been getting lately, go ahead and kick me while I’m down. Call me bitter, angry, crazy, a B****. I don’t care anymore. You can not possiblly hurt me anymore than I am already hurt. So if it makes you feel better have at it.
Danny Again
I want to talk about some things said on comments by Danny’s family over on http://keepingbabieswithmommy.blogspot.com/. I don’t want to completely take over Kel’s blog so I will actually use my own for once. I too have a brother. I am extremely loyal to him. I truly understand the loyalty you show your brother. I can not honestly say that I would not be online defending my brother the same way you are. Loyalty to family is a very good and noble thing. I understand that Jimmy is not a very nice person. I feel safe in assuming that with what he is in jail for. I also understand why your loyalty does not extend to Jimmy at this point. Sometimes people cross a line that we can not forgive. Once the line is crossed it can never be the same. Its sad but it happens.
The thing I am failing to see is what Cali did to lose the family loyalty. I know her conception was a painful event for all involved but she didn’t do it. She is the only totally innocent person involved in this whole mess. Yet she is the one being thrown to the wolves with little regard. I know you are not very educated on adoption issues. You probably believe she will be just fine with love from anyone. She won’t miss her family because she is so young she won’t know the difference. I am sorry to inform you that infants do know the difference. I really wish you would read the words of people that were adopted. There are many blogs and forums online that will give you some insight. If you need some links email me or Kel. I would be more than happy to send you as many as you need.
I beg of you to show the same loyalty to Cali you show to Danny. Please before its too late fight for this innocent little girl. Keep her in the family somehow. Love her for who she is not how she was conceived. She is your family. Don’t be blinded to that until its too late. She needs all of you. She needs her family.
Aborted Mother 