Blah Blah Blah
I just love it when some adoptive mom gets all riled up and decides to comment on a three-year old post. I guess they have to let the meanie moms like me know how wrong and bitter I am. Boo freaking hooooo. I don’t need anymore lectures on how saintly adoptive parents are as they rush around the world rescuing all the little children. Do you really not get how that sounds?
Is it really that hard to look at the date at the top of the post? Maybe even look around the blog to see if it’s still active? Oh well, thanks for reminding me to turn off my email notifications. You are at least useful for that
Another Child Being Held in Utah
I was recently contacted by a father trying to stop his daughter from being adopted. He has asked for any advice and help he can get. Please help him if you can. Even just getting his story out is a great help.
My name is Keary Watson and I am the proud birth father of a beautiful baby girl named Elizabeth Renee Watson. She was born on August 11th 2010. I want to start out by thanking you for taking the time to visit this site and taking the time to hear my story. I love my daughter dearly and will do everything in my power to have her home with me where she belongs.
My daughter Elizabeth has recently been placed with a family for adoption without my knowledge or consent. Her mother, Rebecca Prestwich made the terrible decision to “sell” my daughter to a family within the LDS church in the state of Utah without my knowledge or consent. Rebecca has signed away her parental rights and placed Elizabeth with an adoptive family. She did this AFTER Elizabeth was two months old. As Elizabeth’s father I cannot comprehend how Rebecca could make the choice to sell our beautiful daughter away to strangers. These actions sadden my heart. I have always made Rebecca aware that I am her father and will always take care of my child. I cannot understand why she would have chosen this option but sadly she has. I pray that Rebecca can live with the decisions that she has made and I seek comfort in knowing that I will correct the bad choice Rebecca has made and will never give up trying to do so.
It appears as though I have a bigger battle ahead of me to get Elizabeth back home than I ever imagined. Over the last two weeks I have been made aware of A LOT of other cases similar to mine. This is prevalent throughout the US with many birth mothers doing this in the state of Utah because of laws that exclude birth fathers. I am fighting for my legal rights as her biological father to get my daughter back. I did not give up my daughter for adoption. I would NEVER give my daughter up for adoption. I am her natural father and I am her recognized legal father on her birth certificate. I have been a part of my daughter’s life since the moment of conception and have continued to be her father in the fight to get her back home with me where she belongs.
Please help me to spread the word and what I am fighting for. From reading other cases it is people like you who are helping make a difference. Again, I would like to thank you in advance for any help you give. Words cannot express my gratitude.
I am requesting donations to cover legal expenses, travel and accommodations in Utah where my daughter is being kept. Please visit the link if you can help.
http://apps.facebook.com/fundrazr/activity/08e22911a5dc42a39688c50f0549fe92
I would also like to ask everyone to take the time to write the Utah Attorney Generals office and the US Department of Justice about my case. The more people start talking about baby brokering/human trafficking by people abusing Utah laws – the more the authorities are going to look into it.
E-Mail: uag@utah.gov
US Department of Justice
Mr. Dustin PeadUS Department of Justice185 South State Street, Suite 400Salt Lake City, Utah. 84111Phone: 801-524-6924 Fax: 801-524-5682
lfowlke@utah.gov, react@reason.com, subscribe@reason.com, letters@reason.com, rmenlove@utah.gov, bcferry@utah.gov, jdraxler@utah.gov, fhunsaker@utah.gov, curtwebb@utah.gov, kwgibson@utah.gov, gdonneson@utah.gov, gfroerer@utah.gov, neilhansen@utah.gov, lshurtliff@utah.gov, bdee@utah.gov, rgreenwood@utah.gov, pray@utah.gov, coda@utah.gov, daagard@utah.gov, kgarn@utah.gov, jfisher@utah.gov, rogerbarrus@utah.gov, sherylallen@utah.gov, pauln@utah.gov, jgowans@utah.gov, cduckworth@utah.gov, jseelig@utah.gov, rbecker@utah.gov, christinejohnson@utah.gov, dlitvack@utah.gov, jdougall@utah.gov, rozmcgee@xmission.com, janicefisher@utah.gov, jbiskupski@utah.gov, lwiley@utah.gov, ronbigelow@utah.gov, nhendrickson@utah.gov, koryholdaway@comcast.net, markwheatley@utah.gov, priesen@utah.gov, csmoss@utah.gov, ehutchings@utah.gov, jdunnigan@utah.gov, lhemingway@utah.gov, toddkiser@utah.gov, jbird@utah.gov, wharper@utah.gov, tcosgrove@utah.gov, mwalker@utah.gov, karenmorgan@utah.gov, merlynnnewbold@utah.gov, greghughes@utah.gov, cwimmer@utah.gov, melbrown@utah.gov, gsnow@utah.gov, jmathis@utah.gov, ksumsion@utah.gov, cfrank@utah.gov, ssandstrom@utah.gov, bdaw@utah.gov, keithgrover@utah.gov, cherrod@utah.gov, sclark@utah.gov, blockhart@utah.gov, atilton@utah.gov, mikemorley@utah.gov, ppainter@utah.gov, bwinn@utah.gov, brad.king@ceu.edu, kaymciff@utah.gov, blast@utah.gov, bbowman@utah.gov, mnoel@kanab.net, dclark@utah.gov, surquhart@utah.gov
We have made a facebook page for anyone that would like to show their support http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Give-Elizabeth-Back-to-Her-Daddy-Keary/123989397664887
Announcing …..
I told you guys a little while back I was working on something. I still am working on it but figured it was about time I let you all in on it. Its not just my project. There are some wonderful people helping and sharing ideas. I have been truly inspired by working with them. So here goes….
We have stated a new group to support all people separated by adoption.
We are dedicated to support those struggling with adoption loss. We provide confidential support and information through a moderated support forum and a monitored nightly chat room.
We aim to prevent further unnecessary separations by uniting adoptees and firstparents in the mission to prevent dire situations, life circumstances, and oppressive belief systems that result in adoptions.
We aim to support families searching for family members, beginning a reunion, struggling with the complex emotional issues of a reunion or dealing with a failed reunion.
We aim to raise awareness of the life long consequences of adoption separation for mothers, fathers, adoptees, siblings and extended family.
We are an affiliate of Origins International.
I would love to see some of you on our forum! We even have a section for Allies that aren’t connected to adoption. Check us out but keep in mind we are still building.
Resolutions
Its the beginning of a new year and with that comes resolutions. I have many resolutions. Some are the typical kind to do things like lose weight, be more active and be nicer to my brother. I know most of that won’t happen. (sorry bro) I have a few resolutions of the adoption nature.
My big one is to write at least one entry on this blog a week. It sounds so easy but I know it will be very very hard for me to keep. Anyone in the adoption community knows how cruel it can be. Heartless comments and personal attacks are an every day occurence. I think we all know that natural mothers take more than their fair share of that. Its easy to hurt them. Its not very hard to know what to say to twist the knife in their heart. Before my break the comments had been getting to me more than I could deal with. This led me to my second resolution
Boundaries, they aren’t just for adoptees and APs anymore. I am setting some pretty major boundaries for this blog. I was trying not to hurt so many people that I was hurting myself. I will not do that anymore. On this blog mothers that have lost children to adoption are mothers or at the natural mothers. They are not birth anything and even first will not be permitted in some cases. If you comment with the b words I will simply edit it to say natural. I hate to do that but its my blog and I am sick of the disrespect.
On the subject of language, I will refer to people that adopt on a case to case basis. I have met some people that have adopted that truly understand what is happening in the adoption industry and I refer to them as adoptive parents. Why? Because they show me respect and I return the favor. The whole two way street thing. However, if you are an asshat that happens to have adopted you will be refered to as an adopter or worse. I will not hold punches anymore for people that swing with everything they have.
So there ya have it folks. This new year you do not get a kinder gentler Aislin. I tried that and it sucked. You get a more direct, stronger and honest Aislin. If you don’t like it I am truly sorry but no one is forcing you to read.
3 years ago
3 years ago today I was sitting on my bed watching your dad play a game. My eyes were puffy from crying all night. Your brothers were safe in their beds dreaming little boy dreams. You were awake practicing your kick boxing. I was scared of what the next day would bring. It was the day I had to tell everyone that I couldn’t let you go.
I felt selfish for keeping you with me. I felt guilty for letting down the poor infertile couple that I had never even spoken to let alone met. The social workers words echoed in my head. I will ruin your little life if you stay here. You will grow up to be just like me. Don’t I want more for you than that? I’m breaking the hearts of those poor poor people that just want a baby to complete their perfect lives. Still I knew I couldn’t do it.
So I sat on the bed watching your dad. Tiny clothes spread out across my comforter. You needed more socks. I had to go shopping for a couple more sleepers and some hats too. Its a good thing I kept the crib your brothers used. It wasn’t much but it was enough.
Then I felt it. Terror gripped me at 11:30 pm when I knew for a fact you were not going to wait for me to tell everyone. I should have known. Patience isn’t something that runs in our family. Not to mention that I was 10 months and 4 days pregnant with you. I was overwhelmed with fear and joy knowing I would get to see your face soon.
I whispered to you the whole way to the hospital. Calling your name and trying to reassure you. My hands never leaving my stomach so you could feel my caress. I told you how much we loved you and wanted you. I told you how excited your brothers would be when they woke up.
We were together on this day 3 years ago. We were a family complete. We were all I needed or wanted in this world. Yet I am alone tonight writing about the beautiful daughter I miss more than anything and you don’t even know your name whispered to you that night. So as I said that night …….
I mo chroí go deo Aisling Aine
Again?
I really hate the fact that something simple can bring me right back to the raw painful feelings that I had the day I lost my daughter. It comes out of the blue and takes weeks to get over. Today I was in the car and heard a song that I could have written just for her.
Staind – Believe Lyrics
I sit alone and watch the clock
Trying to collect my thoughts
All I think about is you
And so I cry myself to sleep
And hope the devil I don’t meet
In the dreams that I live through
Believe in me
I know you’ve waited for so long
Believe in me
Sometimes the weak become the strong
Believe in me
This life’s not always what it seems
Believe in me
Cause I was made for chasing dreams
All the smiles you’ve had to fake
And all the shit you’ve had to take
Just to meet us here again
I never have the things to say
To make it all just go away
To make it all just disappear
Believe in me
I know you’ve waited for so long
Believe in me
Sometimes the weak become the strong
Believe in me
This life’s not always what it seems
Believe in me
Cause I was made for chasing dreams
It’s my life
It’s my choice
Hear my words
Here my voice
And just believe
I sit alone and watch the clock
Trying to collect my thoughts
And all I think about is you
If you believe in me
Life’s not always what it seems
Believe in me
Cause I was made for chasing dreams
Believe in me
I know you’ve waited for so long
Believe in me
Sometimes the weak become the strong
Believe in me
This life’s not always what it seems
Believe in me
Cause I was made for chasing dreams
I’m sure you can see why some of the lyrics made me think of her so deeply. The line that gets me the most is ” I was made for chasing dreams” Not many people know why i named my daughter what I did or even what I named her. I’ve kept that mostly to myself.
Her name means a dream. I named her when I was 5 months pregnant. I named her dream because that is what she is to me. She was my dream come true. She is my dream come true. Yeah my dream was for her to be with me but she is no less special or wonderful because she is 200 miles away. i don’t love her less. I don’t worry about her less. I am not less proud of everything she does. She is not less beautiful. She is no less part of me than if she was here. She is and will always be my dream, my world, my everything.
I will chase my dream forever if I have to. I will never give up on her. I will be here forever and always waiting. I love you my dream girl.
Demons of Adoption Award
*************************************************************
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
*************************************************************
Last year we instituted our annual Demons of Adoption Award to raise a voice against adoption propaganda and the self congratulatory practices of the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute’s annual Angels in Adoption Awards
This year we continue that tradition. Until November 1 you will have the opportunity to vote for the recipient of this year’s award.
The nominees are:
- LDS Family Services for using coercive tactics in obtaining infants for adoption and for not respecting paternal rights;
- The makers of Juno for helping to groom and brainwash a whole new generation of girls and young women to be walking incubators for the the adoption industry;
- Adoption.com for systematically banning voices that oppose current adoption practices and their continuous pro-adoption propaganda;
- Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute for awarding persons and organizations that promote the one sided point of view of the adoption industry;
- Adoptions from the Heart for their continued cooperation with the totally corrupt Indian orphanage Preet Mandir;
- Amici dei Bambini for being the driving force behind the concept of European Adoptions, as a way to re-open adoptions from Romania;
- CPS in various states for pushing for quick adoptions on flimsy allegations to meet targets and quotas;
- UK Local authority Social Services for pushing for quick adoptions on flimsy allegations to meet targets and quotas;
- Canadian Children’s Aid Society for pushing for quick adoptions on flimsy allegations to meet targets and quotas;
- District of Columbia Child and Family Services Agency for for not checking up on Renee Bowman.
You can cast your vote by following this link: http://poundpuplegacy.org/node/21959
passwords
I finally joined the password club. I’m kinda raw about some things right now and I don’t feel like dealing with the Jims of the world. If you want the password drop me a comment or email
Dear Jim
Sometimes a very special comment comes alone. One that just deserves its own post.
It seems that your anger is being directed toward everyone but the guilty party: you. You are obviously an unfit mother and your child is better off with someone else. My advice is to seek counseling for your anger and stop blaming everyone but yourself.
Awwww Jim. Thank you oh so much for coming over here to tell me what I am and am not. You saved me all the trouble of thinking. (something it seems you do little of too) Now that you have made me aware I am an unfit mother I can tell the school to pull my oldest son out of advanced placement math. Too much homework for us unfit mothers to help with. I can stop baking the 4 dozen muffins I promised for youngest sons lock in. No more need for me to run the kids to concerts, play dates, soccer, clubs and school events. Oh Shit! I better call all the parents that just entrusted their kids with me yesterday at the pool party and tell them to be more careful! Oh the horror of them letting me take care of their children. I guess I can stop cooking and cleaning every second that I have free. No more helping with school projects and being the room parent. Damn my life just got a whole lot less busy.
As to my daughter being better off with someone else I will have to disagree. I will not bash the people taking care of her on here. I will just make one simple point. Even if I was the monster you want to believe I am. No need to believe I am….. My daughter lost her entire family. Grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters all gone from her life. She has lost her heritage.( something we strongly celebrate as a family) She has lost so many people that would have brought a special joy to her life.
Now on to anger. Yep I’m angry. Anger is a natural response to being victimized. Would you rather I be happy that my child was stolen from me? In my opinion that would make me a true monster. Walk a mile in my shoes and see if you are angry. I’m willing to bet you are. If you really think anyone can go through this and not be angry you are stupider than I thought. Yet I do not walk around all day raging with steam coming out of my ears. This is my blog about my feeling and what happened to ME. WTF did you expect to find here. You should have gone back and read the whole blog. I have already cover the whole angry and bitter BS.
Fear not dear Jim. I know exactly who to blame. I am done taking responsibility for the actions of others. Hmmm maybe I should let the judge know it was all my fault after all. I’m sure he will hang his head in shame for blaming that poor innocent agency. And when he asks me how I know its me to blame we won’t need all that pesky evidence we used the first time. I can just let him know its true cause Jim told me. I’m sure he’ll love that
My advice to you my friend, is learn how to read.
What it feels like
Someone asked me recently what it feels like to be a natural mom. Since I am back in that deep dark pit of dispair I am just going to quote a song that sums it all up quite nicely.
Duality by Slipknot
I push my fingers into my eyes…
It’s the only thing that slowly stops the ache…
But it’s made of all the things I have to take…
Jesus, it never ends, it works it’s way inside…
If the pain goes on…
Aaaaaaaah!
I have screamed until my veins collapsed
I’ve waited as my time’s elapsed
Now, All I do is live with so much fate
I’ve wished for this, I’ve bitched at that
I’ve left behind this little fact:
You cannot kill what you did not create
I’ve gotta say what I’ve gotta say
And then I swear I’ll go away
But I can’t promise you’ll enjoy the noise
I guess I’ll save the best for last
My future seems like one big past
You’re left with me ’cause you left me no choice
I push my fingers into my eyes
It’s the only thing that slowly stops the ache
If the pain goes on,
I’m not gonna make it!
Put me back together
Or separate the skin from bone
Leave me all the Pieces, then you can leave me
alone
Tell me the reality is better than the dream
But I found out the hard way,
Nothing is what it seems!
I push my fingers into my eyes
It’s the only thing that slowly stops the ache
But it’s made of all the things I have to take
Jesus, it never ends, it works it’s way inside
If the pain goes on,
I’m not gonna make it!
All I’ve got…all I’ve got is insane…
All I’ve got…all I’ve got is insane…
All I’ve got…all I’ve got is insane!
All I’ve got…all I’ve got is insane!
I push my fingers into my eyes
It’s the only thing that slowly stops the ache
But it’s made of all the things I have to take
Jesus, it never ends, it works it’s way inside
If the pain goes on,
I’m not gonna make it!
There ya go. That is how it feels day in and day out. It actually doesn’t cover it all but its good enough for now.
Aborted Mother 