But She signed the Papers….

August 30, 2010 at 12:04 pm (adoption)

She signed a piece of paper, didn’t she?

Well, so did slave sellers; so did indentured servants

who virtually sold themselves into slavery for a term of years;

so did long-ago impoverished parents who sold their daughters

into brothels. And every day in this country,

contracts are entered into for drug deals, murders for hire,

arson, insurance scams, illegal gambling, and, yes, child selling

….A deal is a deal, right Your Honor?

–Richard H. Rosichan, in his letter to the editor

 

In an effort to make things easier on myself anyone that makes a stupid comment about signing papers as if that justifies unethical behavior on the other parties part will be refered to this quote.

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24 Comments

  1. angelle2 said,

    Hi there and thanks for this quote. Do you have the source?

    I want to share it with my son. If I hear one more time the excuse for his amom’s bad behavior regarding me “the papers were signed” I will have to commit murder! (not really, but a thought nonetheless).

  2. heatherrainbow said,

    awesome.

  3. Lissa said,

    ‘She signed a piece of paper, didn’t she?’

    hmmm… I was threatened with having my daughter *placed* in foster care if I did not consent to my daughter’s adoption. They would then declare her ‘abandoned’… voila! Available for adoption.

    I did not willingly sign any documents. I did not have independent legal advice (which was a violation of my rights – and my daughter’s rights. I was not allowed to see the documents I was forced to sign, nor were any copies ever given to me or offered. My signature was obtained under duress. That makes my ‘signing their papers’ illegal, no?

    I was threatened and coerced. Sign, or don’t sign, we’re taking your baby. I learned recently via receipt of non-identifying information someone had deemed my signature on a certain date (I HADN’T SIGNED). Was this to ensure the revocation period timed out?

    I presume the baby brokers were relieved they didn’t have the pesky interference of a lawyer there to advise me of my rights and my baby’s rights. That would have been inconvenient, now wouldn’t it?

    Some mothers were drugged to obtain signatures on documents. Some were told their baby had died in order to obtain another commodity for profit. Guess they didn’t require that particular signature. They simply stole the baby.

    • emilyxavianathan said,

      Wow. I never thought about that – how those of us who went through agencies didn’t have our own lawyers. That is actually very wrong and a violation of rights. I even contacted a lawyer at one point, but I didn’t get the information or help I was looking for. And besides, I had changed my mind about the adoption, but then was put under duress for a week, and lied to right before I signed the last document.

  4. Andrea said,

    OMG OMG OMG!!!! I got a problem, a BIG PROBLEM!!!!! All of us are going to the city that Katelynn’s first mom lives this weekeend. and she I posted that we were were going on myspace and now she wants to MEET Katelynn. WHAT DO I DO? I can’t let her see her cause no one exept Aurora knows i wrote the letters and talk to them. But she has been through enough so she deserves to see her. WHAT DO I DO?!?!?

    • aislin13 said,

      I think its best that you just tell her the truth. If your aunt found out the two of you are in contact it could be very bad and she could keep you from seeing Katelynn in order to keep her mom from getting any info or pictures. God this whole thing sucks!!

  5. Andrea said,

    Tell my aunt the TRUTH!! She will KILL ME!! Yea….what about a second option?Cause i ain’t telling her the truth. I CAN’T!!!

    • aislin13 said,

      Oh no no. I meant tell katelynn’s first mom the truth, not your aunt. Grrr adoption terms make everything so complicated. Tell her that if your aunt found out you would be prevented from getting more pictures or information to share with her. Tell her that you understnad how she feels and wish there was a way to let them meet but your aunt would have a fit and never let any info or pictures get out again. I hope she will see through the pain that its not worth the risk.
      She sounds like she is in a very bad place at the moment. Do you think she would consider a support group or anything? I hate the thought of her going through this all alone

  6. Andrea said,

    What about not telling her where we are and not contact her until i’m back home?

  7. Andrea said,

    I got lunch and in the library. Ugh!!!! I know what your saying is the best thing to do but i hate it!!! She has been hurt enough and i do not want to hurt her more. That message of her asking was the first time she did not sound angry or bitter. I hate this!!! I hope she see through her pain too. This just SUCKS!!!!

    I have mentioned this blog and that there are many support groups out there and she lashed out saying that all they are is “consulors” saying they did a good thing and should forget about it and move on. Thats also wen she said she didnt want to talk anymore.

    On the other hand, Emma’s first mom and i still talk all the time and i share stories bout how her daughter is misbehaving and the silly things she does. She tells me things she did as a baby and i see most of those things in Emma.

  8. Adoption Critic said,

    The phrase “But she signed the papers” sounds very much like to “But she opened her legs.” The implication is that it was voluntary. But there is a HUGE difference between rape and consensual sex. Similarly with a forced surrender and a “voluntary placement.”

    If someone states “But she signed the papers,” what would happen if the response to them was “Well, what do you think would happen if, at that point, she had refused?” The answer in 99% of cases is NOT “She would have kept her baby.” NO, because the “adoption decision” had already been made by others around her. The real answer is that the coercion would have escalated until she DID sign.

    Another response to “But she signed the papers” might be “How do you envision that act in regards to the pressure on her to force her to do it?” The truth comes out that the person indicate they feel it was her own choice, her free will, her decision, her responsibility. Well, sorry, in most cases it was not. But the coercion is hidden behind closed doors, so people do not have a very clear picture in their minds as to how it happens. Providing them with information about this, referring them to the stories of other mothers for them to read at their leisure (i.e. “The Girls Who Went Away” by Fessler, the “BEBA” website, can help educate. Usually, it takes a lot of educating.

  9. Andrea said,

    Got cussed out. If she was here she would have probably have hit me. I wanted to write a message back and cuss HER OUT!!!
    I am NOT the one who made her give her baby away!! I did NOTHING wrong!!!!!!!! I dont have post pics. I dont have to do anything!! I CHOOSE to!!!! I DID NOTHING WRONG!!!!!!!

    • aislin13 said,

      Ugh I am sorry she cussed you out. Its very mature that you didn’t do it back. She is in so much pain right now that its har to breathe let alone think clearly. I understand her anger and disapointment but you aren’t the one she should direct it to. Would it be ok if I wrote to her? I can write it and send it to you to pass on to her. She is suffering so much right now and really needs to talk to people that understand.

  10. Andrea said,

    You can write a letter and i’ll send it to her. I’m still so mad bout what she said that i really don’t care bout her right now/ I know it”s horrible but i don’t care that she’s hurting. The things she wrote hit me realy hard. And i don’t know if i want do this with her anymore. I mean Emma’s first mom is going through the same thing and she has never once blamed me or got mad at me for what happened. I’ll send your letter but i probably wont try to talk to her anymore, the things she called me and accused me of hurt too much. I knew they were hurting but i didn’t know doing this would make me hurt.
    It all seems so right with Emma’s first mom but not with Katelynn’s first mom and i don’t know why.

    • aislin13 said,

      I will try to get it written up tonight and email it to you. I understand that she hurt you and its not right. Have you thought of maybe having a middle man? It might be best until she can get over some of her anger. Its Katelynn very young? That could be a factor in this as well. I can’t describe to you the level of pain that having your child taken causes. Its often worse than death. It doesn’t make it right that she hurt you but she is really bad off. So many mothers do not even survive the first year. I worry that if she loses the pictures it might be too much.
      The thing is I feel bad even saying that to you. You have taken on so much that isn’t your responsibility. you have shown so much compassion and maturity. Its a horrid situation for all of you.
      I hope having another mom that has been there will help Katelynn’s mom see that you are not the enemy. I also hope it will give her the strength to survive this

  11. Andrea said,

    I sent the letter. I did read it. I’m realy sorry. I know it was just for her only and i invaded your and her privacy. I am sorry.

    Her name is Melissa and Katelynn just turned 5 mths old. If she sends me a email for you i will make sure you get it. Can i send it to the email address on the one you sent me?

    I am no longer mad and will keep doing this. I am going to keep posting pics (I have A LOT from this weekend) and i wont send her messages until she sends me one first.

    …What is a middle man? Aren’t i already in the middle of Melissa and my aunt?

    • aislin13 said,

      I knew you were going to read it. How could you not with it going to your email. I would have read it too. lol
      I just hope she can see that I am not a pro adoption worker or something and she really isn’t alone. I gave her my email for a couple reasons. The first being that her feelings are going to be ugly and harsh for a long time. Since you didn’t do any of this you don’t need to suffer with that level of pain and anger. The other being that no one that hasn’t been through it will understand that level of pain and anger. Its really hard for others to deal with. I want her relationship with you to remain at least civil. It will be hard for you being involved with your aunt that you care about to hear the truth of Mellisa’s feelings without hurt or anger yourself. Plus she needs to be able to say whatever she needs to in a safe environment without the fear of upseting the wrong person and losing what little she has of her daughter. (I know you aren’t going to take away the pictures but its a very deep real fear for moms in this situation)

  12. Andrea said,

    you gave her your email address so it wont go through me lol. I am BLOND =)

  13. Andrea said,

    Has she written you? Myspace says she was on today. I don’t have to know what she said but i want to know if she wrote you or not . She hasnt responded to me on myspace but i thought maybe she wrote you.

    • aislin13 said,

      No she hasn’t written yet. If she does it might take some time. I will let you know though. I know you worry about her.

  14. Andrea said,

    I am now officailly scared for Melissa.
    On her myspace there is alot of comments about them loving her and being there for her and some are why did you do it. One even said where did you get the pills. I am scared that she tried to hurt herself. I messaged her and hope i get a reply. I am scared for her.

    • aislin13 said,

      Oh no. I was so scared of something like this. Suicide is very high in women that were forced or tricked into losing their children to adoption Even those of us that seem strong have had to battle it. I won’t bore you with my battle. I hope she can reach out before its too late. My heart aches for this poor girl. She reminds me so much of myself

  15. Andrea said,

    I messaged her top 2 friends in hopes of them telling me how she is and getting the whole story.

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